Yay posting, feels like ages since my last one, I won´t lie to you, what´s commonly referred as brain, in this particular moment to me would come in as handy as a paper-weight. Feels like it would only help me for two things, nothing and the same -that´s actually an old mexican saying-. Today I got out of my test just in time to get to my brother´s birthday party, that unfolds itself as I´m writing this, just taking the time-off to write a couple of lines and talk to some really important guys I have the privilege of knowing.
Certification test was not as hard as I thought it would be -maybe it´s just that I´m way smarter than I give myself credit for (yeah, right)-, however, if I never again read a text that starts "An 11 year old boy has got problems in school..." and has the audacity to continue with "his parents don´t care about his health" and/or "he´s been administered 1001 psychological tests and his results are as follow..." and even after all that information they dare asking
"would you:
a) give him treatment
b) pat the parents on the shoulders
c) send him to a mental-institution
d) give him a sandwich -not a ham one that is- and a hug."
Well, not really that obvious, but the thing is some questions were like really obvious if you read the questions and not made questions on your own mind, and what does all the information have to do with the question anyways???
So today I´m a little tired, actually got to sleep for half-an-hour even when there´s a party all around me, but was feeling SO frustrated I had to go to the first gym I stumbled into and guess it was mature gay hour, but didn´t realize that until well after I had payed, changed outfit and done like an hour of good work-out -yeah, I thought it was weird when while I was changing that guy was staring at me while naked and kept watching me for a good whole minute, but was too busy minding my own business to notice after a while- but it was like three o´clock in the afternoon, how was I to know? you might think, Oh what you complaining about? well, for one thing, those guys were from ages ranging from 40 to 60, and I´m not into mature guys -respect them as I may I´m not into that and my respect to them ends where their respect to me starts- and on the other hand they were creepy muscles mountains, they looked alright if you´re into cross-generation, mature, bears and/or leathers, but I´m not, and this creepy guy comes my way and starts trying to make conversation, sure, I´m always in for a good conversation but after a while noticed he was really staring at me in the weirdest most uncomfortable fashion and had to put some distance between us, so went to the changing rooms and started getting my street clothes, got them on and the moment I´m getting my backpack he enters and blocks the entrance with his body, keeps up with the light-occasional talk, I´m thinking, need to get out of here someway or another, so he starts getting his clothes off, asking "and what are you doing tonight" now I knew that was my cue, so I told him I was going to go celebrate my brother and sister and I was kinda in a rush so got between the little space he left between his body and the door and got to slip away not without having to scape from the grasp of his hand with all the strength and agility I could muster at the moment, so I don´t know what he was about but wasn´t staying to find out.
So people respect each other, we´re all civilized here. Gotta crash now, last two days been really tiring and need to get some rest now. Take care of yourselves and don´t be strangers, keep in touch.
Love to all
Me
Oct 24, 2009
Oct 21, 2009
Burning down the House
First let me assure you no one was in any real harm and anything of value was lost.
Next and to bring to life an old tradition... I want to thank my speechless commentators Aek and Aaron, I think I still have the ability to leave people in a perplexed stupor :) And to billy for his comment too, I'm always glad to hear from new people, thanks to everyone. And a warm welcome to new follower Barry from The Irish Oriental Garden come on in and make yourself at home. Oh! also I haven't had the chance to read a lot of posts lately -I'll explain this in a minute- but I heard Dave has reached the milestone of 50 posts, a great hug -wherever he might be- and all my love to him, so go and congratulate him NOW!
For those of you that never pay attention to my shout-outs and for those who just returned from congratulating Dave I have to explain something, I kinda "accidentally" set fire to my kitchen. It all started this morning with a call to my cell-phone while I was at the gym -morning? I thing it's called morning once the sun comes up, still it was really early- telling me I had to go make even more surveys, and being the diligent worker that I am -or rather the good friend that I am- gathered all my things and came home running, took the ham-sandwich my mom made for me this morning and left it in a pan to let it toast -love when the cheese gets grilled and the crunching sound of white-bread when you bite through the toasted crust and the smell of hot ham, mmh, I think I'm having an orgasm- after that, I realized I was coming out of the subway and couldn't eat with my hands dirty -bad habits you gain while studying bacteriology- at the bathroom I realized I need to take care of some business, so I went, realized my jeans were dirty from the day before and had to change them, while I had my pants down -alone- noticed my legs needed some cream, while thinking of cream it made me remember the last time I had a coffee, yeah, I was checking up some papers from school, school, that made me go back a day to the class I was having where I needed to make some homework I think I did but wasn't sure how my grades were doing so turned on the computer to go check my grades at the school's web-page, in the mean time I notice a subtle scent in the air, which makes me remember how hungry I am, at that exact moment I took a key out of the pocket of the jeans I'm just sliding up my legs, Where is this key from? so I start trying to remember the last place I was with those jeans on, yeah, it was the gym, it must be the key to some locker, I had just come from the gym and that reminds me I'm hungry, at that point I recognize the odor lingering in the air, it is the aroma of a sandwich, one which I remember I was craving, one which remember I was thinking of eating, one which I remember I left IN THE PAN!
So while I run to the kitchen -with my pants still unbuckled- see more light than usual coming out of the kitchen's threshold, so got there running and with a towel start putting off little fires in the room, luckily, nothing more than a couple of plastic recipients where lost and everyone was safe and I assure you it's the last time I eat quickly-cumbusting sandwiches.
OK, OK, I might be a little spacial right now, but I've got a good reason, a mighty powerful reason might I add. On Friday it's my certification exam, so if I ever want to practice as a licensed psychologist I must pass this exam, now don't get me wrong, I know I'm good at what I do -all false modesty aside- but take an exam that will test more my memory of the last four years than my actual knowledge will be a little more fustigating, that is because the test will be divided into two days in which three four-hour tests will be administered, one on friday's evening and two on saturday, for this I will need a little luck and a whole lot of patience.
