The maudlin story of a bisexual boy

When you hear the calling....

2010-09-12T13:09:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know, I´ve been far away for too long and I apologize, I´m much ashamed because I had to thank everyone for their kind words towards me, on mails, tweets and comments, I appreciate it so much, was feeling really sad but you have helped me to bounce right back up, and I hadn´t thank you, so ashamed of myself.

As for why I´ve been so idle on my blog is quite easy, as you know for the last four months I´ve been struggling to find a job inside a company -which I haven´t gotten yet- and was getting a little bit desperate about not doing anything with my life, however thanks to the support of some friends, teachers and -of course- my parents I decided what I wanted to do.

You see, a few years ago when I started studying psychology I was so in love with the idea of actually Practicing my career, dreamed of the day I¨d be finally able to sit with someone and talk about their problems and actually doing something to help people. Then, after a couple of years in the university, after some boring classes and after some teachers that have made it their personal goal to crush people´s dreams, career expectations and kill all the fun in the process I kinda got lost and forgot what was the whole career choice about, that is until I remembered.

bi Tsuki-wo-Nusumu

I admit it makes me real anxious to start from scrap, knowing no one in the whole health-care industry and being myself a freshly graduated psychologist, and it´s been a constant swimming against common paradigms that I start as a consulting professional, I thought I would get a job doing some human resources job for a big company while I got enough money to start my business and start studying a master´s degree, but today I think I can start from where I am, I mean, got the knowledge and the passion for it, it will be a matter of hard work before I start getting any kind of good money, but I´m in no rush. Whole past week I´ve been doing some major reconstruction to get my office set in a nice part of town where I can share with an uncle for a couple of days a week while doing something else to get my name around in the field, I could use some suggestions though, so feel free to give me some advice to start my own private practice, pretty please.

So anyways, I¨m so happy for I once thought "when I´m able to give consultation" and today I am capable of saying "I ALREADY CAN!".

Love
Me

My birthday party

2010-08-28T23:32:00.000-07:00

Considering all the events that took place tonight only one think comes to mind and that one is "I´ve had a perfectly lovely evening. Unfortunately, it wasn´t this one.

I´m just getting home from sitting in an empty table reserved for the 10 people out of the 90 guests that received an invitation, 10 people confirmed their presence and one by one they all made a last minute call to cancel my birthday party. One by one the people I trusted the most, those I wanted to see most in an important day to me, they all canceled. I guess that after 26 years I´d have learned, don´t know why I keep trying.

I won´t say it didn´t hurt being kept waiting for people that never arrived, you get to grow used to the feeling however I don´t think anyone should. Don´t know what to say, I´m just depressed and feel real bad, anyways, have a good night.

My birthday! today! YAY!

2010-08-26T18:46:00.000-07:00

Today was an awesome day, in fact I spent the night awake until it was past 1:23 a.m. and I swear I could listen to how body sounds when it gets older, lol, in fact, I think I¨m starting to smell a little like an old person.

Today I turn 26 and I couldn´t have spent a more awesome day, all day long I got congratulations from all the people I care, from around the globe and they are still coming in, I swear I have always hated my birthday but a couple of years since it´s been a really great day and I thank you all.

Can´t believe I´m twenty six now,certainly it was an easier transition from when I turned 25, now that was a commotion haha, Been a great year and I´ve learned so much, met so many people and given love and received so much in return, it´s been a well lived year all in all.

Today I had a nice chat with my parents over breakfast about what I´ve decided to do on a professional level, but that is a post for another day, for now I´m going to eat cake with my family anyone in for some?

Love
Birthday boy

My biggest fear

2010-08-23T19:56:00.000-07:00

I know it´s been a while, sorry about that, my life is turning to weird places, I have a huge mess going on in my head about what is it I´m doing in the future and have to admit I´m not taking it well.

Now, as for the title, I would want to tell you my two biggest and most horrible fears, both of them might make you laugh for they are actually quite idiotic on any standard, I know this, but there´s a reason why they are called phobias, they are an unreasonable fear.

One of this -and I have to admit it´s rather shameful to admit it- is I suffer from Telephobia, that is a fear for taking or receiving phone calls, no really, I am totally scared about it and I don´t know why!

My second fear is not more reasonable but I do know it´s origin, I am afraid of making a birthday party. As to the origin of this fear is quite easy, whenever I had a birthday party when I was a kid I was left completely alone waiting for everyone to arrive, of course that never happened. So I´ve tried to avoid making birthday parties ever since I´m 12 years old, so I can avoid the feeling of failure.

Now as the reason of this post is quite easy, I´ve been planning on making a birthday party on saturday, I´m quite anxious about whether I should have it or not, don´t want to be left alone again, I think now I know enough people to have a half decent party but I don´t know :( well, we´ll see how this plays out.

Infatuation vs. Frustration part 2.

