When you hear the calling....

Yes, I know, I´ve been far away for too long and I apologize, I´m much ashamed because I had to thank everyone for their kind words towards me, on mails, tweets and comments, I appreciate it so much, was feeling really sad but you have helped me to bounce right back up, and I hadn´t thank you, so ashamed of myself.


As for why I´ve been so idle on my blog is quite easy, as you know for the last four months I´ve been struggling to find a job inside a company -which I haven´t gotten yet- and was getting a little bit desperate about not doing anything with my life, however thanks to the support of some friends, teachers and -of course- my parents I decided what I wanted to do.

You see, a few years ago when I started studying psychology I was so in love with the idea of actually Practicing my career, dreamed of the day I¨d be finally able to sit with someone and talk about their problems and actually doing something to help people. Then, after a couple of years in the university, after some boring classes and after some teachers that have made it their personal goal to crush people´s dreams, career expectations and kill all the fun in the process I kinda got lost and forgot what was the whole career choice about, that is until I remembered.

bi Tsuki-wo-Nusumu

I admit it makes me real anxious to start from scrap, knowing no one in the whole health-care industry and being myself a freshly graduated psychologist, and it´s been a constant swimming against common paradigms that I start as a consulting professional, I thought I would get a job doing some human resources job for a big company while I got enough money to start my business and start studying a master´s degree, but today I think I can start from where I am, I mean, got the knowledge and the passion for it, it will be a matter of hard work before I start getting any kind of good money, but I´m in no rush. Whole past week I´ve been doing some major reconstruction to get my office set in a nice part of town where I can share with an uncle for a couple of days a week while doing something else to get my name around in the field, I could use some suggestions though, so feel free to give me some advice to start my own private practice, pretty please.

So anyways, I¨m so happy for I once thought "when I´m able to give consultation" and today I am capable of saying "I ALREADY CAN!".

Love
Me

My birthday party

Considering all the events that took place tonight only one think comes to mind and that one is "I´ve had a perfectly lovely evening. Unfortunately, it wasn´t this one.

I´m just getting home from sitting in an empty table reserved for the 10 people out of the 90 guests that received an invitation, 10 people confirmed their presence and one by one they all made a last minute call to cancel my birthday party. One by one the people I trusted the most, those I wanted to see most in an important day to me, they all canceled. I guess that after 26 years I´d have learned, don´t know why I keep trying.

I won´t say it didn´t hurt being kept waiting for people that never arrived, you get to grow used to the feeling however I don´t think anyone should. Don´t know what to say, I´m just depressed and feel real bad, anyways, have a good night.

My birthday! today! YAY!

Today was an awesome day, in fact I spent the night awake until it was past 1:23 a.m. and I swear I could listen to how body sounds when it gets older, lol, in fact, I think I¨m starting to smell a little like an old person.

Today I turn 26 and I  couldn´t have spent a more awesome day, all day long I got congratulations from all the people I care, from around the globe and they are still coming in, I swear I have always hated my birthday but a couple of years since it´s been a really great day and I thank you all.

Can´t believe I´m twenty six now,certainly it was an easier transition from when I turned 25, now that was a commotion haha, Been a great year and I´ve learned so much, met so many people and given love and received so much in return, it´s been a well lived year all in all.

Today I had a nice chat with my parents over breakfast about what I´ve decided to do on a professional level, but that is a post for another day, for now I´m going to eat cake with my family anyone in for some?


Love
Birthday boy

My biggest fear

I know it´s been a while, sorry about that, my life is turning to weird places, I have a huge mess going on in my head about what is it I´m doing in the future and have to admit I´m not taking it well.

Now, as for the title, I would want to tell you my two biggest and most horrible fears, both of them might make you laugh for they are actually quite idiotic on any standard, I know this, but there´s a reason why they are called phobias, they are an unreasonable fear.

One of this -and I have to admit it´s rather shameful to admit it- is I suffer from Telephobia, that is a fear for taking or receiving phone calls, no really, I am totally scared about it and I don´t know why!

My second fear is not more reasonable but I do know it´s origin, I am afraid of making a birthday party. As to the origin of this fear is quite easy, whenever I had a birthday party when I was a kid I was left completely alone waiting for everyone to arrive, of course that never happened. So I´ve tried to avoid making birthday parties ever since I´m 12 years old, so I can avoid the feeling of failure.

Now as the reason of this post is quite easy, I´ve been planning on making a birthday party on saturday, I´m quite anxious about whether I should have it or not, don´t want to be left alone again, I think  now I know enough people to have a half decent party but I don´t know :( well, we´ll see how this plays out.

Infatuation vs. Frustration part 2.

This is part two of yesterday´s post where I talk about opening up to a guy I like and have known for a long time now; today I express why I haven´t I didn´t try to make a pass on him before -just in case you were wondering-.

Well, thing is one year ago give or take I ended a relationship that quite frankly don´t know why I even started, THAT´s the day he learned about me being attracted to men -as weird as it might appear, things usually happen for a reason, but let´s not jump into that just yet- so let´s just say there was some drama in my life at that exact moment.

