Feb 19, 2010

Crushed by the love

I´m overwhelmed, I mean, I am totally amazed by all the love everyone showed to me on my 100th post. Thank you all for all your kind comments, mails, tweets and congratulatory messages, if love weighted the same as a feather, I´d be crushed under the love you provide me.
So well, on that boyfriend of mine everyone seems so interested on knowing about wish things were doing better, ya, cause they are not doing as great as they should, the reason is that in a relationship things need to be talked over and we have talked about our expectations in a relationship and we are at an impasse. Now I´m known for being careless about relationships, never setting up ground-rules and just enjoying things as they come, but this time I want to do it "by the book" -well, what ever you want to call it, just want to make sure we look in the eye in the important parts of a relationship- I´ve never done it and I guess it just will prevent problems on the long run, but *sigh* what ever.

Anyways, whatever the outcome might be, it will be for the better, ´sides we´re good pals and right now I guess he needs a friend more than he needs a boyfriend. Thanks for reading and thanks for all your feedback.


Feb 16, 2010

And this makes them 100!

Hello everyone, my name is Dzyan, I´m a 25 years old mexican and I no longer volunteer at an LGBT center, nope, not anymore, now I work here and get payed. I have a boyfriend and the mere thought of him makes me smile; people look at me in a weird way everyday because whenever I´m thinking of him I start talking with an accent that comes from the northern part of Spain -cause that´s where he´s from and I just love the way he talks- I´ve had ups and downs but my past is behind me now, suffice to say I´ve learned from my mistakes and I´m moving forward.

Up until last December I studied psychology, now I´m clearing my last few credits at school which stop me from moving forward. When time comes I want to study a Master´s degree about "Sex and Gender Differences" -but you never know for certain what the future holds for us-.

I´m the -now not so regular- writer of this blog. Almost 8 months ago I started writing about me and once I got over paranoid issues about people in my everyday life finding out my real thoughts, I was glad to start writing openly about me in the most open and honest way I could. This is a HUGE deed on itself, as I´ve always been a private person, have never cared for people and I´ve always been secretively as for the motives and reasons I do anything, people never get what I´m doing, but as Shakespeare once said "There is method in my madness".

Along the way of writing in this place, I met incredible people, they´ve been patient enough to me to stay all this time, some more have come, others have gone, some have gotten mad at me, some have advised me, but all of them have helped me become what I am today and for that I am ever so thankful.

This is my post number 100 and I know I wouldn´t have been able to survive all this time without this place and without all the people who´s been with me, for this I´m eternally grateful to you all; so here´s to you my beloved friends
bi Haikera_Baiketsu
The reason I write this introduction of sorts, is because, today, one hundred posts later, I´ve changed a lot, I´m more mature -or I´d like to think so-, more confident and happier about life, I´ve accepted myself as I am and have shared with so many people a little piece of our lives, now I open myself to people and welcome them in my life, it´s taken quite a lot of time and effort, but it´s been worth every single bruise and insult along the way, only thing I´m still wondering is: How much more changed will I be in a hundred more posts? only one way to find out... so stick around to find out, oh, and it wouldn´t hurt you to leave a comment. So see you later and once again, 


Feb 12, 2010

Hidden Kisses

First of all, I need to thank for everyone´s good wishes and comments on last post, I´ve titled it at last, I didn´t not because I couldn´t think of a good name, but I didn´t know what it was atm, but now I do :)

This whole week has been really cool, I now have a boyfriend I enjoy spending my evenings with. Although there is something new about it too. As some of you might know, last year I came out to everyone I could come-out to, my mom, my dad, my boss, my dog, my friends even my sister´s ferret, everything; since then I just stopped caring about people watching me "share some love" in public places, private places, anywhere really I just bother about not displaying love whenever I feel like it no matter who´s around.

