Nov 7, 2009

Best Friends FOREVER

When I was a young kid and went to elementary school, no body would play with me -can´t quite put my finger on the exact date but pretty much was at the very beginning-, no one would even talk to me for most of those years, it was sometime around that time that I met her, she used to skip gracefully between everyone, such a grace was almost incorporeal, always smiling seemed like she was mocking everyone all the time, long loose hair, perfect school uniform every time, she came to me and I let her into my life because she seemed the only one interested in playing with me. It seems now to me, we spent most of our time together, she would come to my house and be with me for hours, my parents didn´t see any particular reason why we shouldn´t be together because we always seemed so happy, played along, took long walks and whatever young kids that age usually do. Granted, she wasn´t That fun to be around but she was with me, she kept me companied for long seasons, sometimes we would linger together in big parks, and even if there were lots of kids around us We just kept together, it was such a strong bond no one would ever be able to break, we always managed to find our way back to each other, which really was interesting for at times we kinda grew apart because I got to know some guy at school which I liked and she got mad at me for talking to someone and just went away -well you know how kids are, they can´t be blamed-, but that never lasted long, before I knew it the boy I talked to would go away, find "cool" friends and never even glanced at me again, and then she would return to comfort me, she would hug me, envelop and accompany me.

We were good to each other, she even followed me to the same middle-school, we were always together, seemed inseparable, still it´s so good to find that through such hard times she would never grow tired of my presence, you know how things are at that age, everyone´s so worried about the changes they are going through, but she never got into trouble with no one, I on my behalf wasn´t as lucky which only made Us much closer to each other.

At last I went into high-school, was a weird time, got to meet so many people, so many that I almost completely forgot about her, must admit that -as selfish as it might seem-  I never got the time to think about her, she would phone sometimes but I told everyone I didn´t want to talk to her, when she knocked on my door I would hide and fake no one was home, my parents asked about her once or twice but I just didn´t know how she was doing -yeah, I´m really not a nice guy-, but never as much as missed. Now whenever I got into trouble Igot to fight my fights and seemed that people had my back covered, no use being around anyone that couldn´t so much as help me beat people up.

Not so long ago she came back, convinced me to start making this blog thingy because I was having so much trouble in my life and I could not post a thing so far because I have been spending so many time with her -and when I´m with her time just seem to past right through me-, I owe to her so many things, so many problems, so many hours of boredom, so many tears, so many long nights, so many friendless years, so many... so many it looks as if I´m destined to send the rest of my life with her, today I look back and realize she never did went away, she was just waiting for her exact moment to make her glorious comeback, most of my friends know about her, know our history together, they know we don´t get along so good and even if they try and stop me from meeting her again their efforts are thwarted by my best efforts to get in touch with her, they really worry about me but I just choose not to pay any heed to their advice, they would call to advice me better but I just choose to not answer their phone calls and turn my phone off. Don´t know why I do it but at times I just need to be with her to remember all our best times, and rejoice in her presence, she seemed to make all my problems go away...when I was a kid, now I´m no longer a kid, I thought she would go away when I grew up, I thought when I met people I would no longer need her being here, I thought I would no longer have to suffer from her presence, and what´s worst, I thought I wouldn´t seek her again, run into her arms, let her swallow me, let her shroud me with her mantle.

Maybe she´ll be with me until the very last of my days on earth, even if I try to get away from her, she always finds her way back. Now I don´t get a rest from her, she follows me, follows me into my very dreams and torture me in them, can´t get a good night sleep, can´t get no rest, can´t get away.

I still remember our first conversation at school, when I was younger, sitting at the limits of the play-yard watching other kids run and play joyfully, screaming and running as all kids do. She appeared out of the blue, jumped into my back and gave me a reassuring smile, asked my name and then went on to introduce herself "don´t worry Dzyan, I´ll always be with you, my name is Loneliness".


Just said...

Dzyan, very moving post,... i glad she introduce you to blogging . Wish I could wave my hand and make her go away( I still believe someday you will escape her) . Funny how we can have all the people around us and still feel her. Love talking to you. Love Just

Dave83201 said...

Thank you for a moving post. I think many of us have had the company of your "friend". I hope for you that she will have an ever increasing difficulty tracking you down.

Cooper said...

Thanks for the heart felt post. I love post like theses.

Anonymous said...

I miss Pete each day when he goes to work. He comes back and we find it quite hard to get close. The more the week goes on the worse this can get. I often hardly seen anyone from one day to another.

I do have the Former Bitch but I kind of rely on online friendships and stuff to keep me sane and stop her getting in.

There's a couple across the road from us - he's almost uncommunicative. Barbara immerses herself in her church but she also speaks, nay gossips with everyone who passes.

She is almost the personification of your girlfriend.

I almost avoid her now when I go out with the Former Bitch. I pass by on the other side. I wave and shout a greeting, but I don't stop and talk, as she'd love and I don't invite her in for a coffee.

I might pluck up courage and do that one day - I couldn't say.

Do you think I should? Or should I continue to pass by with a wave and a shouted greeting?

Aek said...

That was quite the post. Perhaps you're just waiting for the day that someone comes along that will permanently keep her in your past.

But you know, at the very least, I'm glad she got you blogging. Because otherwise I wouldn't have met you. :-)

Octavius said...

That was really sad mate. I wish there was something I could do. Well I am still here if you need me.


billy said...

Leonard Cohen ends his concerts with a simple prayer.

May you be surrounded by family and friends. And if you are not, may the blessings find you in your solitude.

MartininBroda said...

Since I didn’t read you blog that rarely I was guessing while reading when the downer comes, I really like your posts, but …, so at the end here we are. But as said I really like to hear from you.

Jacob said...

Hi, thanks for commenting on my blog. It led me to read this post on your blog. After reading the title and then the first few paragraphs I stopped reading because I couldn't relate to reading about having a BFF. So, I started watching football on tv again. I returned to read your blog again during a break and then realized your post was about something other than what the title suggests. Feeling lonely sucks :\

JP said...

Wow, that was quite the post. Like what Aek said, I hope that one day someone will come along and permantely keep her in your past. But then again, if it wasn't for her, I never would have found your blog or met you in the first place which would have been very unfortunate considering how much you mean to me.

Also, I haven't been receiving updates from this blog :( well, i'll try and work it out.

All the best,

Anonymous said...

That was a really good post and the ending was whoa...

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