May 20, 2010

My day!!

Yeah yeah, I´m still updating my blog irregularly, sorry about that, but today´s an important day, we´re celebrating Psychologists´ day, YAY us!

First time ever as a psychologist and celebrating it makes me feel happy; Job hunting´s been a bitch lately, can´t get an interview for my life, it´s kinda depressing but hopefully soon I´ll get something. Also I´m thinking of getting a job away from home, in another state, maybe moving out, probably would crush my parents, but I need to learn to live by myself, can´t rely on them all my life, Mexican culture is a little different from other places, here, we live with our parents most of our lives, sometimes until we get married, and sometimes not even then, but as I´m not planning on getting married... gotta move outta here.

Oh, and I´ve been trying to post this one for a long long time, so read it as if it was important.

The day I realized I liked guys, yes, yes, it´s a process, and it takes time, but you always remember the moment the "penny drops" in your head. This is such a story.

Some years ago -can´t remember how many and doesn´t really matter- while I was still learning german, I was looking for music in said language to try and sharpen my ear and get it better for an upcoming exam, so in the mean time I found this band called Polarkreis 18, at first I only met them by a song called Allein Allein and thought, man that´s an amazing voice but when I saw the video I was shocked to find out that the one singing it was actually a guy, however it was until I saw this video that made me say, wow, that´s a guy is really hot

So after a few seconds of a mental pause where you have this crystallizing moment where you realize that you just hit the right nail, you just said another guy is hot, and not only one, but three =S -yes I like most of them- so yes, I was there in front of my computer screen, trying to rationalize what I just said out-loud to myself having a panic attack and trying with all my might not to freak-out, since that moment I tried denial, rationalization, rage, more rationalization, depression and even more rationalization, of course that lasted some  months, as I said it is a process, but as I said before, you never forget the moment of realization when something drills its way up from your subconscious and fights to be free, that´s the day you remember for the rest of your life. Now I´m not saying the band members are gay nor that the band is targeted for gay people, all I´m saying is thanks to them I knew I shouldn´t keep on fighting what I really wanted.

So anyways, congrats to psychologists around. See ya all later



Seth said...

Hooray for Dzyan!! :)

Aek said...

Thanks for sharing. :-)

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