2010-08-08T20:21:00.000-07:00

This is part two of yesterday´s post where I talk about opening up to a guy I like and have known for a long time now; today I express why I haven´t I didn´t try to make a pass on him before -just in case you were wondering-.

Well, thing is one year ago give or take I ended a relationship that quite frankly don´t know why I even started, THAT´s the day he learned about me being attracted to men -as weird as it might appear, things usually happen for a reason, but let´s not jump into that just yet- so let´s just say there was some drama in my life at that exact moment.

As the days passed by there was a part of me that wanted to go out with him, specially since it was so easy, it was close and he was willing to do it... unfortunately I just couldn´t do it, realized that I was so lost, didn´t know what I wanted and didn´t want to hurt anyone, specially not him. But why was that? I had feared him to become just a "quick-fix" to a broken heart, a rapid solution to another easy way-out -which was the relationship I had just ended-. It might be seen as me being really selfish, but I don´t think you´d like to be threated as a rebound relationship either, and wanted to know if what I was feeling was real or just some filling the space that had just become "vacant" next to me.

So as time flew by and I stopped seeing him as often as I once did because of school and work it became hard to remember that I was taking time to think about him and me and us, and so I forgot about men. That´s right, I forgot about relationships at all; all my childhood and most of my adolescence I spent it alone so loneliness is no stranger to me, and we get along just good enough, been ages since last time I grew restless about being alone and not finding love, patience has sink in me real deep in that matter. All this time off helped me in ways I didn´t think were possible, made me grow up, find out what I was looking for and made me a whole person so I don´t have to look for my "other half", now I could look for a person for me to share in totallity. Would I recomend it? doubtlessly; is it easy to accomplish? Hell no! requires all your patience and mental stability sometimes to be alone when what you want the most is to be with someone, but in retrospective I can see that all this time looking for what I really want and developing the patience to achieve it has payed in kind.

So anyways, I´ll keep you updated, until some new development takes place I´ll wish you farewell.

Love
Me

Infatuation vs. Frustration

2010-08-07T14:31:00.000-07:00

Hope it hasn´t happened to you because it´s quite irritating, however here comes today´s topic: Infatuation: good?

I know this guy, actually, I´ve known him for a couple of years now and he´s always been a real cute with me -also he´s gay-, he found out I like men little less than a year ago, however, ever since he found out he acts like a school girl next to her all-time favorite rockstar, which I have to admit it´s quite flattering lol, as I said he´s real nice, charming and with a real cute smile, he talks and makes jokes around his friends, acts with a lot of confidence and can become the soul of a party... that is of course unless I´m standing next to him.

When I´m with him he´ll just stop talking, he keeps his phrases short, ending them with something like "you think?" and his eyes to the ground the whole time; if there´s someone else with us he´ll direct the whole conversation towards him/her and talk about topics only they understand -memories of past parties and such- and if I ask something to him he´ll answer to the other person as if he/she asked him in the first place. All of this is quite annoying because I don´t want to hang out with a guy that doesn´t even know how to make conversation, he´s someone I´d like to know better but this way I´ll never get it done if I keep getting out information out of him in a monosyllabic way, ugh, frustrating.

bi ~maybesomedday

So I decided I need to talk to him, tell him honestly that I like him and see where that leads us; as I´ve said I´ve known him for a long time, I haven´t made a try on starting a relationship with him though -even when he clearly showed he was interested in one- because it just wasn´t the right time. I´ll write about this next time though, still have some reflexion to do on the subject, mean while, I´d like to know opinions on my plan about going all out with him, anyone?

Love

Cause you´ll never hear of someone excited of just waiting

2010-08-02T20:41:00.000-07:00

There seems to be something wrong with me, maybe is the lack of something inspirational to write about or that my life seems as boring as a night out in a straight club -I´m sorry I just hate those places, I mean guys are sooo drunk and acting like complete assholes, not to mention that the only person dancing are girls and of course, me- but I´ve had a rough time finding something to write about. However is not only writing that´s been ttroublesome, sometimes when I get home turn on the TV and a loud "meh" comes out of my mouth, turn on the computer and "bleh" nothing interesting going on either, talk to my friends and only thing they have to talk about are their problems -I mean it´s not as if I don´t care but come on! there MUST be something else to talk about- so I say "argh" in response.

Life seems so empty at the moment...well not really empty, just slow -I´ve been meeting tons of people lately but lack some excitement- they say life doesn´t wait for anyone, and I´ve lived to that philosophy my entire life, so I´ve become used to a certain life style only corresponding to a huge city, with not a minute to spare and lots of things to do, stress everywhere and weird thing is that instead of being relieved, I kinda miss it. So I´ll beg you to excuse me if there is not many updates around here but life gets kinda boring. However as I hate complains this rant stops here.

