A little imagination goes a long way

First of all, no, you didn´t stumble into the wrong blog, spend most of the Sunday trying to change the template and did OK : ) but don´t ask me how I did it for have no idea : P now to something important, Thanks to everyone for their comments on my last post, glad to see Mr. Urs back been a long time, and a warm welcome to everyone new, glad you´re here to share this collective effort to keep my sanity, hehe, and last but not least an apology to Ethan from the bottom of my heart, I was feeling awful that night and I´m the worst person when sleepy (not what you think).

And now for something completely different...

Do you remember that thing on your right side of the brain you used when you where kids? that thing which got you everywhere you ever wanted? what was that called? Imagination. greatest thing ever to exist, don´t know where I´d be without it, now as a grown up we don´t use it anymore, so here´s a little exercise for you and me to get a little workout  and not forget we´re still boys, sure hot and sexy boys but nonetheless boys.

Do if you could be a character from a story, folktale, bedtime story, anyone at all, who would you be? would you be Spider-man? geek turn super-heroe, the pied piper? who blowing his flute attracted all the boys around.

Know who I´d be? I would be the Big Bad Wolf 

 By Tsukiko Phantom

So I could blow and blow ´til the house comes down, also a little huffing and puffing would  be involved after that. Perhaps then I would find my Red Ridding Hood

 

From Goosfrabba

And maybe when I find him I could go ridding along

By Bayougirl 

Or maybe I´ll be as lucky as to find my Seven Young Kids : P just don´t cry wolf and come into my lair.

 

By Sindereon

All the love

The Big Bad Wolf

Coming out in a text message

I´ll have to thank everyone for your warm and kind words, I did what I could to have a good birthday party but no one told me what I could do to have a birthday party :( so didn´t have one, so it´s everyone´s fault but mine. Not really, I just had some problems with my ex (charly - my principal -), yup my ex is back (again and again and again), but won´t get into details there, so I just forgot to throw a party, I´ll limit myself to say I had a decent week. But now to the point of this post.

Disclaimer: The following stunt must only be performed by a completely idiot person and no one should ever try it at home.

"borrowed" it from The paranoid psycho

My best friend Al (I love him, he´s really a nice guy and has taught me so much about being a good person as I am at nature the worst human being alive), anyways, Al and I didn´t talk to each other while on vacations as he had some family issues (his grandfather was sick and eventually died), but wanted to come out to him, as he´s my best friend, and since we´re back at school he wanted to know who my "girlfriend" was, didn´t tell him anything but told him if he wanted me to tell him he would have to come for we to talk (I just didn´t wanted to do it on msn for I know he´s really afraid of gay people, he doesn´t talk dirt or bullies them, just had a bad experience once in cancun with a boy and now he´s really worried he could like it, so he doesn´t like seeing two guys holding hands).

OK, so the day of my birthday Al told me he didn´t have any presents for me, told him he didn´t have to worry, we would figure something up. Had to leave early because I wanted to go catch a movie with my brother, so as I was leaving I send him a message telling him I had just figured out what present he could give me, and all I asked was his tolerance, told him about my relationship with our principal and told him I just loved him as a brother and that was that and I hoped nothing would change between us, if he wanted to talk I was there to answer any questions but if he didn´t want to it wasn´t necessary, and is true, I would have never brought it to a conversation ever again.

Now I know this guy in depth, I have slept with him (slept only, not sex) so you might understand why I did it that way, I know we´ve been through a lot and he had to have a loooot of time to think things through, if I were to confront him he would just have told me to get the fuck away from him (I´ve had reactions like that, my favorite is "dude, don´t touch me" not really encouraging). Next day he sent me a message telling me I should be a little tolerant with him for it was a huuge surprise to him and that he loved me and that if I wanted to talk he was there for me. At school I just gave him a hug and asked for his forgiveness for the way I´ve told him, however, we talked as nothing ever happened , so I started to think he didn´t want to talk about it, until we were left alone on our way to the subway, he started talking about it and asked me a lot of questions about thinks we have done together, and asking me if I fancied him, which I don´t though he´s cute and has a lot of luck with the ladies.