Anddddd that's not the worst part, the down part of this all is that on Friday will be the birthday of my brother and my sister, they were both born on October 24 with a slight difference of twelve years, the same day! that's just a wonderful coincidence as they weren't see-sectioned, and I won't be able to attend to neither party, :( my sister will have lunch with all his friends from school and the rest of the family on friday right after school, and my brother will have his on saturday at the same time with his friends here, mean while I'll be stuck in school with a boooring exam. Hate that. So yeah, I'm really pissed off, also on saturday is a race I wanted to run, but as I have no ankle for that that just sucks. Hope I'll be bringing some good news soon, at least the grade at my test. Wish me patience!! -I really need it- :D
Oh, and never trust a sandwich -not a ham one at least-
Love to all
Me
Next and to bring to life an old tradition... I want to thank my speechless commentators Aek and Aaron, I think I still have the ability to leave people in a perplexed stupor :) And to billy for his comment too, I'm always glad to hear from new people, thanks to everyone. And a warm welcome to new follower Barry from The Irish Oriental Garden come on in and make yourself at home. Oh! also I haven't had the chance to read a lot of posts lately -I'll explain this in a minute- but I heard Dave has reached the milestone of 50 posts, a great hug -wherever he might be- and all my love to him, so go and congratulate him NOW!
For those of you that never pay attention to my shout-outs and for those who just returned from congratulating Dave I have to explain something, I kinda "accidentally" set fire to my kitchen. It all started this morning with a call to my cell-phone while I was at the gym -morning? I thing it's called morning once the sun comes up, still it was really early- telling me I had to go make even more surveys, and being the diligent worker that I am -or rather the good friend that I am- gathered all my things and came home running, took the ham-sandwich my mom made for me this morning and left it in a pan to let it toast -love when the cheese gets grilled and the crunching sound of white-bread when you bite through the toasted crust and the smell of hot ham, mmh, I think I'm having an orgasm- after that, I realized I was coming out of the subway and couldn't eat with my hands dirty -bad habits you gain while studying bacteriology- at the bathroom I realized I need to take care of some business, so I went, realized my jeans were dirty from the day before and had to change them, while I had my pants down -alone- noticed my legs needed some cream, while thinking of cream it made me remember the last time I had a coffee, yeah, I was checking up some papers from school, school, that made me go back a day to the class I was having where I needed to make some homework I think I did but wasn't sure how my grades were doing so turned on the computer to go check my grades at the school's web-page, in the mean time I notice a subtle scent in the air, which makes me remember how hungry I am, at that exact moment I took a key out of the pocket of the jeans I'm just sliding up my legs, Where is this key from? so I start trying to remember the last place I was with those jeans on, yeah, it was the gym, it must be the key to some locker, I had just come from the gym and that reminds me I'm hungry, at that point I recognize the odor lingering in the air, it is the aroma of a sandwich, one which I remember I was craving, one which remember I was thinking of eating, one which I remember I left IN THE PAN!
So while I run to the kitchen -with my pants still unbuckled- see more light than usual coming out of the kitchen's threshold, so got there running and with a towel start putting off little fires in the room, luckily, nothing more than a couple of plastic recipients where lost and everyone was safe and I assure you it's the last time I eat quickly-cumbusting sandwiches.
OK, OK, I might be a little spacial right now, but I've got a good reason, a mighty powerful reason might I add. On Friday it's my certification exam, so if I ever want to practice as a licensed psychologist I must pass this exam, now don't get me wrong, I know I'm good at what I do -all false modesty aside- but take an exam that will test more my memory of the last four years than my actual knowledge will be a little more fustigating, that is because the test will be divided into two days in which three four-hour tests will be administered, one on friday's evening and two on saturday, for this I will need a little luck and a whole lot of patience.
Anddddd that's not the worst part, the down part of this all is that on Friday will be the birthday of my brother and my sister, they were both born on October 24 with a slight difference of twelve years, the same day! that's just a wonderful coincidence as they weren't see-sectioned, and I won't be able to attend to neither party, :( my sister will have lunch with all his friends from school and the rest of the family on friday right after school, and my brother will have his on saturday at the same time with his friends here, mean while I'll be stuck in school with a boooring exam. Hate that. So yeah, I'm really pissed off, also on saturday is a race I wanted to run, but as I have no ankle for that that just sucks. Hope I'll be bringing some good news soon, at least the grade at my test. Wish me patience!! -I really need it- :D
Oh, and never trust a sandwich -not a ham one at least-
Love to all
Me
Oct 20, 2009
Dante got it wrong
Dante Alighieri, though a master in his own right, made while writing his novel entitled "Divina Commedia" an unforgivable mistake, it is written in such book -which relates the story of Dante and his travel through Hell, Purgatory and Heaven (whether you believe or not in such places is not the matter of discussion)- that upon the threshold of Hell is inscribed "abandon all hope ye who enter here", when in fact upon said threshold is written in glowing letters a far more terrifying inscription, one that makes the most brave man shake in his boots, one so terrible that it´s only sight not only makes people "abandon all hope", but in fact it makes them wish -if they haven´t yet- wish never had been born; thus it prepares them for the worst and far beyond, those words are, in fact, the very utterances you hear every time you know life as you know it has finished, the must dreadful line in the world: "I have something to tell you".
However such an omission should not be credited to Dante, as it was in fact a publicity stunt from his editor, as he knew no man would ever read such book, for men are truly terrorized at the very sight of them, still credit where credit is due, he convinced Dante to change the eight circle of Hell -to MY good-luck- from the place where humorless entertainers -such as graceless court jesters, bad writers, modern days politicians and me- where laid to spend eternity into the more poetically -but not totally unrelated- one described as the circle of Fraud. Now to this change Dante only agreed after negotiating that God should be portrayed as a fully naked woman with a roasted pork in one hand and a glass of wine in the other -this however was changed in the final version by his editor too, and being replaced for a glowing orb of luminescent light (all this unbeknownst to Dante of course)-, meanwhile the only thing the book could think about was how with its new acquired nudity scenes that may lead to casual sex and demons would make him way cooler than his older brother "La vita nouva" where a guy falls in love with a girl that dies, that would show him. -oh, and there´s also no nudity, it´s the thirtieth century what were you expecting?"
