Under a blue cold moon

-So we´re settled then -Dzyan typed over his keyboard without anything in particular in his mind - I´ll see you in a couple of hours, see ya then. -of course, after all this a moment of clarification kicked in, the kind of moment when the succession of things that have just happened really sink in and people realize what they did.

-You have a date -said the voice in the back of his head- You haven´t  gotten a date in months -that voice, the voice that talks people out of things, the voice that whisper in everyone´s ears to prepare them for the worst, that voice everyone has heard more than once in their lives, it´s voice know to everyone as "self-doubt"- do you think he´ll even like you? what if he gets bored? .

-Shut up you, you know I haven´t payed attention to you in months and I´m not having any of your pessimistic thoughts now -unbeknownst to everyone else, Dzyan usually chats with these voices that spring in his mind every once in while, they usually argue with each other and reach to conclusions over what should be done next, this is also known as insight. Self doubt, even when it´s got a negative connotation is an evolved part of the human brain that grew from the more primitive part called fear, which helps people get away from dangerous situations, but when heard too much can lead to a life of solitude.

And so time passed, he got to his destination on time, sharp as a razor, he sat there and got a message -I´ll get there in 5 minutes- Dzyan however has never been keen to wait sitting, even sitting for classes was an exercise for his will, so he just walked around, 20 minutes elapsed and far away his silhouette was visible at last, it was the silhouette of a remarkably cute 21 year old boy, that even when they have been acquainted for over a year, he didn´t know Dzyan´s secret intimacy with men, Dzyan has always been at an advantage there as for even if his date was hard to recognize as gay he has developed an eye for that and had knew he was from the beginning, they had grown apart because they have been busy over the last few months, however over the last week they had started talking to each other and gotten close enough as to get a date.

-Ed, so glad you got here
-So sorry, wasn´t my intention, I was just...
-Hey, doesn´t matter, you´re here now

Wind was blowing in their faces, weather had been getting colder since the sun came down more than half an hour ago, they took off and started talking, walking the streets, Dzyan has always enjoyed walking, it eases him and makes conversation more pleasant for him. He wondered in his mind how this particular uneventful day free of school and work could´ve become the first date he has gotten in such a long time.

When the weather got even colder they got into a coffee shop, the smell was inviting and the warmth was welcoming, Ed held the door open for Dzyan and insisted on paying for the beverages, which put him a little unease as he had never been treated this way and in fact, was Ed´s role the one he usually assumed during dating. Conversation carried on smooth and without problems, although a little anxiety could be seen in his date, so Dzyan tried on different occasions to calm him down holding his hand and slowing things down so that he didn´t feel uncomfortable. After an hour of this, Dzyan´s legs got once again a little more than restless and he knew he had to start walking again, he didn´t feel the cold for his body was always warm, even today he wore only a plain black t-shirt he couldn´t feel but his blistering temperature, his date however couldn´t stand it, even so, they got out and walked together on the cold, Dzyan was so repentant he couldn´t sit still for a longer time, so to keep Ed warm he went on and hugged him while they walked against the freezing wind, and so their bodies kept warm.

Night was already at it´s peak and they knew they had to make their way to their respective homes, and even while Dzyan made his best effort in leaving Ed off at the nearest bus stop, Ed insisted on walking him to the farthest point he could, so they walked on the street, Dzyan wondered if he should go ahead and try to sweep him off his feet, kiss him then and there with only the moon as their witness, but he refrained, he had already done harm to other people with his recklessness and Ed was special, he wanted to take it slow and make it right, time has always been Dzyan´s worst enemy, seems like he always race against it, like he always wanted to beat time in it´s own game, but time is necessary, time is needed, time is wise.

So when they reached the point where the subway and the bus touch each other they knew they had to part ways, they hugged and thanked each other for everything, and walked their separate ways not before promising to go out some other day, but for now, staying only as friends.

When Dzyan got home, he sent a message on his cell phone to thank once again for the coffee, he has never truly believed in waiting 24 hours for a thank you note when you really are thankful. He laid in bed and glimpsed back on his day, - Ahh -he thought- things like these only happen bi night