We talked for about an hour and when we realized it was really late he had to go, gave me the greatest hug I´ve ever felt and we parted our own ways. I´m just happy he accepted me the way he did, I was really worried to lose him, I could afford to lose a lot of people but him is just someone I would die for. Now I can comment openly about guys and he just enjoys it when I do, he even make follow up jokes :)

And this one from Butterscotchfart

So that´s that, but couldn´t leave without thanking Phil for his Balls (Billiard Ball Cupcakes), never had anyone bake for me, thank you so much can´t wait to have a bite at them ;) you all take care now and thanks your patience in reading my blogs, know sometimes I ramble too much and I apologize for that.

My love to all
Me

25... and yet it moves

Who would´ve guessed? there IS such a thing as a Happy birthday to me, I apologize for the late update but yesterday I was literally stuffed with cake as I had to eat my way out of everywhere I went, they gave me one cake at work, one at home and two at school, I have more cake in the freezer than groceries, so you want a slice I´ll be more than happy to send it to you. But don´t you think I´ve forgotten all your love and birthday-related comments, I have never felt so much love in my whole life and is all thanks to you, I am as always humbled by your kind words. AAAh btw and before I forget you should pay heed and go SeePhilBlog, a sweet 16 yo that has been posting since May and just changed the appearance of his Blog (yes Phil, I noticed).

If you were to ask me a couple of weeks ago how I was feeling about this b-day I would´ve told you: "I´d much rather stick a knife through my chest than suffering another year of that stupid socal interaction known as a birthday". There is a reason for that and might not be a good one but is the best I have, as I was "different" no one ever came to my parties since I´m seven years old, even if I where to invite my allegedly "friends" they never did show up, even my brother had more guests than me that day, so decided not to go through that ever again, however as yesterday was a so much enjoyable time everyone asked me if I was planning something special for the weekend, as said no they all suggested me I should at the very least throw a party and maybe I should, the problem is I have not the slightest idea of what to do, so any and all ideas are welcomed, please, do tell me.

Now, another reason I didn´t want to turn 25 is because I wasn´t ready, don´t quite know how to explain this but thought I still had so much to do before turning a quarter-of-a-century old, I think that by this age most of the people have already ended their studies, have a job, even get married, are economically successful and I have none of the above. However... I did accomplished some pretty big things in this year alone, so to show it I prepared this "TOP 10 THINGS I DID THIS YEAR"
10. Started attending a gay club; what? you don´t remember your first time?
9. Had my last girl friend to date, though short lived lives in my memory
8. Started helping people; I love my job
7. Ended a relationship; first time I broke up with someone, big step for me as I was always the broken one
6. Got closer to my brother; I hated his guts since we´re kids
5. Met a lot of people both on the web and in everyday life
4. Started this blog; I told Blue (an ex) how impressed I am he had a blog for I am a really private person (not so much anymore)
3. First boyfriend; yup, great deal that Blue was
2. Came out to my parents, ´nuff said
and...
1. Came to terms with my own sexuality, never thought I would, now I love myself for being able to do so, so if you haven´t done that give yourself the chance, you´ll never look back.

So now I´m ready, if I could accomplish all those things in this year what could I do that beats it? only one way to find out.

One last thing, as I was celebrating my birthday yesterday, this couple came to my office yesterday, they have been in a relationship for a year now and wanted to get tested for HIV, they are in his late twenties and seemed to love each other so much, we tested them, not good new for either, they both are infected, I´m not saying they´re doomed nor their lives have ended, all I´m saying is it could´ve been averted, this is the first time I had a HIV positive test and it does have an impact on me, as I celebrated life theirs just turned a 180 degrees, so please do be careful, do use protection and do love yourselves as much as you love your partner.

Today I´m 25 and yet I´ve been alive for only the last 4 years but that´s a story for another moment, for now let us celebrate life, celebrate that we´re alive, that we´re together and that we have each other and have health and love, let these never to go away and let´s hope if there is a higher power pulling our cords from above or if moody Fate allows or just by simple chance we are given the chance to spend this and many years together, Here´s to that, bottoms up! :D


P.S. Sorry guys, forgot to add the piñata, you can't have a fiesta without one

Some unconfortable revelations

You all know what time it is? yup, comments review time! (applause, applause). First of all, thank you all for your comments and concern, to know so many people care about what I feel is already a huge boost, and talking about people interested in what I write I want to welcome all new readers and thank them for not being ashamed of admitting you read my blog :) Now, I got a comment in spanish from a guy named René, he's mexican too and has his own pic-blog which is in spanish, but worry not, they talk the universal language of nudity so nothing is lost in translation, hehe, he was of great help telling me to stop whining and practically to man up, I love to get these 'cause sometimes I get too focused I can't move on, so thanks, and thanks to everyone else once again for your kind words and pearls of wisdom. Haven't slept that much still but I'm hanging on, btw, I also found this guy also from Mexico which is a real artist, his name is Arenko, he also has a blog in which he shows some really wonderful drawings he does, a must see, there is also a little inscripture in each one in spanish, if you can't read them the drawings are totally worth it either way.

