Oct 31, 2009


I just don´t know how to thank all the acceptance I´ve been getting lately, thank you all, you´ve made this guy a happy guy, thanks all for your kind comments, however there are a few things that must be clarified, Aek, you´ve known me almost since I started doing this blogging thing, should know by know that trying to understand me it´s too hard, don´t understand me just love me :P and that goes to everyone, also it´s not that I don´t like how I look, but rather that I don´t have a picture I like -also I don´t have many as my fb account can testify- and to Brett, if it were for me you could call me "boyfriend" but whatever you like to call me will do :)

It´s incredible how little I manage to accomplish when I have nothing to do, not much to do at work and even less at school, on thursday I beat-up myself because instead of staying and talking to Ethan I went to school and wasted my time doing absolutely nothing -terribly sorry hun- and... Whoa, whoa, whoa, are my eyes betraying me? Is this true? I have 50 followers, my goodness, when I started doing this never thought I´d get so many people following this, it´s not because 50 people read my blog -there are a little more actually- but that 50 guys aren`t ashamed of following my train of thought, and that´s so weird. Thank you so much everyone -how many times have I said this post alone? think I´ll never get to say it enough :) -

Ok, so today it´s Halloween so if you´re going out -or have already gone out- I hope you get a lot of fun and find yourselves a good custome, it´s been years since last I dressed up and went to a party, however today it´s the birthday parties´ of both my former boyfriends, one is on the beach and I got invited, have no money and couldn´t make it, my ex insisted to pay for me -again- but no, will not go, but will have to go to his party next week  on a bar near-by -was in fact menaced to get a failing grade in my class-. The other party I wasn´t invited until twenty-four hours before the party, so now I have to go, last year I didn´t and if I don´t this year it will just be a bad friend on my behalf.

Agh, hate when I don´t update this blog for days as so many important things happen and yet I don´t want to make a 14 page post that might make wish everyone to cut-off their wrists. But in a vain try to sum some things, had to talk to a friend because his mom found out his dad was cheating on him, I have never been in that situation so I don´t know how to better help him, so if anyone has any insiders tips please help. Also lots of conferences about how to go prostitute oneself -how to ask for a job- at school, they bore the heck out of me. On friday had to teach a class and had absolutely NO idea what it was, named MANOVA for variable analysis :S, which turned out rather OK, considering half-an-hour before the class I had absolutely no idea what it was or how it worked. Also I found out Drew doesn´t like me which has come as much of a shock to me :(

Also as you might notice I changed  a little my layout, hope you like it. Have a happy holiday, I know I will because after Halloween comes Día de los muertos, a day I truly love -actually two days, one for kids, one for grown ups that died- because it´s a day we don´t mourn their deaths, it´s a day we celebrate their lives. Well, have to go get ready to a party, so I hope to catch you again soon.

Aaah, but first go check this blog where Peter writes, he´s thinking of coming out to everyone and needs some advice, so if you have the time go give him some words for the wise :)

Smell ya later

Love to all

Oct 28, 2009

Starting over

Welcome, come on in and make yourselves at home, this has always been a place for me to be completely open, to open up my mind, and be myself, sometimes it´s not that interesting, some other times it´s not even interesting at all, but nonetheless I keep on writing. But in order to be completely honest, not only with you, but with myself, I must get something out of the way before I´m able to keep on doing it -writing- and thanks to recent events this coming out has been made simpler to me, but to be honest I wanted to do this from a loooong time ago but couldn't gather the strength to do it. Might not be something so big for you, but to me it´s a HUGE deal as it is MY life.

OK, the deal is this, I´ve never lied to you, my name IS Fer, but it´s not -huh??- fact is, that´s my grandfather´s and my father´s name, they relate to that name as they have always been called that way, but not me, I don´t like that name, it´s my name also but I don´t feel it like mine. MY name, I mean the name I answer to, the name that belongs to me, the name that makes me who I am is actually THIS. And that´s how I´ll be referring to myself from now on, because I can´t be someone I´m not, even if I tried to be stay low-profile I just can not, not even to protect my own privacy. So there, this is me being at my MOST honest, I just can't lie, I suck at lying, I guess I lost practice over the years, maybe it's just that I have nothing to fear, whatever happens I'll take it.

So in order to celebrate this confession -one that has made me really nervous and feel utter unease- I´m making some adjustments to my blog -this is also because I get bored easily- so I hope you keep enjoying this and have a space in your heart for me, even if I change my blog, my face or my name.

The reason I changed my address is because I realize now I´m not Lovelessinmexico, when I named my blog I was going through a lot, and I mean a LOT, now I´ve met people that love me, people that make me feel loved and I love back, this is the main reason of my new URL, however I´ll be keeping my e-mail address and the name of my blog, this because I like it and makes me remember my humble origins and I am a maudlin guy.

-Ah, yes, I still owe you a picture, but I don´t like many of my pictures and haven´t found any that reflects who I am on the internet, but I assure you I´ll get one soon-

Love to all

Oct 26, 2009

I like it Smooth

As regular readers might know already I´m addicted to Followers, to know people might actually read what I have to say makes my heart feel like jumping up and down -but I rather suffer this heart attack than having no followers at all- and on this occasion I have the pleasure of having as followers two exact same opposites, a man that every reader recognizes and loves for his literary style and needs no introduction what so ever -and still it would be an insult not to give him one- Dr. Mandragora from Sine Logicum and a Completely new blogger Cooper -very welcomed to blogtown- from Cooper´s Corner, so let´s make him feel welcomed and go say hi to him :) -actually I tried to be his first Follower but Just beat me to it (course you Just! COURSE YOU!!)-.

Ok, so now that I´ve managed to get down from the table and do a little "new follower" victory dance I have to tell you about something I´ve discovered from direct observation at the guys at the gym, MY dad showed me how to do this when I was 7, by 15 started doing it once a week, when I turned 17 had to do it every other day and by 19 it turned into a daily routine. Still guys don´t actually know how to do this correctly. If you haven´t started yet you will and should learn how to do it correctly as it´s part of the whole being born a Man, if you already do it just check it out too, you might learn a thing or two.

Shaving is not a science, but don´t do as this jack-a$$ and do it in as many stokes as possible until you can do it in only one otherwise you´ll end up with a shaved face and an irritated skin. This becomes part of the morning routine of every man eventually, just like combing or brushing your teeth. Now if what you want is a clean, smooth appearance elsewhere then I found this one too, -Ok, I know it´s a Gillete commercial, but I´m pretty sure you can get the same outcome from any other brand:

So any ways, hope this help men everywhere, and if it didn´t at least it didn´t hurt either.