On a positive side, I went to celebrate one of my best friend´s birthday on sunday -yes sunday, from everyday of the week on a freaking sunday!- and had a really good time, must say that I was afraid he was avoiding me, last time I saw him was 2 months ago when I came out to him after 5 years of being really close friends, took him quite a long time to get over it, but yesterday I saw him was as cool as we have never been, we even saw eachother earlier to catch up on what´s new, which actually took a weight off of me. Also I tasted a recomended drink by a cousin, haha, It´s called "Calimotxo" what´s in this drink with an exotic and fascinating name? nothing else than Coke and red wine, doesn´t taste as bad as you could imagine, lol.

So anyways, thanks for reading throught the whole thing, had to get it off my chest, and if you leave a comment I´ll be double thankful, good night.

Love
Me

OMG! today is my Blogiversary!!

2010-07-27T10:39:00.000-07:00

This calls for a celebration!!

bi *complejo

It is with an incredible feeling of satisfaction that I announce that a day like today only one year ago I made one of the hardest decisions I´ve ever made, yes you might think it´s absurd, but I was one of the most private people you´d ever meet -that added to the fact that my writing skills suck-, is that it was a real hard choice for me to undergo. I actually remember how nervous I was the first times while writing down my true feelings, it made me scare to death thinking that someone might find out what I was really thinking or believed that if someone knew something about me they would use it against me.

Today however, I have to thank you all for a year of following my life, where I have learned so much from myself and the world, experienced so many sad and happy moments, that had brought me tears and laughter; however, the most important thing that this place has brought me is the friendship from wonderful people from across the globe I would never have met any other way.

I´ve been in touch with so many people that has come and has gone, some of them I keep track of, some others just disappeared from my life, some I´ve never heard of again just like that, some others I´ve had fights with and gone away, you must know that all of that I regret and if given a chance I´d make things better, for all the people that read this, all of my new found friends, all of you are the real reason I´ve grown, learned and become a better person, for all this I wish to dedicate this one year Aniversary to all of you that made this possible and have given me so much with out even realizing it.

THANK YOU!!!

from the bottom of my heart for following the life of this silly boy.

LOVE

DZYAN

Woops! forgot a title for this one

2010-07-23T21:26:00.000-07:00

There is no better place in the world to be writing than the one I´m at right now, and that is because I´m between my sheets, five minutes ago I was freezing to death though and it´s all because of my sister.

I love her to death and would do anything for her, today that took the form of a international folkloric dance festival that took place in an open space with no protection of anykind, so what does that meant? five hours of standing under the rain watching group after group of dancers from all across the globe. I will not lie, I went there only to take care of her, but in the end I had a real good time, and who wouldn´t when you get to see guys from across the globe moving in suggestive ways all across the stage.

Must admit though, I´m a little jealous of my sister, she is in a school dedicated to develop the artistic potential of their high-schoolers so they have all kind of dancers, actors, paintors and singers and my parents are so supporting of her as well as my brother and me, however I am jealous because I know I could´ve fit in a school like that, I mean come on who wouldn´t be happier learning how to do backflips instead of being inside a lab doing tests to crap -no, really, that´s what I learn in high-school- I know times when I was her age were really tight and if I didn´t get the chance to do that is because we were more worried with what -if anything- we were going to eat that day and I´m glad we no longer have to do that, so I´m tremendously happy for my sis because she will have the chance I didn´t have, and as for me, well, I know two things to be true, one: the only thing that comes between yourself and your dreams is yourself, and two: it´s never too late to learn, so I´m seriously thinking about my choices, but for now that´s what they´ll remain, thoughts, good night every body.

Love
Me

Me on the streets

2010-07-17T14:37:00.000-07:00

One thing I haven´t done in a while when I log in is check out my dashboard on this blogger thing, so it was pleasing -and surprising- to know that it turns out I reached one hundred followers -omg the humanity!- I know I´ve been a long time around so people that started reading this blog have come and gone so I´d be quite foolish on my behalf to think that 100 people really read what I write in here -honestly who the f*çk cares about what happens to a single guy that doesn´t post pictures of naked guys or talks about his sex life [oh, that´s right, there IS something called sex life, I wonder whatever happened to mine? OH Shit! How long it´s been since last I had sex?! now I´m freaking out! How long´s it been?! gotta do something about that, and soon, any volunteers?] what was I talking about?... oh, right right- so I went and checked on google analytics and turns out I have way more people reading than I ever thought I had or would ever had to be honest, so thanks a bunch to everyone that still reads and follows what nonsense I write about, really appreciate it.

So now to the topic at hand; a question has been running around my head for a while now, it comes around like an annoying fly that upsets your peace, doesn´t seem to want to go away no matter how much you flap in the air or strike the walls with a rolled up newspaper and as much as you try to kill it it´s just impossible to get rid of the buzzing sound inside your head, you get the idea. So this thing is actually a question I think was published on Craig´s blog that states:

If you saw yourself on the street would you ogle yourself? (you get what i mean) How would you rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 in terms of hotness? :)

To which I would answer Hell yeah! I rate myself as a solid 9, because let´s face it, to be a 10 is just an illusion, only man who is a ten is a man you haven´t met, idealize or have only seen in your dreams -so yes, I have a high morale and maybe think too much of me but that doesn´t hurt anyone... or it hasn´t so far- however the part that really hit me was that after thinking if I´d "ogle" myself if I saw myself in the street what would happen next? I mean there´s nothing wrong with a glimpse at guys specially hot ones, however, what would happen next? what would I do afterwards? and then it hit me: I would do nothing!