But back to the topic that concerns us, the words "I have something to tell you" on their own have nothing inherently evil nor harmful, they could in fact become the beginning of a pleasant conversation in a nice coffee house near a Parisian boulangerie, or at the hall of an all girl school in the middle of recess, this however is only when the conversation is between two human beings that have reproductive organs on the inside rather than on the outside. Alas, for men while listening or producing it, such a phrase -generally accompanied with a frown and spoken with disdain- never precedes a memorable moment.
Usually, when given to someone the we-need-to-talk liner the look on their faces becomes a freshly made masque of clay that has just been poured with water, eyes sink, eyebrows fall, mouth slowly opens and cheeks hang from the sides of the face. However if the one on the receiving end is your own person , this sentence of doom -one which the most cruel and sadistic judges would never dare to say-, the earth around your feet seems to become quicksand trapping them and making it completely impossible to run away, heart shrink and sinks into the innermost part of the chest, lungs seem to loose their ability to draw fresh air and muscles tighten to the point of producing an overall pain that paralyzes the rest of the body and renders the listener into a torpor-like state that completely deactivates all defensive mechanisms available to that person and makes him just *sit and listen*.
Throughout the life of your most humble narrator, the need of saying the afore mentioned line -which shall not be repeated for the sake of the men of all around the world reading- has only presented itself two times -besides the one in which his parents were to realize of his "different" sexual inclinations- and neither were, on their own rights pleasant for anyone. One of such involved the breakage of a "love" relationship, the other one however was one in which results were more of a life changing experience. One in which, as happens to many people, our hero discovered that his true calling was not that of being inside a laboratory studying bacteriology and opted -despite the hatred that it might´ve bred in all his family- become but an adept of a more gentle discipline that is known as psychology -for to all lights and if we must be honest to each other, it´s not by far a science-.
So men of all races, colors and flavors, be Afraid. Beware of anyone that might come up to you and say such an unbearable phrase, don´t ever use it lightly, words have power, and those words, said in that exact same order have the power to scare sleep, shatter dreams and make the earth quake. Next time you hear it RUN, run as fast as your legs can, if someone is holding you by an extremity my recommendation is this: bite it off like trapped coyotes!, you might survive with one less arm, but broken hearts take more time to heal, and when ripped from the chest by the person you love the most it stops the world from spinning.
When was the last time you used it?
Love to all
Me
P.S. I must warn I might not have crossed referenced "some" information posted here so I might end up in the eight hell either ways
However such an omission should not be credited to Dante, as it was in fact a publicity stunt from his editor, as he knew no man would ever read such book, for men are truly terrorized at the very sight of them, still credit where credit is due, he convinced Dante to change the eight circle of Hell -to MY good-luck- from the place where humorless entertainers -such as graceless court jesters, bad writers, modern days politicians and me- where laid to spend eternity into the more poetically -but not totally unrelated- one described as the circle of Fraud. Now to this change Dante only agreed after negotiating that God should be portrayed as a fully naked woman with a roasted pork in one hand and a glass of wine in the other -this however was changed in the final version by his editor too, and being replaced for a glowing orb of luminescent light (all this unbeknownst to Dante of course)-, meanwhile the only thing the book could think about was how with its new acquired nudity scenes that may lead to casual sex and demons would make him way cooler than his older brother "La vita nouva" where a guy falls in love with a girl that dies, that would show him. -oh, and there´s also no nudity, it´s the thirtieth century what were you expecting?"
But back to the topic that concerns us, the words "I have something to tell you" on their own have nothing inherently evil nor harmful, they could in fact become the beginning of a pleasant conversation in a nice coffee house near a Parisian boulangerie, or at the hall of an all girl school in the middle of recess, this however is only when the conversation is between two human beings that have reproductive organs on the inside rather than on the outside. Alas, for men while listening or producing it, such a phrase -generally accompanied with a frown and spoken with disdain- never precedes a memorable moment.
Usually, when given to someone the we-need-to-talk liner the look on their faces becomes a freshly made masque of clay that has just been poured with water, eyes sink, eyebrows fall, mouth slowly opens and cheeks hang from the sides of the face. However if the one on the receiving end is your own person , this sentence of doom -one which the most cruel and sadistic judges would never dare to say-, the earth around your feet seems to become quicksand trapping them and making it completely impossible to run away, heart shrink and sinks into the innermost part of the chest, lungs seem to loose their ability to draw fresh air and muscles tighten to the point of producing an overall pain that paralyzes the rest of the body and renders the listener into a torpor-like state that completely deactivates all defensive mechanisms available to that person and makes him just *sit and listen*.
Throughout the life of your most humble narrator, the need of saying the afore mentioned line -which shall not be repeated for the sake of the men of all around the world reading- has only presented itself two times -besides the one in which his parents were to realize of his "different" sexual inclinations- and neither were, on their own rights pleasant for anyone. One of such involved the breakage of a "love" relationship, the other one however was one in which results were more of a life changing experience. One in which, as happens to many people, our hero discovered that his true calling was not that of being inside a laboratory studying bacteriology and opted -despite the hatred that it might´ve bred in all his family- become but an adept of a more gentle discipline that is known as psychology -for to all lights and if we must be honest to each other, it´s not by far a science-.
So men of all races, colors and flavors, be Afraid. Beware of anyone that might come up to you and say such an unbearable phrase, don´t ever use it lightly, words have power, and those words, said in that exact same order have the power to scare sleep, shatter dreams and make the earth quake. Next time you hear it RUN, run as fast as your legs can, if someone is holding you by an extremity my recommendation is this: bite it off like trapped coyotes!, you might survive with one less arm, but broken hearts take more time to heal, and when ripped from the chest by the person you love the most it stops the world from spinning.
When was the last time you used it?