I've been doing fine enough, keeping myself busy, it seems my brother is now a groopie from the band we went to see last week, so we got on his car and drove up for about an hour to go see them and other local 8 bands unheard of, but my brother loves "Los Daniels" and so we got there, again with my cousin Barb, she's a nice person, but I hate that she's always touching and hugging me, during the concert she was always wanting me to touch her, hold her hand, making me touch her always in different and more disturbing parts of her body, she introduced me as her boyfriend and that's when I knew something was wrong, she even tried a pass on me, when I was behind her she tried reaching for my groin, WTF??? when we were back at the car she told me she had a crush on me in front of everyone, I'm not interested AT ALL in her and I can't stress that enough, so for now is no Barb for me.

Seen a couple of movies today, "Berlin Calling" a great german half movie, half musical, hahaha, no, is the life of a DJ but is really good as half of the movie focuses on the DJ and half of it is spent on raves, good one, and "Color me blood red" a 1965 american movie, really funny though not intended to be that way :P got a good laugh at the movies.

Tomorrow I'll start classes, and seeing my friends is something that makes me creave go back, however seeing my ex doesn't. This will be my last semester, that really saddens me as is the last time I'll see all my friends together, we're a small class of only 30 students so we get along rather well and it will be hard not going back for another term after this, however I'm desperate to wrap things up at school and not going back, so I have mixed feelings.

Also a major announcement, on wednesday I'll turn 25 yo, that's something big. Have you ever knew something before it happens? like when you think of someone and he's trying to call you that exact moment? or when you just know before hand something is bound to happen and it does happen? well I get a lot of those, all the time, and I know I don't have a lot of time left in this earth, NO, I'm not going to commit suicide, I'm not depresed, or that stressed, I'm not that coward, nor is an attempt to call everyone's attention, it's just something I know and that's that, I hope I do get it wrong but just in case I don't I decided to live my life to the fullest each and everyday. Sometimes I just know something will happen, like three months ago I was walking home as always at the same time I've walked home for two years now and suddenly began to think of the last time I got mugged, I didn't pay any attention to it and just kept on walking; just before getting home in the last block, in the last corner, I got mugged by two guys with a gun, coincidence?

I'm sorry if this last post has been too lengthy, I wrote it in a rush and with little time for I'm really sleepy and have to go to bed soon. I wish you all the best, and a great week, I'll post when I find the time, which I hope is soon. I'm forever in your debt for reading this blog (including this long text), and for all your feedback. Thanks.

All the love
Me

Not one nor the other, but something in between

Just a quick one I promise, I've noticed that it doesn't matter whether I'm hanging out with my straight male friends or my gay male friends, no one seems to fully accept me as I am, I'm not straight enough or gay enough respectively, I do hate that my straight friends think of me as a pervert, no matter how good we get along, they might not remember while hanging out, but in the end something always reminds them that I'm just not straight and that probably all I'm trying to do is get them in their pants. On the other hand, when I hang out with my gay friends they always seem to drift apart and not fully trust me, they look at me eyes filled with insecurity and a face that reflects they don't know if they should act like they do when with only gay friends :`( Seems I don't belong anywhere.

Image borrowed from Piko Neko

As I write this post my first boyfriend arrived to my home, I call him Blue (even while talking in spanish), I know he won't say hello, he's a good friend of my brother and I broke the rule of not going out with my brother's friends. I still feel something for him and what hurts the most is that he knows it, I talked about him in the first post I ever did only didn't mentioned his name, I hate that he knows I still care about him, and hate even more than he's in a relationship right now, it's just that when you feel like no one's getting you in life, and don't know what's going on with you and find your first boyfriend suddenly you feel like everything makes sense, when that happened to me I just couldn't be happier and thought the love would last forever, now I'm just hopping it doesn't cause it just hurts so much.

I'm feeling really sad just because he's here and I know is because of all the stress in my life but right now I don't need him here. F*ÇK!!! why am I the f*çking drama queen I am?

I hope my life gets better after a good night sleep, don't think it'll help that much though.