The idea struck me like a bucket of cold water, "what do you mean you would do nothing?" -I asked myself- "well MAYBE not nothing, I would probably just walk right next to him [myself] like that guy is not even there" OMG, that´s TRUE! I do that often, when I see someone I like I tend to act like he´s not even there and what´s worse, they usually act the same way! it´s like if I don´t see you maybe I´ll be interesting enough for you to want to talk to me, and that´s the most stupid thing I´ve ever thought about! no wonder my sex life it´s non-existent! man, Have to do something about it and quickly if I want to keep on with a good and healthy sexual life, so there you have it, I suck at this things.

So anyways, don´t let me die alone here, I´ve told you what would happen to me, do answer what would you do if you saw yourselves on the streets, need to learn about how to approach hot guys. See you around

Love
Me

Answers for DD

2010-07-14T21:02:00.000-07:00

First of all you must know that I´m doing this post against my own will, it´s actually Deeper Daze´s fault I´m writing today, I´m tired, sleepy, grumpy and a little bit sad, but he insisted I did a post today, oh, and by the way, you can go check his new blog at http://deeperdaze.blogspot.com/ -which makes his profile name not as original as one might think but *shrugs*-

As it seems DD doesn´t have a mail I can send my answers to his questions, I´ll have to post them in here -everyone thank DD. lol- So in order of most resent backwards

What I´m up to today?
Well I went to a job fair which was kinda cool because I found a friend that I see a couple of times at the gym and thought was gay, turned out we went to a dinning room after the whole fair thing was done and talked for hours. Turns out my gay-dar never fails, he´s gay, has a bf and seems to have lived a hard life all this time, he´s nice and a great guy to talk to, we got along just fine and it was fun.

However I am sad as I didn´t get the job I really wanted, so right now I´m playing with the idea of going for some alcohol and just forget about the whole thing, it was an AMAZING job.

Another question is, Do I live in México?

Sure do, all my life, Mexico city that is.

So DD, you should really think about getting a msn account, that way I can answer to you directly lol -and maybe use the chance to change your profile name :P

OH, I also want to take this chance to thank the Lesbian & Gay Foundation (http://lgf.org.uk/) in the UK for the shout-outs of my blog, I feel so international now.

Anyways, now I´m off to bed, good night everyone hope tomorrow is a better day

Love
me

My dad

2010-07-12T17:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, so first, gotta apologize on not being around that much, but my internet connection started to suck last week and I get an irregular connection, seemed like the most easy thing to fix but with what resources and education I have I could only made it change if it really wanted to change -sorry, psychologists´ joke, couldn´t help myself- but seems like my dad has solved it, don´t ask me how.

And talking about the devil, today´s my dad´s birthday, YAY! today he turns fifty-two, which if my math doesn´t fail me he had me when he was 27 and my brother at 25, which is actually my age, OMG, maybe I´m running late to give birth to my own children, heck, he was married when he was my age, guess it´s true what they say, I might be a big slob, maybe, but today´s not about me, it´s about my dad.

Now, Dad and I, we don´t see eye in eye in... well, anything really, we´ve got arguments on an almost daily basis, he complains about how I don´t talk to him that much and I complain about how he talks in the rudest way I know, he has pushed me away from him and I act defensively around him, when I told him I was gay he made a huge ruckus out of it... and yet when it was all over he still stood by my side, he took it like a man and accepted me for who I am; the man worries himself sick whenever I go out at night, will fight my best judgment whenever I feel like I have to do some activism for gay rights but knows that is something I have to do and will give the evil-eye to any friend I bring home, it´s exasperating.

Dad and I will fight for no reason whatsoever at any given time but the REAL reason we fight so much is quite easy, we are SO much ALIKE. That´s right, I learned from my dad most of the things I know and I don´t mean academic stuff but everything else, he taught me to be a hard-worker, be independent, never give up and solve my problems, so now that I´m older and have learned all this things from him he doesn´t like me because I´m a hard-working, independent and perceverent problem-solver, which is kinda funny.

So dad, I know I´m not the son you wanted me to be, nor the doctor you wanted to have in the family, nor the person that would give you the grandchild you so wanted, in fact I know there´s a gargantuan chance you won´t even read this ever, but I want you to know that I thank everything you´ve done for me for the last 25 years now and want you to know you´ve always been my number one hero and I love you.

bi AndrewDickman

Dzyan

Some time off

2010-07-06T18:45:00.000-07:00

First of all gotta say something, I admit it´s hard writing again after so many time away, but have to try or won´t be able to write ever again.