Love to all
Me
P.S. I must warn I might not have crossed referenced "some" information posted here so I might end up in the eight hell either ways
Oct 18, 2009
My big 50 or How I grew up and could no longer fit in the closet
Today is a date of celebration as I´ve done fifty posts already, fifty more posts than I thought I could be able to do four months ago. Now, if you´ve been a follower of this blog for more than two days, you might now that I´m all about celebrating special occasions so thanks to my dear old friend FMS decided the topic to celebrate this milestone for me would be the day I came out to my parents. Good friends of mine have been coming out to their own parents for the last two weeks, Phil, Liam, Jason, Brett, FMS, to mention some brave guys that had the balls recently to achieve this deed. Also I thought about doing this post a whoooole lot of time ago, but could never get around to do it, maybe for the better, it I would´ve done it sooner the result would´ve probably been: "I towlkt, hogged... uuuhm... towlkt some more and then wi left". So yeah, I´ve improved a little in my writing and redaction, but still have a long way to go, but please be patient with me.
It all started a Thursday evening on July, over 14 weeks ago -wow, it´s scary how life can twist and turn in a three and a half months period and still keep perfectly still in so many ways- had tried to come to my parents since the weekend, but the condition wasn´t the ideal one, mood at home was flinging from extreme happiness to extreme conflict -as it usually swings around here-, shocking news can´t be brought to a conversation when conflict is abound for people would use them as a scape goat, but they can neither be discussed in times of extreme happiness or people would just hate your guts for breaking their scarce gleeful times. But that morning and that time was just perfect, my sister was at school, and my brother was sleeping, as he´s a sound sleeper I knew I had an hour to have a decent conversation with my parents, one which wouldn´t be too lengthy as he´d wake up to go to work and even if things happened to get ugly and shouts started happen my brother wouldn´t wake up -hell, he wouldn´t wake up even if his bed was on fire and Nero was playing his violin by his side-.
Mom and dad were drinking coffee like every morning, and watching morning news like every morning, I had woken up one hour earlier and drank myself some coffee and made up a bag foreseeing...well, the worst and waltzed right to the living room, walked to the TV set, turned it off and pronounced the most feared phrase available in any language "We need to talk". My parents were really worried for only one time before I had had the need to say such a scary line, and it also changed our lives -but that´s a story for another time-. Mom said Uh-oh this is going to be important, Dad said OK let´s talk, ha, couldn´t see what was coming his way. This is how conversation unfolded.
Me: I need to tell you some things, our relationship has been on the rocks for some years now, I realize I am to fault for I have kept all my life a secret to you -I am a really private person in my life, and you for bad or for worse have a first row sit to my innermost thoughts- and I think it´s time we talk a little about what my life´s become, I realize that if I were to die right now or anything would come to happen to me you´d know absolutely not a clue of what my life is.
I most tell you some things that you might not like but are truth nonetheless and I hope you come to accept them for they are who I am.
First, I broke up with my last girlfriend in November, I never did mention her to you before but would if things would´ve gotten more serious.
I have drank beer, I drink it with my friends at parties or clubs but have never in my life gotten drunk.
I´ve never done drugs though I have friends that use them -at that moment had to stop for I needed to gather some bravery to tell them the REAL reason I needed to talk to them which my dad took as his cue to start with a speech of his own-
Dad: Listen son, I know I´ve tried to get to know you better but you always push us awa... -at this moment I raised my hand signalling him to stop-
Me: Wait, I´m not done, -he was just puzzled, he knew something BIG was coming, I never go to the extent of directing the conversation-, andddd as I was saying I´ve got a boyfriend
Dad: a...awha...what?
Me: A BOYFRIEND dad, and it´s not the first one, and it´s not a phase, I´ve been attracted to guys ever since I was 14. -my dad was left trying to think of something to say, mouthing of un-audible thoughts that past speeding through his mind, with his gaze stuck to the table-
Mom: I kinda suspected it -not because I´m overly evident, in fact other than subtle hints given away when I´m talking to girls or gays (or my pride bracelet now) you could never tell me apart, at this I started smirking for I was reminded of the time my mom walked into my room without knocking the door, slamming the door and catching my ex and me spooning on my bed while trying to get some sleep, of course if she had gotten inside fifteen minutes earlier she would´ve catch us forking, suddenly the angry tone in her voice was gone and a more worried one took its place, the topic was never mentioned and she was left to rationalize the event into whatever she thought would be more fitting, also she might´ve found it more odd since I never acted as guilty-.
Me: Well, I just thought you should know this because you are my parents and I love you, and if you would want, I would gladly talk about it with you openly so we can all live with this as a family.
Dad: -Dad is a man that always always always have something to say and he prides himself over that, even if it´s to point out the obvious he´ll talk (which gets annoying over the years but that´s who he is and he makes a point every time he´s got a chance that he´s not changing), so his silence was really getting to me, that and the fact that his whole face was white started worrying me, he´s got heart issues which only worsened after that day-...I just don´t know what to say...
Me: You could say you love me
Dad: Of course I love you! of course... -he stood up and went for a hug, he hugged me as hard as he could for as long as he could until he realized my mom was behind him waiting for her turn at a hug, all three of us crying now-
We love you so much, you´re our son and this does not changes anything.
But...are you sure about this
Me: Completely
Dad: But there is a lot of discrimination, and people usually hates gay people, and and...
Me: But I´m strong dad, and I´m a grown up now
Dad: Listen, I know that being gay is not a bad thing, but I´ve got friends that get treated really bad by their peers, also HIV is always an issue with them
Me: Dad, I take care of myself, always had. -People usually relates homosexuality with HIV for some reason, such a wrong perspective always infuriates me-
This actually went on for some time, Dad tried to convince himself that what I was going through was not as bad as people usually imagine it being on the outside, I just reassured him for that´s what he needed the most
Dad; and you told your brother?
Me: He knows -he once while trying to turn off my computer watched some porn left there for everyone to see (What? is my computer, and my room, I would think people have the decency of not touching my stuff while I´m out, and I knew this because my brother told his best friend and his best friend happened too be my boyfriend at the time)-,
Dad: and your sister?