On the other hand, Ángel -yeah, let´s call my boyfriend that- he doesn´t want anyone knowing about his sexual orientation -which I respect and wouldn´t make him do anything he doesn´t want to- so lately it´s been a real adventure stealing kisses and sneaking them in the shower room, the dressing room, dark streets, everywhere I  can, so it´s been a new experience, and I´ve found it really fun and exciting, there´s always the chance of getting caught, so it makes it really exciting, lol.
 Well that´s it for now, I´m  really sleepy from spending the afternoon with him, oh, and the working-out too, so I´ll see you later.


Feb 10, 2010

The beginning

Turn-off the light and feel my way into bed and there you are. Told you I wouldn´t let you spend the night alone, you were feeling a little sick, your back ached and had to make a long trip to sleep on your couch on that empty house, with nothing to eat but pears from a tree, I couldn´t let you go through all that, you opposed resistance but I had my mind into not letting you alone and I can be so persuasive, so I took you home, gave you something for the cold and warm clothes.

And there you are, waiting for me in the edge of my bed, you leave me no space to lay so I pushed you a little, pushed your body with mine, asked where it pained you, you took my hand and make me feel your body, I know we´ve always been comfortable around each other and you like me to feel you and I enjoy it too, you grab my hand and surround yourself with my arms.

Who would´ve known you wanted it as bad as I do.

We spend the night in each other´s arms, trying to sleep proves to be hard, but who wants to sleep when your dream is already becoming a reality? At this exact moment if I have any worries you silence them with the sound of your breathe. Your hands are hard and rough, just like mines, but I can´t stop enjoying when they run amok through my body while I caress your hair and start searching for your lips.

The kisses seem to never end and with each new kiss time stops around us and fireworks start to fire up in my eyes; darkness is no more as the night gets lit up by us two. And thus, the night came turns into day and I receive this new day with the best present of them all, you in my arms.

What will happen now? what will happen now? what ever the future might bring, I´m just glad I met you, you tender sweet Spanish lover.

Feb 7, 2010

Like a rolling stone

I just love that -Bob Dylan´s- song... haha, anyways, I promised myself I would post what´s been going on in life, because changes are here, and are here to stay.

On school, classes began on Friday -well, not really they began on monday... two weeks ago, but I didn´t have any money for tuition, so after a few loans from don´t know who, hopefully not a drug dealer, but what do I know- hopefully for the last time, I´m already tired of the University and need to move on.

On work, this is my last week working as an LGBT counselor, which is sad but money is needed if I don´t want to end with broken legs.

On this blog, I haven´t been updating much because I leave really early to work and get home really late because of the gym, I´ve been spending there 4 hours daily and no, I´m not compensating anything or will pass-out from exhaustion, I only do like 2 hours of exercise but the fault is a guy´s really.

On a guy really, I met him two weeks ago in the gym, he´s from Spain -woot Spain!- and has a really cool story that I might tell you some other time, for now it´s enough to say that I went out with him yesterday to an old castle for him to know a little about the city and I know I love to show people around, we walked for about 15 km, on the 5 hours we saw each other under a scorching sun and I must say, there´s just something about him that draws me closer and makes him the first thought each morning when I wake up and the last when I go to bed and since today I didn´t see him, I can´t stop thinking about him. Oh, remember when I talked about someone not being around? yeah, it was him; what can I say? I really missed him. So yeah,  I´ve got a crush, which just has two kinds of outcomes, the crash and burn or the one where you get lifted to heaven, so right now I´m just taking it really slow for fear of any result, but if I´ve learned anything out of life is things won´t move unless you make them move, so I´ll make things move really soon. More as it develops, but I´ll just have to reach...
 Just a little higher

So that´s it for the time being, I´ll do another of this when something worth mentioning comes along, til then au revoir


Feb 3, 2010

Workout routine -a toon

Oh Ya, lately I could pick up a truck single-handedly, if you get my meaning, but seriously what can you when the guy you enjoy spending your time with suddenly disappears from the world without any trace?

Anyways, I´m becoming a total authority in the subject