Mar 19, 2010

I´ve got an Owie

Well, actually what I´ve got is a f´çkin´ heart failure -a metaphorical one- here´s the deal

As I´ve told you before my boyfriend doesn´t enjoy showing affect in public spaces, therefore he doesn´t kisses or hugs me anywhere but private places, usually I get to steal a kiss from him every now and then and I´m happy, he´s happy, everyone´s happy, right? wrong, dead wrong, what happens when I´m the only one that seems to make any moves at all -I mean trying to kiss him- how do I know? cause I stopped trying to kiss him and he has not once tried to kiss me.

So OK, I put up with that cause I´m supportive, I don´t care, no affection in public? whatever, so I try to get us to get some time for ourselves, it´s been now four weeks that I´ve been trying to get him to go out on a weekend for a date and the result is I´m still waiting for him to make some time, OK you´ve got a life and things to do, but always?

Now you come feeling bad, I do everything to make you feel better, make you smile and forget about your problems, put aside all my issues and listen and try to make you happy, cause I care about you, but one question assaults me... do you care about me?

Anger? I can deal with, sadness? peace of cake, insecurity? my day job, Indifference? That´s the one that makes me feel like shit.

Has this relationship ended without me realizing? are we just like friends now?

WTF is going on?? Feels like I´ve given so much and now I´m left alone, and yet it feels so good when he´s around; one  thought is making his way from the back of my mind, one that says I should just leave, let him go and do whatever I want after that, I wish with all my might it doesn´t come to that, I enjoy his company and I know he cares about me, but I wish he would show it, if I´m as important I wish he would show it to me in any way.

Don´t know what to do now


Kai said...

Hey Dyzan, Ive just started reading your blog and I'm hooked! I love the way you write, it's really personal and honest.

Ok, about your problem. Why not just talk to him? Ask him if there is anything wrong. Most of the time, it's just our imagination screwing with us, but then again I'm not an expert in relationships. However, the thing I believe in is that in any relationships, honesty is always the best policy.

So just go ahead talk to him face to face. Work things out. But stop torturing yourself with all these speculations.

Hope everything goes well :-)


Aek said...

:-( *Hugs*

I think it'd be a good idea to face him, sit down, and discuss with him head on about the status between you two. It sounds kind of one-sided from the way you're presenting this, so do sit down and have a good heart-to-heart with him and see where things are (or aren't) going.

Bi Like Me said...

Went through some same issues with my bf a while ago. Seemed like he had no time, no palce was good..and we drifted. Was it him telling me he wasn't interested anymore?

Well, if you've been following my blog, you know that now 10 months later, he called..and we're back together.

"If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was."

Sam said...

Hey Dzyan!
I miss you, man!

from the very little experience I've had thus far with relationships (mainly consulting/supporting/helping/advising my friends with their relationships) I can tell you that not all people behave the same way when it comes to affection.
Some people are not touchy at all and like to keep some space from time to time (even with their partners) while others are much more affectionate and like to show it at all times.
Not being too touchy and all over the partner does not always mean the person is not interested.... just my silly thought

As Kai, and Aek have told you.. you really need to be honest with each other and talk about what's going on bluntly so you know where you guys stand and sort things out.

Best of luck!

Manu said...

Un amigo de la blogosfera me acaba de decir de tu blog, es bueno conocer a un compatriota :)

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