Mar 27, 2010

I need a break from this

No, not a break from my blog -I´ve taken a break for too long for that- I need a break from my heartbreak.

However before anything might happen I want to thank to everyone for their kind comments, their mails and love  all got to me and made me feel so much better.

Here´s what has happened, my bf and I, we talked things over, really really fast as he as always had no time to waste, I understand him though, and knowing that he´s got too much going on atm and I had to let him go -why people say that? it´s  not as if he wanted to go, he just had to- it´s a not the right moment kinda thing and what I want is someone that shows a little interest, maybe just want not to feel indifference out of him, maybe I´m the one that´s imagining these kind of stuff, however I wasn´t feeling like living with that, don´t know if I make any sense.

So lately I´ve been feeling really down, on Friday I decided not to go to work, one of the greatest things about working with gay people is we get depression days, haha, kinda funny if you think about it, guess I found just the fitting place for me to work. I know I´ll be OK given time, right now I just want to be alone.

And to say goodbye to this guy that wasn´t supposed to be with me at this moment, the only song I like from Green day as it makes me feel all tingly inside every time I listen to it

Green Day - Time Of Your Life
Cargado por BulleT_iN_A_BiBle. - Videos de música, entrevistas a los artistas, conciertos y más.


Mar 19, 2010

I´ve got an Owie

Well, actually what I´ve got is a f´çkin´ heart failure -a metaphorical one- here´s the deal

As I´ve told you before my boyfriend doesn´t enjoy showing affect in public spaces, therefore he doesn´t kisses or hugs me anywhere but private places, usually I get to steal a kiss from him every now and then and I´m happy, he´s happy, everyone´s happy, right? wrong, dead wrong, what happens when I´m the only one that seems to make any moves at all -I mean trying to kiss him- how do I know? cause I stopped trying to kiss him and he has not once tried to kiss me.

So OK, I put up with that cause I´m supportive, I don´t care, no affection in public? whatever, so I try to get us to get some time for ourselves, it´s been now four weeks that I´ve been trying to get him to go out on a weekend for a date and the result is I´m still waiting for him to make some time, OK you´ve got a life and things to do, but always?

Now you come feeling bad, I do everything to make you feel better, make you smile and forget about your problems, put aside all my issues and listen and try to make you happy, cause I care about you, but one question assaults me... do you care about me?

Anger? I can deal with, sadness? peace of cake, insecurity? my day job, Indifference? That´s the one that makes me feel like shit.

Has this relationship ended without me realizing? are we just like friends now?

WTF is going on?? Feels like I´ve given so much and now I´m left alone, and yet it feels so good when he´s around; one  thought is making his way from the back of my mind, one that says I should just leave, let him go and do whatever I want after that, I wish with all my might it doesn´t come to that, I enjoy his company and I know he cares about me, but I wish he would show it, if I´m as important I wish he would show it to me in any way.

Don´t know what to do now

Mar 15, 2010


Today was the day I got home, was in a place far away, you see my grandmother was suffering from depression as her brother died a few days ago, so being the concerned grandson that I am had to go cheer her up, which is easier said than done -yeah I know, sound like I´m Mr. Goody two-shoes, but you know what, I don´t f*çkin care, it´s MY grandma, if you wouldn´t do that for yours then I´m sorry for you.-
Now, let me clear this thing for you, you might think all grandmothers are the all loving, cookie baking, scarf knitting old lady that sits in a rocking chair by the fireplace, heck no, my grandmother refuses to get old and will do anything to prove she´s so young, so for her knowing that her brother died is a huge blow as she´s so young for her family to start dying. So anyways, grandma is a hard person to deal with, she´s the matriarch of the whole family and her feelings are airtight, so for her own good had to get there and help her let her feelings out before she had any kind of health problem; so after a weekend of cathartic work I was more than happy to come back home. Don´t get me wrong, I love her, she´s just complicated.

The whole weekend was deprived of internet which made me realize how much I´ve become an addict of this thing, also, her house is in the middle of Still-town, Mexico, so it´s boring as heck and it´s got nothing to do... well, only thing it´s got is a beach just across the street which was almost empty, but have to admit, a beach all for yourself is not half as fun, still, weekend was filled with a pronounced learning curve in family history which was cool as one has to know where he comes from to know where he´s heading, so right now I´m just tired from the five hour bus trip at night where I can never catch any kind of rest; right now I just need a good night worth of sleep and I´ll be fine. Oh, in case you´re wondering, today was a spare day at work and school so I took the chance to stay home and rest all day.

So anyways, cool to see you all around again, I´ll see you again really soon -I hope- :P


Mar 10, 2010

Uhm, Hello?

...Yeah, I think I still remember how to do this.

Ok, so to everyone that follows and/or reads the blogs of this cool guy an enormous apology from the deepest part of my heart. I´ve got no excuse as to why I haven´t updated this place but know this, I´ve been quite busy, busy, busy, you know, work´s  been quite involving, some days I can´t even get to school on time, but not to worry, nothing´s gone to waste -specially with the classes I´m taking- SO the real object of this is to let everyone know I´m doing fine, been wishing really hard to get time to write in my blog but once I get home only thing I wish for is to go to sleep and don´t get enough spare time, so I´m truly and utterly sowwy about it.

Btw, I noticed that since I last left I had gotten a few more followers, welcome everyone, and this only goes to confirm my theory:: the only thing that damages this blog is my presence.

Anyways, just wanted to drop you a line or two, hope to be writing really soon, til then, Dasbidania.