Jul 29, 2009

Getting there

So it's been a hard couple of weeks but I must admit I have great friends that support me and worry for me, also a couple of mails I received made my day. So among the people that tried to cheer me up I found a friend that hasn't been around for about 6 years, back on high school I had a small crush on him, he was a total twink with slender body, dark brown hair and as tall as my eyes (I don't know why I like them smaller than me), so he was really hot back then, I asked around and people who has seen him tell me he is only a bit taller and hasn't changed a thing since then, but we both had girlfriends, and he was straight at the time so nothing ever happened. So we got to talk for about an hour and a half and after a year of trying I finally set up a date with him, now I told him that next weeks saturday he should mark on his calendar because he was going to be mine for the day, and he told me he liked that kind of proposition and was really interested. I payed no attention because I took it for a joke (he still doesn't know I'm bi), but later on the conversation I told him I was thinking of starting a Harem, he told me inmediatly "count me in!", really excited, at that moment I didn't know what to think so I started asking around for people who know him better, and as it turns out, he was interested in boys for a while but nobody knows exactly if something happened, so I'll have to find out on august the 6th, marked on my calendar already, hehe, we all now him as Satou which means sugar in japanese, ironically Iḿ in dire need of some sugar right now.

Once a friend told me a way to find out how you really feel deep down, is a quick excercise and you should try it, first close your eyes (after you're done reading, duh), and imagine a landscape, any landscape at all and write it all down, so here's what I saw: I saw a plain, a huge plain that faded into the horizon, the grass was yellow and you couldn't see a tree or an animal anywhere, it was a little dark and had no trails, so I thought well that isn't much of a revelation, if there is no path is because I've never followed one to begin with and yes, it does feel a little lonely nowadays, but then I realiced that up in the sky a flock of birds were flying all in the same direction where the sun was now rising and the grass seemed greener, now I don't now who this flock of birds is, or if they are a group of persons or just my will and perseverence but I will find it out, soon I hope, so I'll just keep on walking, hope I don't have to walk alone all the way, but if you want to be part of my flock, you're totally welcome, and now what do you see when you close your eyes?


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