-This public health service has been brought to you by your reliable friend at Loveless Incorporated.-

Love to all

Oct 24, 2009

The grass is greener on this side

Yay posting, feels like ages since my last one, I won´t lie to you, what´s commonly referred as brain, in this particular moment to me would come in as handy as a paper-weight. Feels like it would only help me for two things, nothing and the same -that´s actually an old mexican saying-. Today I got out of my test just in time to get to my brother´s birthday party, that unfolds itself as I´m writing this, just taking the time-off to write a couple of lines and talk to some really important guys I have the privilege of knowing.

Certification test was not as hard as I thought it would be -maybe it´s just that I´m way smarter than I give myself credit for (yeah, right)-, however, if I never again read a text that starts "An 11 year old boy has got problems in school..." and has the audacity to continue with "his parents don´t care about his health" and/or "he´s been administered 1001 psychological tests and his results are as follow..." and even after all that information they dare asking
"would you:
a) give him treatment
b) pat the parents on the shoulders
c) send him to a mental-institution
d) give him a sandwich -not a ham one that is- and a hug."
Well, not really that obvious, but the thing is some questions were  like really obvious if you read the questions and not made questions on your own mind, and what does all the information have to do with the question anyways???

So today I´m a little tired, actually got to sleep for half-an-hour even when there´s a party all around me, but was feeling SO frustrated I had to go to the first gym I stumbled into and guess it was mature gay hour, but didn´t realize that until well after I had payed, changed outfit and done like an hour of good work-out -yeah, I thought it was weird when while I was changing that guy was staring at me while naked and kept watching me for a good whole minute, but was too busy minding my own business to notice after a while- but it was like three o´clock in the afternoon, how was I to know? you might think, Oh what you complaining about? well, for one thing, those guys were from ages ranging from 40 to 60, and I´m not into mature guys -respect them as I may I´m not into that and my respect to them ends where their respect to me starts- and on the other hand they were creepy muscles mountains, they looked alright if you´re into cross-generation, mature, bears and/or leathers, but I´m not, and this creepy guy comes my way and starts trying to make conversation, sure, I´m always in for a good conversation but after a while noticed he was really staring at me in the weirdest most uncomfortable fashion and had to put some distance between us, so went to the changing rooms and started getting my street clothes, got them on and the moment I´m getting my backpack he enters and blocks the entrance with his body, keeps up with the light-occasional talk, I´m thinking, need to get out of here someway or another, so he starts getting his clothes off, asking "and what are you doing tonight" now I knew that was my cue, so I told him I was going to go celebrate my brother and sister and I was kinda in a rush so got between the little space he left between his body and the door and got to slip away not without having to scape from the grasp of his hand with all the strength and agility I could muster at the moment, so I don´t know what he was about but wasn´t staying to find out.

So people respect each other, we´re all civilized here. Gotta crash now, last two days been really tiring and need to get some rest now. Take care of yourselves and don´t be strangers, keep in touch.

Love to all

Oct 21, 2009

Burning down the House

First let me assure you no one was in any real harm and anything of value was lost.

Next and to bring to life an old tradition... I want to thank my speechless commentators Aek and Aaron, I think I still have the ability to leave people in a perplexed stupor :) And to billy for his comment too, I'm always glad to hear from new people, thanks to everyone. And a warm welcome to new follower Barry from The Irish Oriental Garden come on in and make yourself at home. Oh! also I haven't had the chance to read a lot of posts lately -I'll explain this in a minute- but I heard Dave has reached the milestone of 50 posts, a great hug -wherever he might be- and all my love to him, so go and congratulate him NOW!

For those of you that never pay attention to my shout-outs and for those who just returned from congratulating Dave I have to explain something, I kinda "accidentally" set fire to my kitchen. It all started this morning with a call to my cell-phone while I was at the gym -morning? I thing it's called morning once the sun comes up, still it was really early- telling me I had to go make even more surveys, and being the diligent worker that I am -or rather the good friend that I am- gathered all my things and came home running, took the ham-sandwich my mom made for me this morning and left it in a pan to let it toast -love when the cheese gets grilled and the crunching sound of white-bread when you bite through the toasted crust and the smell of hot ham, mmh, I think I'm having an orgasm- after that, I realized I was coming out of the subway and couldn't eat with my hands dirty -bad habits you gain while studying bacteriology- at the bathroom I realized I need to take care of some business, so I went, realized my jeans were dirty from the day before and had to change them, while I had my pants down -alone- noticed my legs needed some cream, while thinking of cream it made me remember the last time I had a coffee, yeah, I was checking up some papers from school, school, that made me go back a day to the class I was having where I needed to make some homework I think I did but wasn't sure how my grades were doing so turned on the computer to go check my grades at the school's web-page, in the mean time I notice a subtle scent in the air, which makes me remember how hungry I am, at that exact moment I took a key out of the pocket of the jeans I'm just sliding up my legs, Where is this key from? so I start trying to remember the last place I was with those jeans on, yeah, it was the gym, it must be the key to some locker, I had just come from the gym and that reminds me I'm hungry, at that point I recognize the odor lingering in the air, it is the aroma of a sandwich, one which I remember I was craving, one which remember I was thinking of eating, one which I remember I left IN THE PAN!

So while I run to the kitchen -with my pants still unbuckled- see more light than usual coming out of the kitchen's threshold, so got there running and with a towel start putting off little fires in the room, luckily, nothing more than a couple of plastic recipients where lost and everyone was safe and I assure you it's the last time I eat quickly-cumbusting sandwiches.

OK, OK, I might be a little spacial right now, but I've got a good reason, a mighty powerful reason might I add. On Friday it's my certification exam, so if I ever want to practice as a licensed psychologist I must pass this exam, now don't get me wrong, I know I'm good at what I do -all false modesty aside- but take an exam that will test more my memory of the last four years than my actual knowledge will be a little more fustigating, that is because the test will be divided into two days in which three four-hour tests will be administered, one on friday's evening and two on saturday, for this I will need a little luck and a whole lot of patience.