All the love
lonely me

A little about my job

I´m writing this in the darkness of the morning in my kitchen table, I´m not sure how long or how many computers it will take before I´m able to finish it because I´ll save this as a draft and continue to work it till I see the end of it in my little spare time, trying to add a line a at a time. It´s been a hard week filled with long wakeful hours, relentless ex-bf, human time bombs, upcoming classes, the stress of a new job, little spare time and almost no fun, but still I do have to be thankful, it could be worse, so instead of opening this post with thank-you notes I´ll try to let some of my frustration go with this comic strip:



(snicker), I was feeling like a fat chick joke was appropriate and I just love this one from Zack Weiner =)

So anyways, instead of talking about the shit of my life decided to talk about the learning experience that has come off my new job. I got there first thing in the morning on monday and discovered my co-workers lying on the floor, my boss which I´ll call M (why not? James Bond calls his boss the same), M was teaching them pilates and asked me to join, I´ll tell you, it was weird watching that though by now I´m used to it, so we got a three month´s supply of free condoms (15, 000 of them) and I can tell you I´m literally swimming in rubbers, we hand these to every person who comes and asks for them and hand them out every boy in school in which we go and give the sex talk, we also have this homophobic class and a course in the militia.

I´m currently working on a project to make propaganda about aids "how can you detect HIV & what to do if you´re positive", so it is a learning experience, I´m getting to know a lot of people organizing events pro-LGBT, a lot of models (one had the most wonderful eyes I´ve ever seen) they bring in for campaigns and photo shoots and some principals of schools interested in our free classes as they are all financed by the government, in the office we are only three people working to make things happen (M, Frank and your´s truly), so we really need all the help we can get, they let me into their library which is rich in contents and would take a long time to finish them, and they are all interesting as hell so it was a hard time making up my mind on which to read first, ended up with a book called "helping gay and lesbian teens" it´s really interesting.

To sum things up, I´m pretty happy with what I´m doing in my new job, I do hate the drama of my life and as I don´t have the stomach strength to handle it right now it will have to wait, I´m beginning classes next monday and I´m hating that, also next wednesday will be a important date to me but I´ll tell you this next post, don´t know when it´ll be but I promise it will be soon, so take a lot of care please, you wouldn´t know the number of people with STD´s were handling right now, don´t become part of the statistics.

Ta-ta for now
Tired me

P.S. I´m probably online in the mornings in my job as all the communication is carried out in msn so feel free to talk with me, but do be patient sometimes I´m a little busy but I´ll make the time for you if necessary.

Reached the goal; A concert; hot-guy goes missing.

Been a long weekend and I haven't been able to post as I have been really tired lately so hang on cause it's going to get messy, all shall be explained but first as is tradition the first paragraph goes to thanks and review of comments...mmh, are my eyes betraying me or do I really have 12 readers??? nope, it's the truth, I promised myself I wouldn't cry... thanks to everyone I know is hard keeping track of what I write and to have so many people reading what I have to say really makes me smile from ear to ear =) so, so, so thankful just can't stop smiling. Ok, so thanks for Mr. FMS for another great quote, he does know many though I don't particularly like his penname, it sounds like a disease like Fibromyalgia Syndrome (hahaha, just kidding man, you know I love you). And Keliss is right I do appreciate everything I have and everyone I know. And a big hug to Aek whom I haven't seen in days.

Saturday
So saturday I went to the morning in the gym, after that spend some of the evening reading Mark Millar's Ultimates 2, great story btw. At night my brother asked me if I wanted to attend to a concert of a rock band I didn't know, wasn't much into it until he told me it was in the gay district, after that took me two minutes to get ready (for I don't like to look overdressed), we picked up my cousin Barb from the side of my dad (haven't told her about me as my father told me she's a let's say informative person and my dad didn't want his whole family to know, so he asked me to be careful with what I said i.e. stay in the closet). She's a nice 21 year old girl but she's always poking me and touching me and that's way to uncofortable for me. So somehow they let us in the club without I.D.'s and asked for beer still without I.D.'s. (remember, in Mexico you're legal at 18).

