Aug 21, 2009

Not one nor the other, but something in between

Just a quick one I promise, I've noticed that it doesn't matter whether I'm hanging out with my straight male friends or my gay male friends, no one seems to fully accept me as I am, I'm not straight enough or gay enough respectively, I do hate that my straight friends think of me as a pervert, no matter how good we get along, they might not remember while hanging out, but in the end something always reminds them that I'm just not straight and that probably all I'm trying to do is get them in their pants. On the other hand, when I hang out with my gay friends they always seem to drift apart and not fully trust me, they look at me eyes filled with insecurity and a face that reflects they don't know if they should act like they do when with only gay friends :`( Seems I don't belong anywhere.

Image borrowed from Piko Neko

As I write this post my first boyfriend arrived to my home, I call him Blue (even while talking in spanish), I know he won't say hello, he's a good friend of my brother and I broke the rule of not going out with my brother's friends. I still feel something for him and what hurts the most is that he knows it, I talked about him in the first post I ever did only didn't mentioned his name, I hate that he knows I still care about him, and hate even more than he's in a relationship right now, it's just that when you feel like no one's getting you in life, and don't know what's going on with you and find your first boyfriend suddenly you feel like everything makes sense, when that happened to me I just couldn't be happier and thought the love would last forever, now I'm just hopping it doesn't cause it just hurts so much.

I'm feeling really sad just because he's here and I know is because of all the stress in my life but right now I don't need him here. F*ÇK!!! why am I the f*çking drama queen I am?

I hope my life gets better after a good night sleep, don't think it'll help that much though.

All the love
lonely me

4 comments:

Aek said...

Awww. :( *Hugs*

Drama is what you make of it. Let things go, make peace with things, and move on. Accept that there will be things that will try to make your life full of drama and just try to side-step it.

It's not easy to "avert" drama, but hey, do what you can. Best of luck with everything!

René Treviño said...

Sabes muy bien que así somos los mexicanos: nunca honrados con los demás ni con nosotros mismos.
Si eres bi, vive la vida.
Yo tengo 20 años y me he acostado con varios de la facultad que son "muy machos".

¿Que mañana no les intereso?
Es problema de ellos.
Bye y ya.

Algunos, dije algunos, te van a llamar el siguiente domingo que no tengan nada qué hacer.
La verdad es una: les dijeron a sus viejas cualquier pretexto para no salir con ellas porque están pensando en ti.

Es el momento en que tú debes tomar la decisión: o los botas o te vas a la cama con ellos.
¿A quién le importa eso?
Sólo a ti.
No te sientas culpable por lo que hiciste o lo que no hiciste.
Si me permites darte hacer varios comentarios, te digo:

1. Coge cuando tú quieras y con quien desees estar.
2. No fuerces la situación con ningún chavo o chava. Sé tú el imán.
Perdóname, pero te oyes como que tienes baja tu autoestima. Tienes 24, cabroncito :)
La psicología, a la chingada (perdón por el lenguaje, pero así hablamos los norteños y los sureños, jiji).

Yo no sé lo que se sienta ser bi. Yo soy gay. E inter, para mi gusto y placer.
Me gustan las pasitas y los activos.
¡Y tengo 20¡
No quiero tener pareja porque a mi edad los compromisos como que no me van.
Me gustan mucho los chavos, pero inmediatamente te das cuenta si hay química o no en la cama. Ésa es la neta, ¿no?

No te angusties por nimiedades (por no llamarlas de otro modo, jaja).

Tú, toma la vida como llega.
Lo que sí es importante es que agarres un compromiso formal con una de las damas.
¿Y después, qué?

Tu amigo de Monterrey,
René Treviño.

Posdata: No te hagas telarañas en tu cerebro. Mi fórmula es muy sencilla: te quedan 5 años para "quedar bien con la sociedad" (casarte) o ser tú mismo.
El amigo sincero hetero o gay te querrá siempre.

El matrimonio es una institución pasada de moda. Aun entre los gays.
Igual que tu amigo de arriba (en el buen sentido, ya sé cómo son los defeños, ji), te deseo lo mejors.

Doomed But Cheerful! said...

Being 'bi' is not about having the best of both worlds, I have found, but often the worst. Maybe that's why I detest labels so much, and just try to be 'me', and hope people take me for who, and not 'what' I am. When that does happen, it is bliss, and worth the wait.
Get some sleep: things often seem better after some rest.
G =]

Why Me said...

I agree with Aek, Things always are better after a nights sleep.

It is important to let go and move on though hearing and agreeing with it is one thing, actually being able to do it is another.

Everything always works out in the end.

chin up

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