Well, one thing people might not know about me is that coming from one of the most populated cities in the world it is to be expected from me to be a person that has a way in getting himself busy all the time, and you´d be right you´d made such an assumption, I´m quite restless when it comes down to getting work done, so now I´m unemployed this hasn´t changed a bit -Oh! quick update, might be getting a facilitator position for a big pharmaceutical company which makes me real happy but I´m still waiting the final answer from them, guess tomorrow I´ll have to give them a call- What I´m doing then? well to no one´s surprise I´m volunteering at another NGO -well, I was bored and have lots of talents, won´t let them go to waste, lol- and I´m working in favour of male reproductive and sexual health, I guess I´m more in love with the gay community than I could ever care to admit.

Anyways, as to what I am doing, I´m developing workshops and seminars for men to learn how to approach people, initiate conversations and get dates, which is actually really fun to work on, been learning lots of stuff, having so much fun and practising new and old pick-up skills, so it has been a learning experience, lol; now I´m a relationships expert of sorts :P

I will admit that one thing that I love about working in different NGO´s is that I learn so many things about life, people and growing up, so I will recommend anyone if you have a couple of spare hours try to give a little, I´ve received so much.

Oh, one last thing my good friend JP asked me how the Pride parade went, it was really fun, got to go with my second evil ex-boyfriend, and although he ended up depressed -which I admit might be my fault as I think he expected us to hit it again as a couple and I didn´t answer the way he expected- I did have a good time, unfortunately I couldn´t take any pictures as I don´t owe a camera and couldn´t get anyone to lend me theirs. That´s it for today, thanks for your comments and concern, see you soon.

Love
Me

On the run again

2010-07-01T20:25:00.001-07:00

Hello again, must say it feels great to be blogging again, even though not much has happened lately, well, besides from being stood up at a date, but well, not much I can do, I told you already I wasn´t thinking much in dating and stuff since I´ve got little to offer, and truthful to my words haven´t been trying real hard to try and get a date, however this time is a little different as the guy in matter is an old known of mine, actually more than that, it´s actually my first evil-ex-boyfriend, lol; to be completly honest I´m not sure still where this -if anywhere- is going -taking into account this is like the fifth time I´ve tried getting him on a date, so yeah, still can´t rule out the nothing happening thing- Man! I can´t remember when my life turned into this constant walking on eggshells, guess it´s a normal part in the whole graduating and deciding what you going to do with the rest of your life thing,

I remember those good old times where things didn´t get planned, thought-through or meditated, I just did what I wanted and worry about it later -if ever- ah! guess this is what growing up is all about, getting responsibilities and stuff not so fun. However, I´m still young -regardless of what my behaviour might hint- :P

Bi muhjo

So to brighten my day a few I want to talk about something that to me is really important. If you have known me for more than six-months -six-months? where time goes??- you´d know that I used to run wild and free -no, really- and that it was taken away from me because of a leg injury; well, it´s my pleasure to inform that my leg is strong enough now so that I can go take a 20 min. run without ending limping and crying -don´t laugh, it did happen- so YAY ME!!! I´m still taking it slowly -again with the slow timing, I´m so 50 years old *facepalm*- so I don´t hurt my leg again, which seems to be working, and I couldn´t be happier. That´s it for today´s rant, thanks for your reading of this old young guy to his every complain, lol, have a great one and don´t forget to comment!

Love

On the run again

2010-07-01T20:24:00.000-07:00

Bi muhjo

Love

On the run again

2010-07-01T20:21:00.000-07:00

Bi muhjo

Love

This is what a not-update looks like

2010-06-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

This is truly and utterly surprising, I still have people that follow my blog!

Cool, thanks a bunch.

So... a little about my last days, I´ve been sick -damn flu- all week, not getting any jobs either, so you see, no real reason to update about my life as it seems it´s getting nowhere.

Oh, two important things have happened tho, first, tomorrow is Gay Pride Parade Mexico City! YAY, hopefully I will attend, need to be careful as I´m still sick and all the sun and exposition to the wind might get me real sick. IF I attend, it will be my second parade -as I was always fearful of going to that kind of things and not accepting of myself to be seen in such places- so I hope it will be a good one, last year was disastrous, got all kind of bad weather including a storming rain that ended the whole parade early.

On the other hand, I´ve been talking to a guy at an NGO that works to keep masculine health -you know me always the idealist- and might even work for a couple of months there after I get a real paying job.

Job-hunting has been ruining my life, I have noticed I haven´t made a pass to a guy in months and I´m more pressured about getting a job than doing the latter, guess it´s all about priorities, first, get a job, then get someone to cuddle with, after all, I know there´s few things more enthralling in a guy than him having money -in a relationship I mean, of course in a one night-stand only thing that seems to matter is physical appearance and charisma, so If I have both why not go for those? well, I´m only human, I want what I cannot attain- and I´m broke, so gotta do something about that as soon as possible.