Anddddd that's not the worst part, the down part of this all is that on Friday will be the birthday of my brother and my sister, they were both born on October 24 with a slight difference of twelve years, the same day! that's just a wonderful coincidence as they weren't see-sectioned, and I won't be able to attend to neither party, :( my sister will have lunch with all his friends from school and the rest of the family on friday right after school, and my brother will have his on saturday at the same time with his friends here, mean while I'll be stuck in school with a boooring exam. Hate that. So yeah, I'm really pissed off, also on saturday is a race I wanted to run, but as I have no ankle for that that just sucks. Hope I'll be bringing some good news soon, at least the grade at my test. Wish me patience!! -I really need it- :D
Oh, and never trust a sandwich -not a ham one at least-

Love to all

Oct 20, 2009

Dante got it wrong

Dante Alighieri, though a master in his own right, made while writing his novel entitled "Divina Commedia" an unforgivable mistake, it is written in such book -which relates the story of Dante and his travel through Hell, Purgatory and Heaven (whether you believe or not in such places is not the matter of discussion)- that upon the threshold of Hell is inscribed "abandon all hope ye who enter here", when in fact upon said threshold is written in glowing letters a far more terrifying inscription, one that makes the most brave man shake in his boots, one so terrible that it´s only sight not only makes people "abandon all hope", but in fact it makes them wish -if they haven´t yet- wish never had been born; thus it prepares them for the worst and far beyond, those words are, in fact, the very utterances you hear every time you know life as you know it has finished, the must dreadful line in the world: "I have something to tell you".

However such an omission should not be credited to Dante, as it was in fact a publicity stunt  from his editor, as he knew no man would ever read such book, for men are truly terrorized at the very sight of them, still credit where credit is due, he convinced Dante to change the eight circle of Hell -to MY good-luck- from the place where humorless entertainers -such as graceless court jesters, bad writers, modern days politicians and me- where laid to spend eternity into the more poetically -but not totally unrelated- one described as the circle of Fraud. Now to this change Dante only agreed after negotiating that God should be portrayed as a fully naked woman with a roasted pork in one hand and a glass of wine in the other -this however was changed in the final version by his editor too, and being replaced for a glowing orb of luminescent light (all this unbeknownst to Dante of course)-, meanwhile the only thing the book could think about was how with its new acquired nudity scenes that may lead to casual sex and demons would make him way cooler than his older brother "La vita nouva" where a guy falls in love with a girl that dies, that would show him. -oh, and there´s also no nudity, it´s the thirtieth century what were you expecting?"

But back to the topic that concerns us, the words "I have something to tell you" on their own have nothing inherently evil nor harmful, they could in fact become the beginning of a pleasant conversation in a nice coffee house near a Parisian boulangerie, or at the hall of an all girl school in the middle of recess, this however is only when the conversation is between two human beings that have reproductive organs on the inside rather than on the outside. Alas, for men while listening or producing it, such a phrase -generally accompanied with a frown and spoken with disdain- never precedes a memorable moment.

Usually, when given to someone the we-need-to-talk liner the look on their faces becomes a freshly made masque of clay that has just been poured with water, eyes sink, eyebrows fall, mouth slowly opens and cheeks hang from the sides of the face. However if the one on the receiving end is your own person , this sentence of doom -one which the most cruel and sadistic judges would never dare to say-, the earth around your feet seems to become quicksand trapping them and making it completely impossible to run away, heart shrink and sinks into the innermost part of the chest, lungs seem to loose their ability to draw fresh air and muscles tighten to the point of producing an overall pain that paralyzes the rest of the body and renders the listener into a torpor-like state that completely deactivates all defensive mechanisms available to that person and makes him just *sit and listen*.

Throughout the life of your most humble narrator, the need of saying the afore mentioned line -which shall not be repeated for the sake of the men of all around the world reading- has only presented itself two times -besides the one in which his parents were to realize of his "different" sexual inclinations- and neither were, on their own rights pleasant for anyone. One of such involved the breakage of a "love" relationship, the other one however was one in which results were more of a life changing experience. One in which, as happens to many people, our hero discovered that his true calling was not that of being inside a laboratory studying bacteriology and opted -despite the hatred that it might´ve bred in all his family- become but an adept of a more gentle discipline that is known as psychology -for to all lights and if we must be honest to each other, it´s not by far a science-.

So men of all races, colors and flavors, be Afraid. Beware of anyone that might come up to you and say such an unbearable phrase, don´t ever use it lightly, words have power, and those words, said in that exact same order have the power to scare sleep, shatter dreams and make the earth quake. Next time you hear it RUN, run as fast as your legs can, if someone is holding you by an extremity my recommendation is this: bite it off like trapped coyotes!, you might survive with one less arm, but broken hearts take more time to heal, and when ripped from the chest by the person you love the most it stops the world from spinning.

When was the last time you used it?
Love to all

P.S. I must warn I might not have crossed referenced "some" information posted here so I might end up in the eight hell either ways

Oct 18, 2009

My big 50 or How I grew up and could no longer fit in the closet

Today is a date of celebration as I´ve done fifty posts already,  fifty more posts than I thought I could be able to do four months ago. Now, if you´ve been a follower of this blog for more than two days, you might now that I´m all about celebrating special occasions so thanks to my dear old friend FMS decided the topic to celebrate this milestone for me would be the day I came out to my parents. Good friends of mine have been coming out to their own parents for the last two weeks, Phil, Liam, Jason, Brett, FMS, to mention some brave guys that had the balls recently to achieve this deed. Also I thought about doing this post a whoooole lot of time ago, but could never get around to do it, maybe for the better, it I would´ve done it sooner the result would´ve probably been: "I towlkt, hogged... uuuhm... towlkt some more and then wi left". So yeah, I´ve improved a little in my writing and redaction, but still have a long way to go, but please be patient with me.

It all started a Thursday evening on July, over 14 weeks ago -wow, it´s scary how life can twist and turn in a three and a half months period and still keep perfectly still in so many ways- had tried to come to my parents since the weekend, but the condition wasn´t the ideal one, mood at home was flinging from extreme happiness to extreme conflict -as it usually swings around here-, shocking news can´t be brought to a conversation when conflict is abound for people would use them as a scape goat, but they can neither be discussed in times of extreme happiness or people would just hate your guts for breaking their scarce gleeful times. But that morning and that time was just perfect, my sister was at school, and my brother was sleeping, as he´s a sound sleeper I knew I had an hour to have a decent conversation with my parents, one which wouldn´t be too lengthy as he´d wake up to go to work and even if things happened to get ugly and shouts started happen my brother wouldn´t wake up -hell, he wouldn´t wake up even if his bed was on fire and Nero was playing his violin by his side-.