Me: Nope, not yet.
Dad: please don´t tell her, she´s in that age...
Me: I won´t
Dad: OK son we love you
Me: and I love you.
Aaaah, the memories, if I could go at it again I wouldn´t change a thing about it. Our relationship has somewhat improved, and my dad´s heart condition has gotten a lot better, now he´s on a diet and has lost 10 kg, my mom´s still as cold as always, but that´s just how he is and I talk to her about things I could´ve never talked to her before, like when people that go on TV that are really ugly or how ugly they dress and actually make her laugh -well, I´ve learned stuff the lasts three and a half months-. And oddly enough my dad was watching this morning "In or Out" rather attentively to see what he could catch on "different lifestyles".
So as a glance back, things have improved, now I´m me, I can be myself and don´t have to hide any more, I haven´t introduced any bfs to my parents but I don´t know how they would handle it, of course, now I had to get one first to introduce them to each other. Hope this helps anyone that´s trying to decide whether they should come out or not. And as I always say,
"A life lived without being yourself is like a song that´s not heard, worthless"
Love to all
ME
It all started a Thursday evening on July, over 14 weeks ago -wow, it´s scary how life can twist and turn in a three and a half months period and still keep perfectly still in so many ways- had tried to come to my parents since the weekend, but the condition wasn´t the ideal one, mood at home was flinging from extreme happiness to extreme conflict -as it usually swings around here-, shocking news can´t be brought to a conversation when conflict is abound for people would use them as a scape goat, but they can neither be discussed in times of extreme happiness or people would just hate your guts for breaking their scarce gleeful times. But that morning and that time was just perfect, my sister was at school, and my brother was sleeping, as he´s a sound sleeper I knew I had an hour to have a decent conversation with my parents, one which wouldn´t be too lengthy as he´d wake up to go to work and even if things happened to get ugly and shouts started happen my brother wouldn´t wake up -hell, he wouldn´t wake up even if his bed was on fire and Nero was playing his violin by his side-.
Mom and dad were drinking coffee like every morning, and watching morning news like every morning, I had woken up one hour earlier and drank myself some coffee and made up a bag foreseeing...well, the worst and waltzed right to the living room, walked to the TV set, turned it off and pronounced the most feared phrase available in any language "We need to talk". My parents were really worried for only one time before I had had the need to say such a scary line, and it also changed our lives -but that´s a story for another time-. Mom said Uh-oh this is going to be important, Dad said OK let´s talk, ha, couldn´t see what was coming his way. This is how conversation unfolded.
Me: I need to tell you some things, our relationship has been on the rocks for some years now, I realize I am to fault for I have kept all my life a secret to you -I am a really private person in my life, and you for bad or for worse have a first row sit to my innermost thoughts- and I think it´s time we talk a little about what my life´s become, I realize that if I were to die right now or anything would come to happen to me you´d know absolutely not a clue of what my life is.
I most tell you some things that you might not like but are truth nonetheless and I hope you come to accept them for they are who I am.
First, I broke up with my last girlfriend in November, I never did mention her to you before but would if things would´ve gotten more serious.
I have drank beer, I drink it with my friends at parties or clubs but have never in my life gotten drunk.
I´ve never done drugs though I have friends that use them -at that moment had to stop for I needed to gather some bravery to tell them the REAL reason I needed to talk to them which my dad took as his cue to start with a speech of his own-
Dad: Listen son, I know I´ve tried to get to know you better but you always push us awa... -at this moment I raised my hand signalling him to stop-
Me: Wait, I´m not done, -he was just puzzled, he knew something BIG was coming, I never go to the extent of directing the conversation-, andddd as I was saying I´ve got a boyfriend
Dad: a...awha...what?
Me: A BOYFRIEND dad, and it´s not the first one, and it´s not a phase, I´ve been attracted to guys ever since I was 14. -my dad was left trying to think of something to say, mouthing of un-audible thoughts that past speeding through his mind, with his gaze stuck to the table-
Mom: I kinda suspected it -not because I´m overly evident, in fact other than subtle hints given away when I´m talking to girls or gays (or my pride bracelet now) you could never tell me apart, at this I started smirking for I was reminded of the time my mom walked into my room without knocking the door, slamming the door and catching my ex and me spooning on my bed while trying to get some sleep, of course if she had gotten inside fifteen minutes earlier she would´ve catch us forking, suddenly the angry tone in her voice was gone and a more worried one took its place, the topic was never mentioned and she was left to rationalize the event into whatever she thought would be more fitting, also she might´ve found it more odd since I never acted as guilty-.
Me: Well, I just thought you should know this because you are my parents and I love you, and if you would want, I would gladly talk about it with you openly so we can all live with this as a family.
Dad: -Dad is a man that always always always have something to say and he prides himself over that, even if it´s to point out the obvious he´ll talk (which gets annoying over the years but that´s who he is and he makes a point every time he´s got a chance that he´s not changing), so his silence was really getting to me, that and the fact that his whole face was white started worrying me, he´s got heart issues which only worsened after that day-...I just don´t know what to say...
Me: You could say you love me
Dad: Of course I love you! of course... -he stood up and went for a hug, he hugged me as hard as he could for as long as he could until he realized my mom was behind him waiting for her turn at a hug, all three of us crying now-
We love you so much, you´re our son and this does not changes anything.
But...are you sure about this
Me: Completely
Dad: But there is a lot of discrimination, and people usually hates gay people, and and...
Me: But I´m strong dad, and I´m a grown up now
Dad: Listen, I know that being gay is not a bad thing, but I´ve got friends that get treated really bad by their peers, also HIV is always an issue with them
Me: Dad, I take care of myself, always had. -People usually relates homosexuality with HIV for some reason, such a wrong perspective always infuriates me-
This actually went on for some time, Dad tried to convince himself that what I was going through was not as bad as people usually imagine it being on the outside, I just reassured him for that´s what he needed the most
Dad; and you told your brother?