Gotta go back to bed, need to sleep a lot and I do mean a LOT, yesterday was a hard night, couldn´t sleep with all kinds of thoughts jumping to my mind, guess I had too much coffee at a late reunion with an employer, too bad. Unfortunately neighbours seem to be holding a party, a noisy noisy party, one of those that will end around 6 am with everyone drunk and with people getting physically beaten to a bloody pulp, YAY neighbours, they bring such happiness to me. So well, keep healthy -unlike me- and a good night to you.

Love
Me

A quickie

2010-06-11T20:25:00.000-07:00

It´s here at last, the long awaited and always belated: Update time!!

So the reason of the delay in my updates is basically, I´ve got nothing so important to update about, or do I? Nope, not really, but I´ll put you up to date nonetheless; been doing the same old, going to interviews, being disappointed in the slavery conditions people want me to work in -I´m not kidding, a 12 hours shift six days a week with minimum wage and no other income is nothing to laugh about, well I did in the face of the HR manager any ways, so that´s a job I´m not going to get-. A good chance does present itself every once in a while and I take advantage of those few occasions; right now a big opportunity is open to me, however as anything that´s worth something in this life, it won´t be easy to get, need to give a presentation about Assertiveness to a bunch of managers and the CEO, afterwards got an interview with some international hot shot I´ll be working for, so this weekend will be studying and working time for me.

Oh, the position, I decided I´ve got a lot to give as a teacher, so now I´m applying for the facilitator role in big companies, I mean, I´m pretty good doing presentations and moderating groups, I´m quite convincing and got a really good presence, so I´ll be doing my best job, I´m nervous though, gotta do my best effort and WOW everyone in the room.

So that´s basically it, well, I do need to thank people for their support, it does mean a lot to me, even when I haven´t been updating much you stick by me, THANKS!!

Gotta go do some work and tease some friends, lol. See you around

Love
Me

My day!!

2010-05-20T18:06:00.000-07:00

Yeah yeah, I´m still updating my blog irregularly, sorry about that, but today´s an important day, we´re celebrating Psychologists´ day, YAY us!

First time ever as a psychologist and celebrating it makes me feel happy; Job hunting´s been a bitch lately, can´t get an interview for my life, it´s kinda depressing but hopefully soon I´ll get something. Also I´m thinking of getting a job away from home, in another state, maybe moving out, probably would crush my parents, but I need to learn to live by myself, can´t rely on them all my life, Mexican culture is a little different from other places, here, we live with our parents most of our lives, sometimes until we get married, and sometimes not even then, but as I´m not planning on getting married... gotta move outta here.

Oh, and I´ve been trying to post this one for a long long time, so read it as if it was important.

The day I realized I liked guys, yes, yes, it´s a process, and it takes time, but you always remember the moment the "penny drops" in your head. This is such a story.

Some years ago -can´t remember how many and doesn´t really matter- while I was still learning german, I was looking for music in said language to try and sharpen my ear and get it better for an upcoming exam, so in the mean time I found this band called Polarkreis 18, at first I only met them by a song called Allein Allein and thought, man that´s an amazing voice but when I saw the video I was shocked to find out that the one singing it was actually a guy, however it was until I saw this video that made me say, wow, that´s a guy is really hot

So after a few seconds of a mental pause where you have this crystallizing moment where you realize that you just hit the right nail, you just said another guy is hot, and not only one, but three =S -yes I like most of them- so yes, I was there in front of my computer screen, trying to rationalize what I just said out-loud to myself having a panic attack and trying with all my might not to freak-out, since that moment I tried denial, rationalization, rage, more rationalization, depression and even more rationalization, of course that lasted some months, as I said it is a process, but as I said before, you never forget the moment of realization when something drills its way up from your subconscious and fights to be free, that´s the day you remember for the rest of your life. Now I´m not saying the band members are gay nor that the band is targeted for gay people, all I´m saying is thanks to them I knew I shouldn´t keep on fighting what I really wanted.

So anyways, congrats to psychologists around. See ya all later

Love
Me

And the conclusion is...

2010-05-14T15:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, first I have to thank everyone for their kind comments and great advice, who´d have said I still have readers, lol, thanks so much indeed.

Well, I just got off the phone with the lady that´s -probably- my next boss, thing is apparently they can´t let me get the vacant if I´m an unopposed candidate, they should see another one and see if he´s as -or more- able than me to come to a conclusion, which really takes a lot of pressure off of me, because now I can go to the other job interview on monday and not be pushed into making a decision on a rush, however I won´t discard this one as it is one of the most important ones I´ve ever had.

Also, yesterday while talking with some friends over the internet I was reminded of how lucky I am to be able to get a chance at two different jobs with so much to go for, this because of all the people my age and younger I know NONE of them has a job or job offers, so I must be doing something good, hehe.

Anyways, thanks all for your comments once again.