So the concert started, the two opening bands really stunk and I prefered to stay seated, while I'm sitting there alone I notice this guy eying me from across the room, won't lie to you he looked OK, but when I got up he's gone, the band we were going to watch then appeared at the stage and I realize the guy eyeing me is the bass-player, now upclose he looked better, sorry forgot to take pictures but I was busy (just wait), so the people started jumping and head-banging and I was enjoying myself, then beer started to rain from everyone's bottles, I took off my semi-formal shirt and leaving just my sleeve-less shirt covered and dry Barb and me with it from all the flying beer, my brother is in the mosh pitt by now and I'm protecting Barb from the people pushing, the band takes their shirts off now and bass player was a little better now, however he was no-contest for a boy just in front of me, he was really hot, and that's new to me because I've never refered to a guy as hot ever before so just imagine my surprise, so I notice hot-guy and decide to dance just behind him (as much dancing you can do at a rock concert), he turns and catches a glipse of me so he starts dancing too, as the music continues I start pushing forward and as the music continues he starts pushing backwards. So we're there dancing with our skin rubbing, our clothes entangling themselves and my breath in his ear. So picture this, I'm holding Barb's arm with one arm, my other arm's around hot-guy's waist, Barb can't see what I'm doing as she's dancing like a madwoman and there's a lot of people, when all of a sudden a girl comes and starts dancing in my back just like I started with hot-guy, the girl is not really gorgeous and I find her not to my liking, but she just doesn't go away, luckily in that same moment everyone at the concert starts pushing and getting really wild so I take Barb to a safe place leaving behind hot-guy and dancing-girl, but as the concert ends I just cannot find hot-guy :( and all he leaves me to remember him is a huge hard on, well, either ways I just don't know what I would've done with him (besides that 'course), maybe just ask his telephone number, goes to show you how unexperienced I am, so any suggestions?

After the concert I got home at around 2 a.m. when I arrive I realize there's a mail from a friend asking me some help (really heavy stuff), so I got to bed at 3 a.m. and not even get to sleep properly as I'm really worried about what might happen to him.

Sunday
On sunday I woke up at 8 a.m. I'm so sleepy but can't get anymore sleep as I usually wake up at that exact time, so I'm walking like a zombie all day long unable to listen right because of the concert and feeling miserable for the lost of hot-guy, spent the afternoon trying to get a gym bag to no avail, my brother invited me to see a movie but I had to get ready for the next day as it was my first day in the new job but just couldn't get everything done and got to bed around 12 o'clock with a mosquito that couldn't stop bothering, so no good sleep there either.

Monday
Woke up at 5:45, five f*çking fourtyfive in the morning, I usually don't wake up before the sun does but I guess you have to make some sacrifices if you want to do what you love. I'm just too tired now to tell you about first day at the job so that's a post for another day, I know it's been a long post so I'll leave it at that for now. I'm still happy about my twelve reader, almost so happy I could forget about hot-guy.

HOT-GUY WHERE ARE YOU!!! (I said almost)

What's the deal with this Fer guy?

I thank you all for your comments and hope I find some people with kind hearts like Mr. Urs former landlord, talking of which, I've been spending some hours now trying to get this post into a coherent order of ideas, and this is the best I've got so far, so I apologize before hand it it is not as coherent, short or intelligible as I had planned.

Next monday I'm starting my new job, it's a task which I take with the utmost importance, now, people reading this might think I have a great feeling of servitude or compliance, nothing farther from the truth. I offer help and comfort to people quite frankly because I needed help myself when I was younger and alas never found it, when kid at school I was always perceived as "different" by my peers and as "different" is not seen with kind eyes among the comon populance became ostrisiced and rendered to the margins of social interaction, needed nothing but a kind smile and a couple of ears to listen at me, in fact I began to believe I had somekind of mental problems as noone seemed to be able to understand me and I couldn't penetrate into their social circles, endless nights I spent trying but never grasping what was wrong with me, my inability to fit in made me desperate and so, not finding any comfort anywhere and following the beliefs of my dad that I should be able to do everything by myself with the help of anyone started roaming without feeling the need of being with someone and learned to not need or trust a single soul.

I know this is not an easy world to live in, I know problems always find their way to get to us, and I know this is a terrible place when you have to walk it on your own, I've walked down paths on my own most of my life, not until I was 18 years old found myself in the company of people that cared about me and so began to understand the meaning of friendship, those where 18 years of loneliness, 18 years of doing it on my own, 18 f*çking years of nothingness, of a complete void, of waiting for someone to reach and grab my hand, of not knowing what was wrong with me, of not fitting in, of thinking how wrong I was. I know how being alone feels like, I know it and wish noone felt as alone as I did. Now everytime I hear a kid sobbing, see a teenager depressed, watch the tears in a young adult's face try to do whatever I can to help so perhaps my own sobbing, depression and tears will be healed and not make another person suffer what I been through.