Mom and dad were drinking coffee like every morning, and watching morning news like every morning, I had woken up one hour earlier and drank myself some coffee and made up a bag foreseeing...well, the worst and waltzed right to the living room, walked to the TV set, turned it off and pronounced the most feared phrase available in any language "We need to talk". My parents were really worried for only one time before I had had the need to say such a scary line, and it also changed our lives -but that´s a story for another time-. Mom said Uh-oh this is going to be important, Dad said OK let´s talk, ha, couldn´t see what was coming his way. This is how conversation unfolded.

Me: I need to tell you some things, our relationship has been on the rocks for some years now, I realize I am to fault for I have kept all my life a secret to you -I am a really private person in my life, and you for bad or for worse have a first row sit to my innermost thoughts- and I think it´s time we talk a little about what my life´s become, I realize that if I were to die right now or anything would come to happen to me you´d know absolutely not a clue of what my life is.

I most tell you some things that you might not like but are truth nonetheless and I hope you come to accept them for they are who I am.
First, I broke up with my last girlfriend in November, I never did mention her to you before but would if things would´ve gotten more serious.
I have drank beer, I drink it with my friends at parties or clubs but have never in my life gotten drunk.
I´ve never done drugs though I have friends that use them -at that moment had to stop for I needed to gather some bravery to tell them the REAL reason I needed to talk to them which my dad took as his cue to start with a speech of his own-
Dad: Listen son, I know I´ve tried to get to know you better but you always push us awa... -at this moment I raised my hand signalling him to stop-
Me: Wait, I´m not done, -he was just puzzled, he knew something BIG was coming, I never go to the extent of directing the conversation-, andddd as I was saying I´ve got a boyfriend
Dad: a...awha...what?
Me: A BOYFRIEND dad, and it´s not the first one, and it´s not a phase, I´ve been attracted to guys ever since I was 14. -my dad was left trying to think of something to say, mouthing of un-audible thoughts that past speeding through his mind, with his gaze stuck to the table-
Mom: I kinda suspected it -not because I´m overly evident, in fact other than subtle hints given away when I´m talking to girls or gays (or my pride bracelet now) you could never tell me apart, at this I started smirking for I was reminded of the time my mom walked into my room without knocking the door, slamming the door and catching my ex and me spooning on my bed while trying to get some sleep, of course if she had gotten inside fifteen minutes earlier she would´ve catch us forking, suddenly the angry tone in her voice was gone and a more worried one took its place, the topic was never mentioned and she was left to rationalize the event into whatever she thought would be more fitting, also she might´ve found it more odd since I never acted as guilty-.
Me:  Well, I just thought you should know this because you are my parents and I love you, and if you would want, I would gladly talk about it with you openly so we can all live with this as a family.
Dad: -Dad is a man that always always always have something to say and he prides himself over that, even if it´s to point out the obvious he´ll talk (which gets annoying over the years but that´s who he is and he makes a point every time he´s got a chance that he´s not changing), so his silence was really getting to me, that and the fact that his whole face was white started worrying me, he´s got heart issues which only worsened after that day-...I just don´t know what to say...
Me: You could say you love me
Dad: Of course I love you! of course... -he stood up and went for a hug, he hugged me as hard as he could for as long as he could until he realized my mom was behind him waiting for her turn at a hug, all three of us crying now-
We love you so much, you´re our son and this does not changes anything.
But...are you sure about this
Me: Completely
Dad: But there is a lot of discrimination, and people usually hates gay people, and and...
Me: But I´m strong dad, and I´m a grown up now
Dad: Listen, I know that being gay is not a bad thing, but I´ve got friends that get treated really bad by their peers, also HIV is always an issue with them
Me: Dad, I take care of myself, always had. -People usually relates homosexuality with HIV for some reason, such a wrong perspective always infuriates me-
This actually went on for some time, Dad tried to convince himself that what I was going through was not as bad as people usually imagine it being on the outside, I just reassured him for that´s what he needed the most
Dad; and you told your brother?
Me: He knows -he once while trying to turn off my computer watched some porn left there for everyone to see (What? is my computer, and my room, I would think people have the decency of not touching my stuff while I´m out, and I knew this because my brother told his best friend and his best friend happened too be my boyfriend at the time)-,
Dad: and your sister?
Me: Nope, not yet.
Dad: please don´t tell her, she´s in that age...
Me: I won´t
Dad: OK son we love you
Me: and I love you.

Aaaah, the memories, if I could go at it again I wouldn´t change a thing about it. Our relationship has somewhat improved, and my dad´s heart condition has gotten a lot better, now he´s on a diet and has lost 10 kg, my mom´s still as cold as always, but that´s just how he is and I talk to her about things I could´ve never talked to her before, like when people that go on TV that are really ugly or how ugly they dress and actually make her laugh -well, I´ve learned stuff the lasts three and a half months-. And oddly enough my dad was watching this morning "In or Out" rather attentively to see what he could catch on "different lifestyles".
So as a glance back, things have improved, now I´m me, I can be myself and don´t have to hide any more, I haven´t introduced any bfs to my parents but I don´t know how they would handle it, of course, now I had to get one first to introduce them to each other. Hope this helps anyone that´s trying to decide whether they should come out or not. And as I always say,
"A life lived without being yourself is like a song that´s not heard, worthless"
Love to all

Oct 17, 2009

I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

 Well, As Brett showed me his, now I have to show you mine

 By JustBLD

But first thanks to all you guys that worry for me and my family, your good wishes and prayers have made my sis feel better with just a good night sleep, still have to take care of her and be careful not to develop the same thing she is, but for now everything is just fine :) Oh, also today is Doug's birthday so go and wish him a good day while you're at it. and you should also congratulate Brett too if you haven't yet, he just came out to his mom, Hooray for Moms!! :D

Ok, So Brett showed me his on Thursday but I didn't get the chance to post about this until today because a lot of stuff was happening, but today I had the chance to take a picture, you know, needed to get the right light, sometimes it hangs too low so you got to push them up again which people in the street find amusing. Also I've been showing mine since Monday for everyone to see, and quite frankly at first it got me feeling really self-concious, people staring at you, I just knew something was amiss and was preparing to get insulted by people as not many guys wear theirs at plain sight -that's right, they usually cover it- well, not my case, I'm just proud of what I've got.
And as the days went by I just started noticing guys -specially- who were particularly interested in the sight I was providing -and really, who am I to deprive people from a sight of me?-. Actually today I wore it out and proud and a friend to whom I'm not out yet stared at it at every chance he got -out of the corner of his eye- but didn't say a thing -can't ask him for much, he's just shy (and really unattractive)- however it was still weird, even gave me the suspicious eye, I'm not about to come out to him yet, let him just wonder, that way it'll be less of a blow to him.
I know you must be saying: "Show it all ready!!!" but I'm just a huge teaser, so with out further ado, here's what your mouth has been watering about since you started reading:

My pride Bracelet, YAY! just what you were thinking about, weren't you?
Oh, and my hand, also while were're at it I'll show you my other arm.