Me: He knows -he once while trying to turn off my computer watched some porn left there for everyone to see (What? is my computer, and my room, I would think people have the decency of not touching my stuff while I´m out, and I knew this because my brother told his best friend and his best friend happened too be my boyfriend at the time)-,
Dad: and your sister?
Me: Nope, not yet.
Dad: please don´t tell her, she´s in that age...
Me: I won´t
Dad: OK son we love you
Me: and I love you.
Aaaah, the memories, if I could go at it again I wouldn´t change a thing about it. Our relationship has somewhat improved, and my dad´s heart condition has gotten a lot better, now he´s on a diet and has lost 10 kg, my mom´s still as cold as always, but that´s just how he is and I talk to her about things I could´ve never talked to her before, like when people that go on TV that are really ugly or how ugly they dress and actually make her laugh -well, I´ve learned stuff the lasts three and a half months-. And oddly enough my dad was watching this morning "In or Out" rather attentively to see what he could catch on "different lifestyles".
So as a glance back, things have improved, now I´m me, I can be myself and don´t have to hide any more, I haven´t introduced any bfs to my parents but I don´t know how they would handle it, of course, now I had to get one first to introduce them to each other. Hope this helps anyone that´s trying to decide whether they should come out or not. And as I always say,
"A life lived without being yourself is like a song that´s not heard, worthless"
Love to all
ME
Oct 17, 2009
I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
Well, As Brett showed me his, now I have to show you mine
But first thanks to all you guys that worry for me and my family, your good wishes and prayers have made my sis feel better with just a good night sleep, still have to take care of her and be careful not to develop the same thing she is, but for now everything is just fine :) Oh, also today is Doug's birthday so go and wish him a good day while you're at it. and you should also congratulate Brett too if you haven't yet, he just came out to his mom, Hooray for Moms!! :D
Ok, So Brett showed me his on Thursday but I didn't get the chance to post about this until today because a lot of stuff was happening, but today I had the chance to take a picture, you know, needed to get the right light, sometimes it hangs too low so you got to push them up again which people in the street find amusing. Also I've been showing mine since Monday for everyone to see, and quite frankly at first it got me feeling really self-concious, people staring at you, I just knew something was amiss and was preparing to get insulted by people as not many guys wear theirs at plain sight -that's right, they usually cover it- well, not my case, I'm just proud of what I've got.
And as the days went by I just started noticing guys -specially- who were particularly interested in the sight I was providing -and really, who am I to deprive people from a sight of me?-. Actually today I wore it out and proud and a friend to whom I'm not out yet stared at it at every chance he got -out of the corner of his eye- but didn't say a thing -can't ask him for much, he's just shy (and really unattractive)- however it was still weird, even gave me the suspicious eye, I'm not about to come out to him yet, let him just wonder, that way it'll be less of a blow to him.
I know you must be saying: "Show it all ready!!!" but I'm just a huge teaser, so with out further ado, here's what your mouth has been watering about since you started reading:
TA-CHAN
My pride Bracelet, YAY! just what you were thinking about, weren't you?
Oh, and my hand, also while were're at it I'll show you my other arm.
My sister did that one for me, and if you look closely it has got a button to open and wear as a necklace :) I wear it all the time, Oh, and in case you were wondering about the black and white one, I usually have one just so I can exchange it with someone for one of his/hers and have something to remember them by, love to wear bracelets and have done it for the last three years now.
So here are mines, now let's see yours.
L.ve to all
Me
P.S. next post is really important to me, so be sure you catch it
By JustBLD
But first thanks to all you guys that worry for me and my family, your good wishes and prayers have made my sis feel better with just a good night sleep, still have to take care of her and be careful not to develop the same thing she is, but for now everything is just fine :) Oh, also today is Doug's birthday so go and wish him a good day while you're at it. and you should also congratulate Brett too if you haven't yet, he just came out to his mom, Hooray for Moms!! :D
Ok, So Brett showed me his on Thursday but I didn't get the chance to post about this until today because a lot of stuff was happening, but today I had the chance to take a picture, you know, needed to get the right light, sometimes it hangs too low so you got to push them up again which people in the street find amusing. Also I've been showing mine since Monday for everyone to see, and quite frankly at first it got me feeling really self-concious, people staring at you, I just knew something was amiss and was preparing to get insulted by people as not many guys wear theirs at plain sight -that's right, they usually cover it- well, not my case, I'm just proud of what I've got.
And as the days went by I just started noticing guys -specially- who were particularly interested in the sight I was providing -and really, who am I to deprive people from a sight of me?-. Actually today I wore it out and proud and a friend to whom I'm not out yet stared at it at every chance he got -out of the corner of his eye- but didn't say a thing -can't ask him for much, he's just shy (and really unattractive)- however it was still weird, even gave me the suspicious eye, I'm not about to come out to him yet, let him just wonder, that way it'll be less of a blow to him.
I know you must be saying: "Show it all ready!!!" but I'm just a huge teaser, so with out further ado, here's what your mouth has been watering about since you started reading:
TA-CHAN
Oh, and my hand, also while were're at it I'll show you my other arm.
My sister did that one for me, and if you look closely it has got a button to open and wear as a necklace :) I wear it all the time, Oh, and in case you were wondering about the black and white one, I usually have one just so I can exchange it with someone for one of his/hers and have something to remember them by, love to wear bracelets and have done it for the last three years now.
So here are mines, now let's see yours.
L.ve to all
Me
P.S. next post is really important to me, so be sure you catch it
Oct 16, 2009
Out of the frying pan into the fire...Updated
About two hours ago my baby sister got home from school feeling a feeling a little sick, half an hour ago I got from school -a great waste of my time-, and she was feeling much much worse with chills and high-temperature, so my parents started suspecting it´s swine-flu -AH1N1- tried getting her tested, but as she was getting dressed she passed out, so now I`m home alone serving as ground-control, receiving calls from my parents about the situation and updating the rest of the family, tough moment here. Damn it all!