And so my dear readers in general, and my friends in particular if I offer you any help trust I do so from the deepest most sincere part of my heart, for I do wish you a life without suffering and I do try to do my part in this world to make it a better place everyday.

And now it's time once again to keep moving on for nothing should ever stop us, and green means go!



Hugs

Economical crisis

First of all a quick review on comments, Aek thank you so much for your support and I can't thank you enough about your reference to my blog in your last post, and Mr. Urs is totally right, sometimes I become the resentful, ire-ridden, manipulative bitch everyone hates dealing with, enjoys watching from affar and turns into every once in a while, but I promise not let her come out sooo often. And as for David welcome to the club now -my eighth follower, almost there =)- looking forward to talking to you, so you should add a msn address people can reach you in.

In other news I've been checking my economical state, and thanks to my scarce (now, that's an eufemism) savings I'll have to survive my last semester with an average of $200 (pesos) a week, wich according with the bank it would be less than $15 dollars, so if I pull this one up I guess I'll run for president in my country, because I have to pay for transportation, at least one meal a day, books, photocopies, and all the expenses that must be done. Still my situation is a not so bad one, there are people that have to feed their entire families with that money each week.

So bad is the economic situation that even restaurants are starting to make new campaings to attract people:

translation: FREE CHILDREN saturdays and sundays. *after one o'clock*

So now you know, you want a child, come to Mexico and enjoy our children give-away. I should work at a travel agency : P

Big hugs to everyone, also I if you have a lover remember him/her why they are so lucky to have you with them asap, if I had someone I wouldn't miss the chance you have tonight.

P.S. you know I wouldn't leave you even if no one else reads this thing, as long as one person is reading I'll keep posting because I've made some great friends over the last couple of days and I never leave a friend hanging on a string.

Anger Issues

Today I found myself cursing people in my mind an almost elbowing them as I passed next to them while walking on a speedy pace, almost like jogging and all of a sudden realized there is something wrong with me. and I've got two things on my mind making me sick to my stomach, one in my personal life and one in general, and I'd like to begin describing the later, it has been brought to my attention that a lot of blogs are being shut down, now I know I'm new here and maybe that's why I don't understand the nature of this I think maybe it is because this blogs had explicit contents, but then again where is the line? Am I going to be censored if I say the word F*çk? well, what do you know.

Now to my life, aah my life, how wonderful it was, anyways, I've been going to my school on recent days as my new job and my school's timetable were a little odd, so I had to go and talk to my principal (my ex) so he authorizes this changes, now he didn't know I was going, I just texted with a friend of mine that works at his office, she asked me to tell her when I was arriving, so I told her and after that she sends me the weirdest message saying something like "you know how Charly is, he misses you but he won't tell you openly", so as strange as it was got me thinking and I didn't know what to answer so didn't. As I got to school I met with this girl and we talked and she told me that Charly has been in the weirdest mood he even took her phone from her hands as she was recieving my message, so I asked her if she wrote the last message I got and told me that she didn't and didn't know what I was talking about. Ok, so I think he might want to talk to me about something, I wait for him and all he does is ignore me all the way, he starts talking on the telephone with his friends and while I'm there he starts telling them of the last one night stand he had, he summons some of my classmates and we go to eat and still doesn't talk to me, all this to avoid me from talking to me, I get it! you don't want to talk to me, but after I come home he texts me telling me I looked as if I had something to tell him! F*çk!! I got really pissed as he now starts to project his feelings into me, so I just reply nothing in particular, just wanted to see how you're doing, had to go to school but you weren't interested so I had to leave, want to talk?

I'm still waiting for his answer. He's being so childish and talking defensively, thoser are two things that cut all the love, I did similar things to my first boyfriend and now know they do no good at all, and I assure you I'm not his first boyfriend.

Anyways, on a lighter side of life I met this awesome boy author of the slowest moving train. Turns out he's a young writer from Australia and has won a writing contest and now he's moving into the state finals it is really a great short story everyone should read which is really really good, don't trust me? go ahead and read it, bear in mind he just won a f*çking award!!

I appologize for the long post but I was really frustrated, right now I'm dancing in my seat to the beat of "All together now". Love that song =) and feeling better.