My sister did that one for me, and if you look closely it has got a button to open and wear as a necklace :) I wear it all the time, Oh, and in case you were wondering about the black and white one, I usually have one just so I can exchange it with someone for one of his/hers and have something to remember them by, love to wear bracelets and have done it for the last three years now.
So here are mines, now let's see yours.
L.ve to all

P.S. next post is really important to me, so be sure you catch it

Oct 16, 2009

Out of the frying pan into the fire...Updated

About two hours ago my baby sister got home from school feeling a feeling a little sick, half an hour ago I got from school -a great waste of my time-, and she was feeling much much worse with chills and high-temperature, so my parents started suspecting it´s swine-flu -AH1N1- tried getting her tested, but as she was getting dressed she passed out, so now I`m home alone serving as ground-control, receiving calls from my parents about the situation and updating the rest of the family, tough moment here. Damn it all!

So it´s been five hours since I posted and what´s changed so far? nothing, my sister went to get a test at a health center and only their answer was: "we don´t have what it takes to make tests, nor any other part of the country, so we´ll just have to wait and see, if by sunday she doesn´t get better it might be H1N1" WTF?? So let´s hear it for mexican public services, F*çking idjets. Tomorrow she was going camping with her scout group, was an important day for her as she was going to get promoted to... whatever the next group they have for 15 yo girls. Maybe next time, still, I´m her big brother and worry about her. Thanks for your good wishes, really appreciate them.
Love to all

65 Questions of Doom

OK, So I saw this at Octavius´ blog -Here- who traced it back to JC whom, in turn traces it back to Nigel. So here are my answers:

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
I shampoo the moment I get in the shower, rinse, and repeat on end, What? it says so on the instructions label.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
*Remembering, Remembering* Hell NO!

4. Do you plan outfits every day?
I actually have a very good system for planning my outfit, I get up with my eyes still closed and grab the first thing that comes into reach, so I have good days and have days I have to get back from work running for another shirt -this is in fact true-

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
I feel like dancing ; ) -refer to question 18-

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
Mmmh, let´s see, Oh, a brochure on STD´s

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?

I usually don´t dream, but in the last one my brother brought himself a 16 wheeler and became a trucker :P

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Not new, but I got to know him a little better :)

9. What are you craving right now?
A cup of coffee

10. Do you floss?
No, I use moth wash

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Bad memories childhood memories

12. Are you emotional?
Not at all, I´m a rock... well, the name of the blog is "the maudlin story of a bisexual boy" and I just happen to be that bisexual boy, so pretty self-explanatory

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Nope... I don´t think I´ve ever even counted to a hundred

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
I lick it, oh how I lick, but after a while I just start sucking, and if it turns out good enough I might bite it a little : P wait, what were we talking about?

15. Do you like your hair?
I do, but I´d love to have it a little longer

16. Do you like yourself?
I love myself, with all my ups and downs

17. Would you go out to eat with George Bush?
No, why would I ever? would you eat with my aunt Petunia? I think she´s just as relevant

18. What are you listening to right now?
Mika´s Love today

19. Are your parents strict?
Weren´t until I turned 12

20. Would you go sky diving?
I would love to sky dive but I´m afraid I would not unfold the chute on time

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Only with fruit, and maybe enchiladas, Mmmh enchiladas.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
No, but I would like to meet some celebrities from blog-world

23. Do you rent movies often?
No, I watch very few movies and the ones I do I get them on HBO

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Besides my eyes? No

25. How many countries have you visited?
Only the USA once when I was 7

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
What you thing I was born as a 21 yo guy? -though oddly enough it is somewhat true.-

27. Ever been on a train?
No, but not a train guy, I would love to get into a plane again, last time I was in one I was on my way back from the USA

28. Brown or white eggs?
Neither, I deeply HATE eggs

29. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes, an old one that used to belong to my brother

30. Do you use chap stick?
Only when I run out of red lipstick -just kidding, sheesh!-

31. Do you own a gun?
No, and neither should anyone else

32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yes, I could win a chop stick eating contest -I wonder if there is such a thing, and if so, would you have to eat chop sticks?-. I learned in japanese class

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
With the luck I´m having... no one.

34. Are you too forgiving?

NO, it´s quite hard for me to forgive, and have a rather good memory so hard to forget also.

35. Ever been in love?
With life, and with my former boyfriends and girlfriends, but only the first one still carries on

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
At this time? (midday) probably getting drunk

37. Ever have cream puffs?
No, I´m not a big fan of pastry

38. Last time you cried?
Mmmh, three months ago, when I was breaking up with my boyfriend -tears and silence usually tell more than you´d think and lets people thinking about the wost, so bad news are easier to break to people (use this wisely)-

39. What was the last question you asked?
Would you PLEASE stop staring at me?!

40. Favorite time of the year?
Spring, lots of rain to get wet in.

41. Do you have any tattoos?
No, not really into tattoos, but I never say never

42. Are you sarcastic?

No, I may be rude, insulting, sarcastic but never an exotic dancer

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
The movie? I haven´t, the effect? I do everyday.

44. Ever walked into a wall?
No, usually walls stand aside whenever I´m walking

45. Favorite color?
Green, although red is a shoe in for second

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Sadly... no, I haven´t, looking up for the chance.