**Update**
So it´s been five hours since I posted and what´s changed so far? nothing, my sister went to get a test at a health center and only their answer was: "we don´t have what it takes to make tests, nor any other part of the country, so we´ll just have to wait and see, if by sunday she doesn´t get better it might be H1N1" WTF?? So let´s hear it for mexican public services, F*çking idjets. Tomorrow she was going camping with her scout group, was an important day for her as she was going to get promoted to... whatever the next group they have for 15 yo girls. Maybe next time, still, I´m her big brother and worry about her. Thanks for your good wishes, really appreciate them.
Love to all
Me
**Update**
So it´s been five hours since I posted and what´s changed so far? nothing, my sister went to get a test at a health center and only their answer was: "we don´t have what it takes to make tests, nor any other part of the country, so we´ll just have to wait and see, if by sunday she doesn´t get better it might be H1N1" WTF?? So let´s hear it for mexican public services, F*çking idjets. Tomorrow she was going camping with her scout group, was an important day for her as she was going to get promoted to... whatever the next group they have for 15 yo girls. Maybe next time, still, I´m her big brother and worry about her. Thanks for your good wishes, really appreciate them.
Love to all
Me
65 Questions of Doom
OK, So I saw this at Octavius´ blog -Here- who traced it back to JC whom, in turn traces it back to Nigel. So here are my answers:
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
I shampoo the moment I get in the shower, rinse, and repeat on end, What? it says so on the instructions label.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Red
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
*Remembering, Remembering* Hell NO!
4. Do you plan outfits every day?
I actually have a very good system for planning my outfit, I get up with my eyes still closed and grab the first thing that comes into reach, so I have good days and have days I have to get back from work running for another shirt -this is in fact true-
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
I feel like dancing ; ) -refer to question 18-
6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
Mmmh, let´s see, Oh, a brochure on STD´s
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I usually don´t dream, but in the last one my brother brought himself a 16 wheeler and became a trucker :P
8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Not new, but I got to know him a little better :)
9. What are you craving right now?
A cup of coffee
10. Do you floss?
No, I use moth wash
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Bad memories childhood memories
12. Are you emotional?
Not at all, I´m a rock... well, the name of the blog is "the maudlin story of a bisexual boy" and I just happen to be that bisexual boy, so pretty self-explanatory
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Nope... I don´t think I´ve ever even counted to a hundred
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
I lick it, oh how I lick, but after a while I just start sucking, and if it turns out good enough I might bite it a little : P wait, what were we talking about?
15. Do you like your hair?
I do, but I´d love to have it a little longer
16. Do you like yourself?
I love myself, with all my ups and downs
17. Would you go out to eat with George Bush?
No, why would I ever? would you eat with my aunt Petunia? I think she´s just as relevant
18. What are you listening to right now?
Mika´s Love today
19. Are your parents strict?
Weren´t until I turned 12
20. Would you go sky diving?
I would love to sky dive but I´m afraid I would not unfold the chute on time
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Only with fruit, and maybe enchiladas, Mmmh enchiladas.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
No, but I would like to meet some celebrities from blog-world
23. Do you rent movies often?
No, I watch very few movies and the ones I do I get them on HBO
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Besides my eyes? No
25. How many countries have you visited?
Only the USA once when I was 7
26. Have you made a prank phone call?
What you thing I was born as a 21 yo guy? -though oddly enough it is somewhat true.-
27. Ever been on a train?
No, but not a train guy, I would love to get into a plane again, last time I was in one I was on my way back from the USA
28. Brown or white eggs?
Neither, I deeply HATE eggs
29. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes, an old one that used to belong to my brother
30. Do you use chap stick?
Only when I run out of red lipstick -just kidding, sheesh!-
31. Do you own a gun?
No, and neither should anyone else
32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yes, I could win a chop stick eating contest -I wonder if there is such a thing, and if so, would you have to eat chop sticks?-. I learned in japanese class
33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
With the luck I´m having... no one.
34. Are you too forgiving?
NO, it´s quite hard for me to forgive, and have a rather good memory so hard to forget also.
35. Ever been in love?
With life, and with my former boyfriends and girlfriends, but only the first one still carries on
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
At this time? (midday) probably getting drunk
37. Ever have cream puffs?
No, I´m not a big fan of pastry
38. Last time you cried?
Mmmh, three months ago, when I was breaking up with my boyfriend -tears and silence usually tell more than you´d think and lets people thinking about the wost, so bad news are easier to break to people (use this wisely)-
39. What was the last question you asked?
Would you PLEASE stop staring at me?!
40. Favorite time of the year?
Spring, lots of rain to get wet in.
41. Do you have any tattoos?
No, not really into tattoos, but I never say never
42. Are you sarcastic?
No, I may be rude, insulting, sarcastic but never an exotic dancer
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
The movie? I haven´t, the effect? I do everyday.
44. Ever walked into a wall?
No, usually walls stand aside whenever I´m walking
45. Favorite color?
Green, although red is a shoe in for second
46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Sadly... no, I haven´t, looking up for the chance.
47. Is your hair curly?
Not really, but it isn´t straight either, it´s just wavy
48. What was the last CD you bought?
Probably the best of AC/DC five years ago, got into my CD reproducer and played it until it broke down from usage
49. Do looks matter?
Just for "recreative" uses, I prefer having friends that have something to say, and boyfriends that have make me laugh.
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I can´t even forgive people for not getting my name right.
51. Is your phone bill sky high?
Not really, I don´t use it, have all the people I want to talk to in my messenger account
52. Do you like your life right now?
I love my life.
53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
I don´t even have a TV in my bedroom, also I can´t sleep with too much noise or light
54. Can you handle the truth?
Truth I can handle, what gets me really upset are lies
55. Do you have good vision?
I do have a good close vision, but I have to wear glasses to see things far away.
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
In a room? sure, in my classroom. I doubt there´s someone that doesn´t have 3 people they don´t like
57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Like once a month, last person I talked was my grandparents on monday to check how they were doing
58. The last person you held hands with?
Mmmh, my sister last weekend -lame :( -
59. What are you wearing?
A black t-shirt, white open shirt on top and some blue jeans
60.What is your favorite animal?