AAh, before I forget I'd like to welcome all my new readers, thank you guys, I write this for you (well, this one was mostly for me but I'll never say hehe), and I'm getting closer to my goal of having 10 readers in the first month, otherwise I'll stop writing :( please, don't let that happen.

Anyways a big hug to everyone where ever you might be

P.S. FFFF****ççççkkkk!!! sorry, had to try it one last time :)

New Job :)

I know in an old post I said I needed some spare time to study so I had to quit teaching but today I just had a great opportunity, now people might think is not a job because is pro bono service but I just have to give something back to the society from which I've taken so much hehe, so today I went to a LGBT center and saw they where searching for people that might give some psychological counseling, and being as I am knew I couldn't let this opportunity pass. So I had an interview with the project director, a great guy who seemed a little worried that I might not like the project or that I had some prejudices against gay people, and when I told him that I was into that he relaxed a lot and started making jokes and smiling, so we got along great and explained me that they do HIV tests for anyone who decided to take one and that they needed a counselor for the pre-while-post of this tests, so over the next week I'll be reading and learning most of what there is to know about STDs, hygene and how to give confort and guidance to HIV possitive people. This is a great thing for me as I love to help people, that's why I chose my carrer and I'm glad I give be able to give something back.

So wish some luck to the proud new counselor

A walk down memory lane

As I was sick and didn't have much strength to go out the 6th I postponed my date with my high-school friend (satou) for today, and even though he came up with the time at which he would be able to make it he arrived one hour later, luckily I had taken some precautions and took the book I'm reading with me, after all that he arrived and we got to walk up and down the streets with no destination, I was really hungry and we walked into a cafeteria we found and had some lunch, after that we talked for about two hours of all the stuff we used to do and games we played (as we used to play roleplaying games everyday after school), and so shared a lot of chronicles and adventures I used to tell all my friends.

After two hours of laughing and a waitress staring at us (mostly me -b/c she needed the table- haha) we got up and walked for about another hour until it was getting really cold and windy, and as I didn't want the evening to end I invited him for a coffee at the nearest coffee shop which was really great as we started talking about all the relationships we've had and so I came out to him, he took it really well, in fact three minutes later he leaned against me until his shoulder was just against mine, I in turn leaned against him and once we got comfortable I reached with my arm and hugged him from behind and so we talked for almost half an hour still talking about all the girls and boys in my case as it turns out he never had any boy-on-boy relationship (though he doesn't seem unconfortable around boys), it seems he's not certain of taking things to another level with his girlfriend and she doesn't seem too interested in spicing things in her relationship, however I'm not going to get in the way of their relationship, I wish him the best and if he so desires take his time and work things a little more slowly, I'm not about to ruin anyone's relationship for I would really hurt someone who got into mines.

So we ended up really tired, it was great talking to him, and his still kind of cute, though I went to meet him with low expectations right now I know I would rather have a friend like him for years to come than a one nighter and be filled with akward moments later (which is not how I do things at all so maybe I'm growing up... aaah, don't want to remember growing up, my birthday is around the corner and still haven't made amends with that), So there you go Mr. For My Sake that's what happened : P (really nice guy).

Also on Thursday I went to see a great play called "Cthulhu's envoy" inspired in the novels of H. P. Lovecraft with a great script and with awsome actors (one really hot) and as it was a horseshoe audience I noticed this guy eyeing me all the play but later noticed he was with a boyfriend so I stopped caring. I'm exhausted from all my walking and talking so right now I've got a date with a warm shower and my bed, be it alone or with the one you love, but sleep tight!

P.S. sorry had some pictures I wanted to show but my memory stick got crazy and deleted everything, hate when that happens.

Under the inluence of drugs

It's been a while since I last posted, sorry 'bout that, I'm sick, that's not news but I also got the flu three days ago, yesterday I was in bed most of the day, alone :( with a horrible headache and drugged, I think the medicine is making me really happy and I don't think that's a good thing, haven't been able to do much but rest, although that didn't stop me from going to have a quick 10k run in under 45 minutes, I ended massively exhausted and thinking I was gonna die, but surprisingly today I woke up feeling better. Now the reason why I got the flu is really simple, I've been sleeping for five to six hours and working out for an average of 4 hours daily for the last three weeks, I know I shouldn't spend so many hours at the gym and the running track but since I was feeling really shitty I needed to do something and that's the best way I know to get things off my mind (besides sex but that was the problem to begin with since I don't have anyone at the moment to practice it).