47. Is your hair curly?
Not really, but it isn´t straight either, it´s just wavy

48. What was the last CD you bought?
Probably the best of AC/DC five years ago, got into my CD reproducer and played it until it broke down from usage

49. Do looks matter?
Just for "recreative" uses, I prefer having friends that have something to say, and boyfriends that have make me laugh.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I can´t even forgive people for not getting my name right.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
Not really, I don´t use it, have all the people I want to talk to in my messenger account

52. Do you like your life right now?
I love my life.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
I don´t even have a TV in my bedroom, also I can´t sleep with too much noise or light

54. Can you handle the truth?
Truth I can handle, what gets me really upset are lies

55. Do you have good vision?
I do have a good close vision, but I have to wear glasses to see things far away.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
In a room? sure, in my classroom. I doubt there´s someone that doesn´t have 3 people they don´t like

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Like once a month, last person I talked was my grandparents on monday to check how they were doing

58. The last person you held hands with?
Mmmh, my sister last weekend -lame :(  -

59. What are you wearing?
A black t-shirt, white open shirt on top and some blue jeans

60.What is your favorite animal?
The fox, reminds me of their cunning and in some traditions Mischief

61. Where was your default picture taken at?
Google if mind doesn´t fail me

62. Can you hula hoop?
Nope,but if sometime I get into a life threatening situation that can only be avoided by hula hooping I´ll let you know

63. Do you have a job?
Volunteer job only

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
New balls -to juggle, don´t get excited, I do have balls-

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Nope, My ego doesn´t fit through a window, If I´m to go out of anywhere I do so in the most flashy way available ;P

What now? you expect me to beg you? answer them too!
Love to all

Oct 14, 2009

Sad times

So thanks all for your comments, good news is I survived my hunger, bad news, a chicken didn't, also, I was kind of hoping no one noticed what Phil did and he was the only one, luckily enough, btw, I never got my birthday cupcakes :( get well kid.

You ever had something that made you feel like a living? I´m talking about that one thing that defines you, the one that make you feel alive, the thing that without it your life would be totally useless? everyone has got a thing that makes them dream, a passion if you would, some people have their children, some others have lecture, some others´ passion is in getting laid. Well... I have a passion *sigh*
Seems like I´m skipping vital information here, so let me start from the beginning, I injured my ankle a week ago, have waited a whole week for it to heal and be able to walk again with freedom, however, it just hurts like hell whenever I step on it -no one knows this but you, I´m just used to pain and soaking it-. Now about my passion? Ironically, Running, that´s right I´m a runner and feeling the wind soar in my ears, watching as the sun rises in the horizon, getting into the woods in the morning chilling freeze is my passion, I even got a few medals, and now...
Today I tried to start running, tried to do a 5 jog on the treadmill and you know what came out? a huge screech from my thoat at the fifth step.
Also all my friends went to the beach today, so now I'm alone, yes, no classes but also no one to spend the week with :( and now my keyboard keeps switching to japanese for no apparent reason and haven't found anyone on-line with whom to talk, I know, shouldn't abuse the kindness of my friends, but just wanted to talk to someone.
Sorry, just wish this week improves somehow,さようなら
Love to all

Oct 13, 2009

So what´s our choice?

Whoa, so I get home yesterday after skipping some class -shh, don´t tell my parents- and find nine new messages in my mail´s inbox, I got worried, something must be wrong, and then I realize it´s letters of support for my latest post, OMG! who would´ve guessed it was going to make an impact on people. I admit not having the eloquence of Dr. Mandragora, nor the vocabulary of FMS, or the creativity of Dave, sincerity of Drew, insight of Bob or light mood of Torchy! I only write with passion, type with my heart and back every word that comes out with my actions and sometimes it just so happens that what comes out is -even when seems it´s been holding on by paper clips and rubber bands- an acceptable comment on my side.
I appreciate all YOUR comments, and I apologize now, for I don´t have answers, in fact have more questions than answers, but sometimes what´s more important is not finding the right answer but the right question.
So maybe violence is ONE answer as Matt. said, it is true that passiveness has brought victims only more abuse, but in the big picture and if we can learn something of world history is that the only thing that violence has brought to us is only a escalation in the methods incurred by the perpetrators, what started as sticks and rocks turns into rifles and guns, so what happens when pushes become guns at school?
Told ya, I´m all about questions. I have been through the path of violence and know thanks to life experiences it only brings more violence, luckily, I live in a country where possession of fire guns is restricted to the military and police officers, but a knife can always be concealed anywhere, homemade bombs are quite easy to do and famous around students nowadays... wait... if violence generates violence, and passiveness generates victims... what´s the third choice? How we break the cycle?

Aaah, but probably you´re tired of this, like life isn´t hard enough, I don´t have all the answers, hell, sometimes I have no answer at all. Still, you know of any other option please let me know, this world needs them.
Ok, I can´t send you on your way with a bitter taste now, so I´ll post something to try to cheer you from world´s best show ever created.

And now with a cheerful spirit go say hello to Just, he´s starting out in blog-town with his But Time Makes You Bolder blog, but I´m pretty sure you´ve already heard of him, he´s got a cool history that must be read, I know a lot of people can relate : ) Oooh, and a welcome to new follower Rythym Changes that joined as I was writing this, but you all know him, now in case you´ve been living under a rock since like April, his blog is THIS, so go, go now and read him, Thank you Rythym. Now I can keep the score even between number of followers and number of posts, YAY FOLLOWERS!! I´ll need one for next post now, oooh, who´ll be my savior?

So I´ll write about me later, I just realized I have done absolutely no work the whole day -shh, don´t tell my boss-, where did my time go? Also would you be as kind as to send me some food? I forgot my lunch and have absolutely no money to buy even the cheapest candy bar : ( til my work is done, Adiós.
Love to all