As the days passed by there was a part of me that wanted to go out with him, specially since it was so easy, it was close and he was willing to do it... unfortunately I just couldn´t do it, realized that I was so lost, didn´t know what I wanted and didn´t want to hurt anyone, specially not him. But why was that? I had feared him to become just a "quick-fix" to a broken heart, a rapid solution to another easy way-out -which was the relationship I had just ended-. It might be seen as me being really selfish, but I don´t think you´d like to be threated as a rebound relationship either, and wanted to know if what I was feeling was real or just some filling the space that had just become "vacant" next to me.

So as time flew by and I stopped seeing him as often as I once did because of school and work it became hard to remember that I was taking time to think about him and me and us, and so I forgot about men. That´s right, I forgot about relationships at all; all my childhood and most of my adolescence I spent it alone so loneliness is no stranger to me, and we get along just good enough, been ages since last time I grew restless about being alone and not finding love, patience has sink in me real deep in that matter. All this time off helped me in ways I didn´t think were possible, made me grow up, find out what I was looking for and made me a whole person so I don´t have to look for my "other half", now I could look for a person for me to share in totallity. Would I recomend it? doubtlessly; is it easy to accomplish? Hell no! requires all your patience and mental stability sometimes to be alone when what you want the most is to be with someone, but in retrospective I can see that all this time looking for what I really want and developing the patience to achieve it has payed in kind.

So anyways, I´ll keep you updated, until some new development takes place I´ll wish you farewell.

Love
Me

Infatuation vs. Frustration

Hope it hasn´t happened to you because it´s quite irritating, however here comes today´s topic: Infatuation: good?

I know this guy, actually, I´ve known him for a couple of years now and he´s always been a real cute with me -also he´s gay-, he found out I like men little less than a year ago, however, ever since he found out he acts like a school girl next to her all-time favorite rockstar, which I have to admit it´s quite flattering lol, as I said he´s real nice, charming and with a real cute smile, he talks and makes jokes around his friends, acts with a lot of confidence and can become the soul of a party... that is of course unless I´m standing next to him.

 When I´m with him he´ll just stop talking, he keeps his phrases short, ending them with something like "you think?" and his eyes to the ground the whole time; if there´s someone else with us he´ll direct the whole conversation towards him/her and talk about topics only they understand -memories of past parties and such- and if I ask something to him he´ll answer to the other person as if he/she asked him in the first place. All of this is quite annoying because I don´t want to hang out with a guy that doesn´t even know how to make conversation, he´s someone I´d like to know better but this way I´ll never get it done if I keep getting out information out of him in a monosyllabic way, ugh, frustrating.

bi ~maybesomedday

So I decided I need to talk to him, tell him honestly that I like him and see where that leads us; as I´ve said I´ve known him for a long time, I haven´t made a try on starting a relationship with him though -even when he clearly showed he was interested in one- because it just wasn´t the right time. I´ll write about this next time though, still have some reflexion to do on the subject, mean while, I´d like to know opinions on my plan about going all out with him, anyone?

Love

Me

Cause you´ll never hear of someone excited of just waiting

There seems to be something wrong with me, maybe is the lack of something inspirational to write about or that my life seems as boring as a night out in a straight club -I´m sorry I just hate those places, I mean guys are sooo drunk and acting like complete assholes, not to mention that the only person dancing are girls and of course, me- but I´ve had a rough time finding something to write about. However is not only writing that´s been ttroublesome, sometimes when I get home turn on the TV and a loud "meh" comes out of my mouth, turn on the computer and "bleh" nothing interesting going on either, talk to my friends and only thing they have to talk about are their problems -I mean it´s not as if I don´t care but come on! there MUST be something else to talk about- so I say "argh" in response.

Life seems so empty at the moment...well not really empty, just slow -I´ve been meeting tons of people lately but lack some excitement- they say life doesn´t wait for anyone, and I´ve lived to that philosophy my entire life, so I´ve become used to a certain life style only corresponding to a huge city, with not a minute to spare and lots of things to do, stress everywhere and weird thing is that instead of being relieved, I kinda miss it. So I´ll beg you to excuse me if there is not many updates around here but life gets kinda boring. However as I hate complains this rant stops here.

On a positive side, I went to celebrate one of my best friend´s birthday on sunday -yes sunday, from everyday of the week on a freaking sunday!- and had a really good time, must say that I was afraid he was avoiding me, last time I saw him was 2 months ago when I came out to him after 5 years of being really close friends, took him quite a long time to get over it, but yesterday I saw him was as cool as we have never been, we even saw eachother earlier to catch up on what´s new, which actually took a weight off of me. Also I tasted a recomended drink by a cousin, haha, It´s called "Calimotxo" what´s in this drink with an exotic and fascinating name? nothing else than Coke and red wine, doesn´t taste as bad as you could imagine, lol.

So anyways, thanks for reading throught the whole thing, had to get it off my chest, and if you leave a comment I´ll be double thankful, good night.

Love
Me