Aug 8, 2010

Infatuation vs. Frustration part 2.

This is part two of yesterday´s post where I talk about opening up to a guy I like and have known for a long time now; today I express why I haven´t I didn´t try to make a pass on him before -just in case you were wondering-.

Well, thing is one year ago give or take I ended a relationship that quite frankly don´t know why I even started, THAT´s the day he learned about me being attracted to men -as weird as it might appear, things usually happen for a reason, but let´s not jump into that just yet- so let´s just say there was some drama in my life at that exact moment.

As the days passed by there was a part of me that wanted to go out with him, specially since it was so easy, it was close and he was willing to do it... unfortunately I just couldn´t do it, realized that I was so lost, didn´t know what I wanted and didn´t want to hurt anyone, specially not him. But why was that? I had feared him to become just a "quick-fix" to a broken heart, a rapid solution to another easy way-out -which was the relationship I had just ended-. It might be seen as me being really selfish, but I don´t think you´d like to be threated as a rebound relationship either, and wanted to know if what I was feeling was real or just some filling the space that had just become "vacant" next to me.

So as time flew by and I stopped seeing him as often as I once did because of school and work it became hard to remember that I was taking time to think about him and me and us, and so I forgot about men. That´s right, I forgot about relationships at all; all my childhood and most of my adolescence I spent it alone so loneliness is no stranger to me, and we get along just good enough, been ages since last time I grew restless about being alone and not finding love, patience has sink in me real deep in that matter. All this time off helped me in ways I didn´t think were possible, made me grow up, find out what I was looking for and made me a whole person so I don´t have to look for my "other half", now I could look for a person for me to share in totallity. Would I recomend it? doubtlessly; is it easy to accomplish? Hell no! requires all your patience and mental stability sometimes to be alone when what you want the most is to be with someone, but in retrospective I can see that all this time looking for what I really want and developing the patience to achieve it has payed in kind.

So anyways, I´ll keep you updated, until some new development takes place I´ll wish you farewell.

Love
Me

3 comments:

MartininBroda said...

Farewell sounds a bit hm, I don’t know. Just wanted to say I read both posts, but I don’t really have to say much, because it’s so personal, but you know how much I like to take part of your life, from a distance of course. Good luck.

Deeper Daze said...

I was never able to shake off the need for a relationship...

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