Love
Me

Oh, and I almost forget, I´m attending the nutrition center because I´m a total mess at eating, so decided I needed some structure, I´m healthy and fine, however I keep eating like as if I were starving all day long, that can´t be healthy, today is the first day of this diet and I´m feeling fine, just kinda need something sweet but I´m not allowed until a little later, which will be an apple and something like cookies, not used to eat them at all, but doctor´s orders. This is the first time in my life I have a diet but it´s not as bad as I thought it would be, anyways that´s all for now, take care.

What to do?

2010-05-13T17:38:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone -I wonder if there is still anyone at all, anyways- need some help to make up my mind.

So I´m getting home from a job interview in which I did outstandingly well, tomorrow evening I´ll know whether I´ll be in or out, but chances are pretty much 90% to my advantage, still there´s that 10% which is open because a horrific catastrophe could happen between today and tomorrow. Anyways, I´m applying for a job at the evil office of Human Resources of a huge company that offers a great deal of growing opportunities, blah blah blah, anyways it´s just a job for the short term, I´m planning on going back to school later and some loans to pay.

And it would all be flowers and rainbows but for one thing, I´m being offered a similar job at another organization, however this one is a Non-profit one to which I have an appointment on monday, there I would also get payed, maybe not as much but would get some money, so options are take the safe bet and take the job tomorrow or do the same job in a place where what I do could do some good in the end, what to do? also there´s a big chance I don´t get the second job because I´m competing against other 19 people, but I love non-government organizations, don´t know what to do, been a week since I started sending job applications and now I´ve got two really juicy ones, what´s stronger? my sense of moral right or my greed for money and power?

bi tincek-marincek

I´ll try to post tomorrow if I get the job, in the mean time I need some help in this decision, help, pretty please.

Oh, also I went to the doctor to get a diet for the first time in my 25 years to get even more scrumptious, lol, will tell you more about that later, til then.

Love

Suck

2010-04-30T20:59:00.000-07:00

Has it really been that long? man, that sucks! and talking about sucking this post will be filled with things that suck!

bi Purebe

Unfortunately not the kind of fun suck, but the kind of suck that make you go "buuuuh", but first of all I do apologize for not updating this thing lately, work´s been a bitch.

So who/what/where sucks? Work, the suckiest thing ever. Been doing some thinking and even though I enjoy doing what I do, work has become more of an annoyance each passing day, it´s not only the fact that I get no pay at all, but the fact that I am -without trying to make me a saint- the only person there that seems to care a flying rat´s ass about doing any work at all, and I´m not the only one that´s unhappy with this, people that are in need of help, co-workers and pretty much everyone that knows about the place. For example, while my boss seems to be too busy working on his Farmville, I´ve got three really stressing projects to develop so now I´m pretty angry, stressed and outraged that I´m the only one that wants this place to go anywhere. ARGH!

So where´s this going? well, decided I can´t keep doing this anymore, it´s like I own the place and won´t get any pay, so I´m walking out of there as soon as I´m done with my work, which won´t take me more than a couple of weeks, in the meantime I´ll look for a job in the english teaching industry -again- and from there maybe I´ll be able to undergo a masters degree, and maybe in the near future I´ll be able to go back to the whole NGO business, but right now it´s not the best moment, maybe later because I enjoy working for the people and have become quite good at what I do, PR projects.

Oh, almost forgot, made an account for something named Dailybooth -here- so if you want to meet the face of the blogger you so love you should check it out. Promise to update more frequently.

Love
Me

2010-04-14T20:32:00.000-07:00

Today I found out I have a stalker lol and I´ll answer a couple of questions on a comment

But first I want to thank Aek for his comments week-in week-out, thanks man.

So it all began three months ago when school started, I have a class in the morning to which I only had to go one day a week for three weeks and then nothing til today, which is a sweet deal. On my very first class we were told we had to work for an NGO so we could build our humanitarian side, as I already work in one was asked to give a class on the organization, which I give without any further problems and then I stopped going because I already cover the profile for that class.

In the morning I went to school to check on that subject´s grade, at the classroom there where like five students besides me so I get my grade, I sign it and prepare to leave, when suddenly a guy comes out of the blue and starts asking me questions about the place I work at, I could see he was gay so I thought he wanted to ask me a question about... I don´t know, something related to what I do there, however that wasn´t the case, we just talked for like two minutes and I was on my way out not before asking him his name -I don´t know why but I´ve developed this weird thing about asking people´s names and remembering them, also I´m really good at it now- we said our byes and I was out of there.

Ours later -thanks to lovely Mexico city´s Subway and its holdups- I get home and check my mail and see I´ve got an invitation on Facebook from someone I don´t know -I don´t accept people I don´t know btw- however the name was an alteration of this guy´s name and had his picture, now I´ve gotta tell you, to find my profile on facebook is not easy as it doesn´t have my picture but the cute little drawing you see in my profile at blogger, so to know he found me was a little weird, it must´ve been difficult to him to find me, so I see him online and ask him if he was the guy I was talking with earlier on he told me he was, so out of curiosity I asked him how he found my account; well -he said- I saw you hanging out with X and thought you might be friends, looked for you and there you where; -to which I replied- how could you tell it was me? moreover, how did you know how to spell my name?; -after a few moments of silence he tells me- Ok, I lied, after talking to you I asked the teacher for the grade list and looked you up so I could know how to spell it, -I was- Hmm, Ok...., But I´m not stalking you, Riiiight. LOL so it was weird, first time it ever happens to me.