The fox, reminds me of their cunning and in some traditions Mischief
61. Where was your default picture taken at?
Google if mind doesn´t fail me
62. Can you hula hoop?
Nope,but if sometime I get into a life threatening situation that can only be avoided by hula hooping I´ll let you know
63. Do you have a job?
Volunteer job only
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
New balls -to juggle, don´t get excited, I do have balls-
65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Nope, My ego doesn´t fit through a window, If I´m to go out of anywhere I do so in the most flashy way available ;P
What now? you expect me to beg you? answer them too!
Love to all
Me
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
I shampoo the moment I get in the shower, rinse, and repeat on end, What? it says so on the instructions label.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Red
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
*Remembering, Remembering* Hell NO!
4. Do you plan outfits every day?
I actually have a very good system for planning my outfit, I get up with my eyes still closed and grab the first thing that comes into reach, so I have good days and have days I have to get back from work running for another shirt -this is in fact true-
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
I feel like dancing ; ) -refer to question 18-
6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
Mmmh, let´s see, Oh, a brochure on STD´s
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I usually don´t dream, but in the last one my brother brought himself a 16 wheeler and became a trucker :P
8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Not new, but I got to know him a little better :)
9. What are you craving right now?
A cup of coffee
10. Do you floss?
No, I use moth wash
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Bad memories childhood memories
12. Are you emotional?
Not at all, I´m a rock... well, the name of the blog is "the maudlin story of a bisexual boy" and I just happen to be that bisexual boy, so pretty self-explanatory
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Nope... I don´t think I´ve ever even counted to a hundred
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
I lick it, oh how I lick, but after a while I just start sucking, and if it turns out good enough I might bite it a little : P wait, what were we talking about?
15. Do you like your hair?
I do, but I´d love to have it a little longer
16. Do you like yourself?
I love myself, with all my ups and downs
17. Would you go out to eat with George Bush?
No, why would I ever? would you eat with my aunt Petunia? I think she´s just as relevant
18. What are you listening to right now?
Mika´s Love today
19. Are your parents strict?
Weren´t until I turned 12
20. Would you go sky diving?
I would love to sky dive but I´m afraid I would not unfold the chute on time
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Only with fruit, and maybe enchiladas, Mmmh enchiladas.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
No, but I would like to meet some celebrities from blog-world
23. Do you rent movies often?
No, I watch very few movies and the ones I do I get them on HBO
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Besides my eyes? No
25. How many countries have you visited?
Only the USA once when I was 7
26. Have you made a prank phone call?
What you thing I was born as a 21 yo guy? -though oddly enough it is somewhat true.-
27. Ever been on a train?
No, but not a train guy, I would love to get into a plane again, last time I was in one I was on my way back from the USA
28. Brown or white eggs?
Neither, I deeply HATE eggs
29. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes, an old one that used to belong to my brother
30. Do you use chap stick?
Only when I run out of red lipstick -just kidding, sheesh!-
31. Do you own a gun?
No, and neither should anyone else
32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yes, I could win a chop stick eating contest -I wonder if there is such a thing, and if so, would you have to eat chop sticks?-. I learned in japanese class
33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
With the luck I´m having... no one.
34. Are you too forgiving?
NO, it´s quite hard for me to forgive, and have a rather good memory so hard to forget also.
35. Ever been in love?
With life, and with my former boyfriends and girlfriends, but only the first one still carries on
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
At this time? (midday) probably getting drunk
37. Ever have cream puffs?
No, I´m not a big fan of pastry
38. Last time you cried?
Mmmh, three months ago, when I was breaking up with my boyfriend -tears and silence usually tell more than you´d think and lets people thinking about the wost, so bad news are easier to break to people (use this wisely)-
39. What was the last question you asked?
Would you PLEASE stop staring at me?!
40. Favorite time of the year?
Spring, lots of rain to get wet in.
41. Do you have any tattoos?
No, not really into tattoos, but I never say never
42. Are you sarcastic?
No, I may be rude, insulting, sarcastic but never an exotic dancer
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
The movie? I haven´t, the effect? I do everyday.
44. Ever walked into a wall?
No, usually walls stand aside whenever I´m walking
45. Favorite color?
Green, although red is a shoe in for second
46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Sadly... no, I haven´t, looking up for the chance.
47. Is your hair curly?
Not really, but it isn´t straight either, it´s just wavy
48. What was the last CD you bought?
Probably the best of AC/DC five years ago, got into my CD reproducer and played it until it broke down from usage
49. Do looks matter?
Just for "recreative" uses, I prefer having friends that have something to say, and boyfriends that have make me laugh.
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I can´t even forgive people for not getting my name right.
51. Is your phone bill sky high?
Not really, I don´t use it, have all the people I want to talk to in my messenger account
52. Do you like your life right now?
I love my life.
53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
I don´t even have a TV in my bedroom, also I can´t sleep with too much noise or light
54. Can you handle the truth?
Truth I can handle, what gets me really upset are lies
55. Do you have good vision?
I do have a good close vision, but I have to wear glasses to see things far away.
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
In a room? sure, in my classroom. I doubt there´s someone that doesn´t have 3 people they don´t like
57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Like once a month, last person I talked was my grandparents on monday to check how they were doing
58. The last person you held hands with?
Mmmh, my sister last weekend -lame :( -
59. What are you wearing?
A black t-shirt, white open shirt on top and some blue jeans
60.What is your favorite animal?
The fox, reminds me of their cunning and in some traditions Mischief
Google if mind doesn´t fail me
62. Can you hula hoop?
Nope,but if sometime I get into a life threatening situation that can only be avoided by hula hooping I´ll let you know
63. Do you have a job?
Volunteer job only
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
New balls -to juggle, don´t get excited, I do have balls-
65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Nope, My ego doesn´t fit through a window, If I´m to go out of anywhere I do so in the most flashy way available ;P
What now? you expect me to beg you? answer them too!
Love to all
Me




