Aug 14, 2009

What's the deal with this Fer guy?

I thank you all for your comments and hope I find some people with kind hearts like Mr. Urs former landlord, talking of which, I've been spending some hours now trying to get this post into a coherent order of ideas, and this is the best I've got so far, so I apologize before hand it it is not as coherent, short or intelligible as I had planned.

Next monday I'm starting my new job, it's a task which I take with the utmost importance, now, people reading this might think I have a great feeling of servitude or compliance, nothing farther from the truth. I offer help and comfort to people quite frankly because I needed help myself when I was younger and alas never found it, when kid at school I was always perceived as "different" by my peers and as "different" is not seen with kind eyes among the comon populance became ostrisiced and rendered to the margins of social interaction, needed nothing but a kind smile and a couple of ears to listen at me, in fact I began to believe I had somekind of mental problems as noone seemed to be able to understand me and I couldn't penetrate into their social circles, endless nights I spent trying but never grasping what was wrong with me, my inability to fit in made me desperate and so, not finding any comfort anywhere and following the beliefs of my dad that I should be able to do everything by myself with the help of anyone started roaming without feeling the need of being with someone and learned to not need or trust a single soul.

I know this is not an easy world to live in, I know problems always find their way to get to us, and I know this is a terrible place when you have to walk it on your own, I've walked down paths on my own most of my life, not until I was 18 years old found myself in the company of people that cared about me and so began to understand the meaning of friendship, those where 18 years of loneliness, 18 years of doing it on my own, 18 f*çking years of nothingness, of a complete void, of waiting for someone to reach and grab my hand, of not knowing what was wrong with me, of not fitting in, of thinking how wrong I was. I know how being alone feels like, I know it and wish noone felt as alone as I did. Now everytime I hear a kid sobbing, see a teenager depressed, watch the tears in a young adult's face try to do whatever I can to help so perhaps my own sobbing, depression and tears will be healed and not make another person suffer what I been through.

And so my dear readers in general, and my friends in particular if I offer you any help trust I do so from the deepest most sincere part of my heart, for I do wish you a life without suffering and I do try to do my part in this world to make it a better place everyday.

And now it's time once again to keep moving on for nothing should ever stop us, and green means go!



Hugs

5 comments:

Formysake said...

right before I read this post I read this:

"Not having friends made me a better friend"

I just thought that was some kind of crazy coincidence but very true and very relatable.

Aek said...

Words well said. And great picture, by the way. :)

keliss said...

Of course. If a person lives a life of suffering, they're going to learn to appreciate the suffering of others.

Dave83201 said...

Help me out here Fer. Its like the wild west over there on my blog. I am a new-born as far as blogs go, so all the comments are a bit overwhelming -- but you at least sound reasonable. I mean I don't mind any kind of discussion, but I just am not up for a full out debate about religion and faith, especially when I'm kind of in a state of transition. I'm happy to get all the input and comments I can, but I suppose I don't have to engage in every topic, every time its brought up. Looks like you're new to blogging as well, but I feel really drawn in by the look of your site and especially by the writing as well.

BTW is their a MSN bisexual blogger's group?

I hope you'll email me you you wish!

Dave!

torchy! said...

hugs back at you fer :)

torchy!

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