Oct 12, 2009

Don´t let us ever forget

OK, yesterday I was off topic, and today a question might come up to you, why post about National Coming Out day the day after? on one hand, we don´t celebrate that here, on the other hand I wasn´t aware of the date until Dave mentioned me about it some weeks ago and the reason I haven´t commented on something like that so far is not a secret, everyone knows I´m a softy, and personally don´t like sad stories, they make me...well, sad, but I realize today sitting in this office, this LGBT community center´s office, young Matthew was brutally, cold hearted and stupidly killed -stupid because only someone stupid enough, insecure enough, idiot enough would kill someone, just because they are different- and that just cannot be remembered for one day, he won´t be dead just one day, his aggressors won´t be assassins for one day, his parents won´t remember him only one day, nor his, nor that of everyone that has died of discrimination, of fear, of hate, of people that are just so damn Stupid. Every day I work to help those little kids, everyday I give my all to orientate, give comfort, guide all those who need it, everyday I receive kids with a smile on my face, everyday I listen to their doubts, everyday I give them answers to make their lives a better place, and people just COMES AND KILLS ALL THOSE KIDS??!!!!! PEOPLE JUST THINK IT´S SO DAMN EASY BEING DIFFERENT!!! oh sure! different is so easy, the least traveled path is always a loneliest one, so why not make it a lot harder harassing, hitting, bullying them, and you know what the hardest part part of it is? people lets them.
Bullying takes three "participants", an aggressor, someone to receive the aggression, and bystanders. The first two roles need no explanation; the third however...is the people that watches the whole process, sees the victim suffering, sees the aggressor taking advantage, sees the pain, humiliation, insults, punches and does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! about it. And still, the LGBT community could do something about it, there are people that are willing and able to help them, and together they make up a front against such assaults, so when people needs free inside that community, what happens? EXACTLY THE SAME!
What maddens me to no limit is that the kind of assaults to Matthew have stopped somewhat, and NOW bullying comes from within, gays against gays, lesbians against lesbians, now the problem is not about people being of a different sexual orientation, now people think they are superior to their peers, now we have an elitist group? now is the time we say: "I won´t speak to him, he´s a too obvious gay", "hey! you seen that queer?", "he´s such a slut". Is it the fact that we no longer have a common enemy we have turned against each other? does us being equal doesn´t defy the whole "I´m better than you" attitude? Do we really have to wait for a young boy to die to raise our voices and be together again?
Should we celebrate who we are a day a year, or the whole year long? and what better way to celebrate who we are than sharing with those around us in equality?
Now is the time to ask yourself, When was the last time I was discriminated? but also you have to ask yourself, When was the last time I discriminated?
A thousands of  lives have been lost, and thousands more will be lost unless we become together, we accept each other, we defend each other, personally I was a victim of bullying and every time I stood up for myself and fought to my last breath for myself, cost me a lot of scars and bruises, now I fight for others too, for they will no longer have to fear and face adversity alone. But you don´t have to be a counselor to do it, just raise your voice!! make yourself count!! let people hear WE ARE TOGETHER!!
So unless you want history to repeat itself, not only from an enemy from without but from someone from within, let us never forget.

Love each other

Oct 11, 2009

You make me smile

I know,  I know, haven´t posted in ages, but bear with me for a while, been quite busy and don´t get enough time during the week, for that I´m deeply terribly sorry, still I want need to thank all the people that follows and has got the patience to read this new post, also, there´s nothing I like best than coincidences, and for this 43th post I got my 43th reader which needlessly too say makes me feel an orgasm of joy, so if you wanna cum come with me let´s  give a warm welcome to Aaron author of the new blog A beautiful Caos, I think he´s totally new to blogging so let´s pay a visit, also let´s welcome Raulito5 who enjoys writing about politics in his three blogs -THREE? I don´t even have time to update this one, now I´ll go cry myself to sleep under the table :( - which are Top to bottom, Trickle Down BS and even one in spanish Cuentos de la tìa Eloi -I myself am not a political guy, but I´m glad someone else thinks it´s weird they gave president Obama the Novel peace price on such a short time, but won´t say a thing for I know nothing on the subject-. Anyways, I have a bunch of blogs to catch on, haven´t been able to read anything so far :( sorry, but I´ll try to make it up soon.

Ah, Also, this week, Phil came out to his mom!! if you haven´t heard it shame on you, shame, shame, shame, he´s an amazing kid and I love him so much since day one, so if you still haven´t you should congratulate him NOW. Also was Jeremy´s and Me, Myself and My Hand´s birthdays this week, Congratulations to both of them.

OK, I´m on fire, sot let´s see, who else do I know, Ah! on Tuesday I met Brett from Who´s keeping the Score, nice kid smart kid, and also enjoyed a couple of great conversations with S.p from Bi-Zone. Aaand had an interesting chat with James P from Blackwaxx, yeah I know, I´m far too talkative, but that´s how I´ve been spending my spare time, and so far it´s worked, however it leaves little time to post, Actually this post I started writting aroun 10 am. it´s already 6 pm and I can´t seem to finish it, been talking to Drew and Dave.

Still, let me think what I´ve done so far... I´ve been stared at, flirted, hit on aaand look lasciviously for the last week while getting surveys at a school, a university were half the population is gay, that just so happens is a couple of blocks from my house, so I wonder, what´s stopping me from throwing myself into the arms of the next youngster that flings my way? I don´t know... guess there must be something more to a relationship than looks, I know, how can you get to know someone if you don´t GET TO KNOW THEM, ach, which brings me to my next question, what is it that makes us stop and question ourselves if it is OK to talk to the cute guy next to us, the good-looking fellow watching us from the other side of the subway wagon? What makes us second guess about ourselves? if someone is looking at you and you´re interested, should he/she make the first try at communication? What would happen if we started a conversation with someone?? Something shall be done about it, I have to do something about it.

In other news, my whole class is going to "attend a congress" on the beach of Acapulco, which means they will be passing out besides the hotel pool by the third hour of their trip and until they get home again on Monday, now I can´t go, don´t have the money nor the liver to spend there. Still, my ex tried to convince me to pay for my expenses, I won´t go, he might want me to re-pay him and as I don´t have money he might ask something I´m not about to give him. So good news I won´t have to deal with him for 5 days, bad news is all my friends will be gone and I still have to go to school : P

It´s been a long week, and I don´t know how long it´ll be before I get to update this again, still, I promised I would update my facebook account a long ago and still haven´t found the time :( hope I get the time to update soon, but as you can see, if you don´t find me here, you can always find me on messenger. I´m always there for you. So take care and don´t make me miss you. Dasbidania
Love to all