Sadly, not many things new in my life, been at msn in the afternoons, getting to know all the kind people of this blog community, they have all been great to me and I hope that doesn't change, also I think everyone should visit Jeremy's blog and wish him a speedy recovery (for I wouldn't wish my worse enemy to go thru what's he's feeling).

In other news I just joined the list of 17, 000 other mexicans without employment, I decided I will take a time off work to finish my last term at school without anymore extra worries, so now I'm extra poor, but money has never been a problem since I never had it in the first place and that has never stopped me from doing the things I love the most like hanging around with my friends or going out on the weekends since Mexico is a really cheap country, anyways today I'll try to relax and overcome the flu, I'll try to be in msn in the evenings until I go back to school, so hope to see you there.

Big hug to all

Straight to School

No, I'm not having classes right now, I'm still enjoying three more weeks of vacations, and I send my deepest and sincere condolence to everyone who has started with their class already, But what do you do when you're alone, have lots of spare time, friends that have begun taking classes at a school where 80% of the male population is gay AND said school is two blocks from your house?? The answer: you dress up and pay them a visit.

So today I went to that school, which is public and really big, they teach international commerce, accounting, and many more related to such topics, I went to see a friend of mine, a girl called Rayo (which in english would translate as Thunder), I know her from my japanese classes (I studied japanese for two years), since she returned this saturday from Japan. As I waited for her to arrive I talked to a lot of people I haven't been able to talk to for a long time, and also I got to see the boy I'm dating on Saturday, Satou (for more references consult: Getting there)

Satou passed beside me in the entrance hall, I stood in front of him watching him as I couldn't believe he hasn't changed a lot in the last six years, he on the other side saw me but didn't recognize me!, I was about to talk to him when I saw he was with torchy!a girl with flowers in her hands, I couldn't but assume she was her girlfriend, so I didn't say anything and let them walk away, So I saw Rayo and she entered her class and I told her I would wait for her, went outside and started reading my book but rain started to pour, as I got into the halls I noticed Satou again walking with his girlfriend and I decided to pull him from his backpack until he was facing me, he was scared and didn't seem to know what was happening or who I was, and when I started to talk he couldn't believe it was me, we hugged for more than it would be confortable to hug a friend and I walked them over to his next class, we started talking and his girlfriend is a nice girl and we liked eachother, but it came a point in which she was really annoyed that Satou couldn't stop hugging me so he had to stop (that bitch!!! hehe), his next class was cancelled as the teacher didn't show up and we talked for almost an hour, the time came when I had to leave and so as he was talking to his girlfriend I hugged him from behind really tender and sweet and said good bye to his girlfriend, he turned and hugged me back, I'm so into seeing him this saturday (and him alone).

The rest of the day went without any consecuence, I had a coffee with Rayo and came home, tomorrow however I will have to go to my school to pay next term and do my timetable so that means going to Charly's office, we'll see how that turns out, I'm hopping for the better but who knows.

As it turns out I have to go with my sister to her new school so she can buy some books, she got accepted into this art school and I'm really happy about that because she's still young (only 14) and she will be able to develop her artistic skills, she loves drawing, I studied drama a couple of years back, now everyone complains I make such big dramas when I want something really bad :)

Anyways I'm really excited I just recieved my first post, thank you so much torchy!
I feel a part of the family already, and thank you all for following. That's all For now, have a great day and a even better (and busy) night.

A toast, to you, to me, to everyone

Just had one wonderful night out with my brother, we got to see the 1927 silent german movie "Metropolis", only this time a rock band was playing their version of how the movie should sound, it was weird sometimes as they were only two guys; one playing the guitar, the bass and lyrics, and the other the piano and the drums, it was really fun watching them switch their instruments and the movie is a real must-see classic. After that we got to a place called "The Beer Museum" located downtown, it was a really small place with lots of international beers, now I usually don't drink alcohol but it was a special ocassion to share a beer with my brother and so we asked for a Norwegian beer.That's my brother (before the beer), so as you can see we really don't drink that much.

Also the roses in the garden are already blossoming, that's really good as I love the sight of them next to the entrance door, but I have to cut them down and put them on some water before my "lovely" neighbors cut them and take them away.

But as this is the first one of the season, to everyone out there who's alone or feeling lonely tonight I dedicate this rose and a toast with my Carlsberg beer, Cheers to you and me, and may we feel better soon and be with the ones we love forever.

Take good care of yourselves and hope to hear from you