Oct 7, 2009

I´m in love

Yup, I´m in love *dreamy eyes* I fell last night from the first moment our eyes crossed in each others path, this is just so indescribable, it all happened last night when I was getting home from school, lights were out inside my house,  my bedroom´s door was closed and still I could see a dim light coming from under the door, that´s when I knew there was something going on inside my room, so I swallowed what little I had in my mouth, so hard, and so dry only a loud *gulp*came out, I opened the door, light piercing in the darkness of the night, drapes shut, lights down, and the only silhouette you could see said it all, was waiting sitting in my bed -kinky, just like I like them-, as I walked in my face could only show a grin of happiness, no, it was not happiness, it was THAT smile, the smile that comes out ever so naturally when you know you´re in total control of the situation, that smile you make when you know you´re about to get what you have deserved, after waiting so long for that moment, I didn´t ask how it was possible that in my house, in my room, in my BED there was something so huge happening, how was it possible that my parents have allowed entrance to something so breathtaking for me, then I figured, they had it all planned out, now it all made sense, the telephone calls, the chats that suddenly stopped whenever I walked into the room, the suspicious looks in my parents´ faces, they did it, I asked out loud in a low voice "what are you doing here?" only a smirk and silence came as answer, and then, I knew I had to take advantage of my situation, if I wasn´t maybe someone else might´ve done it and I wasn´t going to let anyone but me to make the most out of this unprecedented situation, so I did what anyone else would, I stretched both my arms and hugged, hugged as hard as I have never hugged in my life, pleasure experienced was only enough to answer with a quiet stillness, with passiveness a low hum came out but to this point I´m still not sure who let it out, all I know it felt good.
So as the night passed on us both, the two of us as turned on as we were I decided to pass my fingers along and decided it was time, time to start pushing some buttons, so I pressed enter, the feeling in the tip of my finger just made a preternatural connection I just can´t believe, now a loud *sigh* came from me as the logo of Windows disappeared letting me into the desktop, it was so beautiful, my first laptop : D I could only dream of one before that, so forgive my excitement, to most of you this must look like a complete overreaction, to my it´s a dream come true.

So in other computing news, exactly one month ago I set up Blogpatrol in my blog and today I´m so proud of saying in that month I got 2575 visits, that´s just UNBELIEVABLE!! I can´t express enough gratitude with words and I know a little dance would only be appreciated by those who enjoy people making a fool out of themselves, soooo I better not, still will think of something soon : )
Ahh, yeah and it turns out -as today I had criminal psychology class- I have the psychological profile of both a burglar and a scammer, so I were you I wouldn´t believe anything that came from my mouth : P -just kidding-.
 Anyways, I´m too sleepy now, already 12:00 and tomorrow have to get up and conduct about 3, 000 surveys for an investigation I´m conducting, so lots of work ahead, and work too, so it´ll be a loooong day. Take care, kiss your mom, brush your teet, hug your pet and above LIVE your life like it´s the last  day, just to be sure.
L.ve to all

Oct 6, 2009

What worries me

First of all, and only because it means a whole bunch to me, need to thank all the guys who commented on my last post, Thanks to Ethan, Aek and Octavius for their unconditional support, and to Cougar, for his words have given me a feeling that I´m not alone. To Dave, well he knows I love him even if I might get angry, is not at you but rather at life -my life to be accurate- and I hope you forgive me for being such a child sometimes.
Anyways, on saturday got to talk to a lot of guys I really love, for example, got to barely say good night to Torchy! and send him off to bed -though I should´ve offered him to tuck him in bed but lost the chance : P - still, was feeling pretty down and Drew was there for me as always, I really don´t know what I would do without him.
As for the title of this post *sigh* what worries me lately is not that I´m becoming a little more depressive as days go by, nor the fact that each step I take hurts me -went to a concert on saturday and hurt my ankle- or that sleeping poorly really gets me down, or that by thursday I have the face of a zombie and usually scare the heck out of old people in the subway. What really gets me is the fact that people who care about me are getting more and more worried for my well-being, I don´t want anyone to worry about me, I´m really not that important : )
and I don´t want anyone to feel bad about me, friends at school are look at me and think the worst is happening, give me so much support and let me off the hook of so many things I should be doing, friends on the internet start chats with me just to check on me, and because I usually write the first thing that comes to my mind as status late at night when I get home -which are not always all that positive-. Still what I´m trying to say is I´ll be OK, not used to having so many people worried about me, nor trying to cheer me up, I feel really weird and sometimes uncomfortable to be talking about me all the time, told you, not that important, just appreciate your concern, I really do and don´t even know how to thank you all for all that, you have shown me so much love, I just don´t know how to repay you all, feel a little ashamed of the thought, hope I might be able to do it overtime and in kind, till then know that I really appreciate all your concern. Thank you, once and again.

By WickedNox 
Still, today is tuesday, I don´t look as bad as I will later, was approached by a girl at the gym to ask me my name and got to talk -you know the old "I´ve never seen you around"- and guys staring at me at the subway and at school, don´t really know what to do about that, a little awkward but flattering at the same time. I think it´s because I don´t feel so good that I don´t start a conversation with them, still you were in my shoes, what would you do?
That´s  it for now, you see me around I´m always in for a chat ; )  hope you get the time, til then.
Love to all

P.s. All this excitement and I forgot to congratulate my friend, one of the guys that gave me the warmest welcome anyone could wish for when I started all this blogging thing, My dearest friend FMS who just recently came out in his birthday and I couldn´t be more proud of him. I love you man!!!

Oct 3, 2009

An idle mind... is what I need

So sorry, I know it´s been a while, been thinking about what I´ve recently done, and came to realize that lately I haven´t been up to anything good. Tests week is over now -wish you could all see the sparkling reflection in my eyes-, had to spend mornings in a study like trance so boooring! worst part was the papers due for before evaluation time, tests were easy enough but writing papers is just not for me. Also I got really really late to a test on Wednesday and professor didn´t let me take it, so I completely and utterly failed that subject, still was worth it, was in company of a person I love a whole bunch -on messenger, but was a fun conversation-.
As to the lack of updates I owe it all to my feeling of emptiness, I've been feeling down and why write something that will only worry the people that reads this? I don't want pity so why write about how bad I'm feeling? so now things should start looking up -HOPEFULLY- and I decided I need to get back again in the saddle, living in memories and fantasies is great, but what I want right now is get back on my feet and hit the dating scene once more -do I hear people clapping? I damn better should be :P - it's been good being by myself for a while, but now that I think I'm doing better I should start looking for someone, still, I have no idea where to find that someone, not where he is or where to start the lookout, never been to a bar all alone, period, not once, not alone that is, still don't think that should be the place to look at for nothing but a night of uncommitted fun, sooooo, I'm pretty much at a crossroad :S

However sitting here and waiting for someone to fall on my lap -although, as tempting as it might sound someone just falling into my lap- probably will never happen.

*sigh* seems like a storm is coming, hope you don't mind me using you as my umbrella.

Right now and more than anything I want to thank all the guys who commented on my last post, thanks for their kind words that really made me feel welcomed and glad I shared those thoughts into the world. I specially want to thank Mr. Urs with whom I shared this week one really interesting chat, and I hope it repeats itself once more and again and again, and to Brett, I told you I would use Flickr : )
Aaah, that's all for now, hope to see you around.
Love to all