Oh, he´s a nice guy we talked for hours and he´s so out there, one of the few go-getters I know to this day, so anyways it was really cool getting to know him, afterwards I had to go eat something and to the gym and didn´t see him again for the day, we´ll see how about tomorrow :P

And now for the big question asked to me by FrankR from Beautiful Veracruz México -tried to answer to him directly bia e-mail but it didn´t have an address to reply to- his questions are "You're mexican, aren't you? why do you write in English?"
Dear Frank, I am Mexican indeed, born and raised in Mexico city for the last 25 years and I can assure you without the intention of scoring any extra merits that I love Veracruz, with some luck I´ll go to one of your gay bars at the port or maybe to Xalapa.

On your second question, I write in english because when I started doing this blogging thing I didn´t want people that know me to find out about it as an ex of mine had a blog in spanish and I didn´t want to have the same follower as him and then him knowing I had a blog and all that, so from that day I ´ve written 100 something posts and I´m already comfortable with doing them on english, besides my redaction has improved and I feel great writing without having to check if my spelling was right and the tense I used was correct every three words -not that I don´t make mistakes, it´s just that I don´t care any longer, lol- so there you go, a huge hug to you, keep sending those questions people, I love ´em. take care and see you next time :)

Love
Me

Long great weekend

2010-04-11T12:49:00.000-07:00

Woah, it was a WILD week-end, still don´t know how I´m awake and/or alive : P

I guess I should write it down right now just before I forget or fall for a long hibernation time to reconstitute myself.

On Friday I promised a friend I would take him out because he was feeling depressed, he´s having some issues with his girlfriend and I just wanted to make him feel better because I´m always the "good guy" with a bunch of friends, however I didn´t tell him where I was going to take him, so I took him to a friendly gay bar downtown where we both had a great time. One thing I did learn from our night out was there´s a huge difference between gay/straight bars goers; a clear example of this is that when you go to a straight bar you go to get drunk, while when you go to a gay bar you go to have a drink and dance the night away. So he wanted to drink and I wanted to danced :/

So everything was great and I menaced him that if he ever got depressed again next time I´d take him to a trans bar, hahaha.

So we got home and got set to sleep around 2 a.m. -I know, early but you have into account that bars close at 3 a.m. in Mexico city- problem was that right before we got any sleep he opened a chatterbox and just wouldn´t stop talking until really early in the morning, tbh I don´t recall a word he said, just that my bed is too small to fit me and a straight guy, so if nothing was going to happen I wanted to get some sleep already cause I had big plans for the next day.

So Anyways, next morning I accompany him to the bus and got in touch with Mr. Urs that was in town. I have to say that I´m afraid he might have gotten the worse impression of me as I was always late whenever I told him I´d be around, so sorry about that :(

Anyways, we got together and visited some mexican artisan shop I didn´t even know existed -can´t blame me, living in Mexico just doesn´t want me to have souvenirs from my hometown- and later headed home for some sleep, afterwards went with my brother to see the movie Nosferatu being played with live music, which was really cool and I enjoyed it, performers were really charismatic and made the movie extremely enjoyable.

Later I got together with Mr. Urs again and we went clubbing, must say I was schooled in dancing by his husband, but was fun to no end. Anyways, I for once had a great time and drank alcohol like they were giving it away for free. In the end I remembered it had been like hours since I had something to eat at all and was surprised how I wasn´t stinking drunk for drinking so much on an empty stomach.

So it was a fantastic night. Oh, and Mr, Urs, I´m sorry for making you walk for an hour or so, next time I´ll pay for the cab.

Need to sleep, take care and be good, see you later.

Love

I do my little dance on the catwalk

2010-04-01T22:07:00.000-07:00

So break is here, two days off work and a week off school, nothing could go wrong but the fact that... now I´m working at home.

Thank you everyone for your kind comments, your hugs and your letters they really cheered me up when I needed it the most, thank you for your visits that always make me feel like people give a damn about what I think and thank you for all the new guys that read my blog.

So on my search to get away from work and in the spirit of holidays -probably not what these days are meant for, but who cares anyways?- I went with a co-worker to the cheapest, dirtiest, wildest gay bar I´ve ever been, was so cool in that small room, the people I saw *phew* it was INSANE!

bi koony

I even got to dance in a platform and MAN! I never thought I´d dance on one of those things, it was cool, in fact the wildest part was when the spotlight stuck on me, you just don´t know what you´ll do when everyone inside a gay club is watching you and shouting and whistling, it was an awesome experience.

However by far one of the coolest things that have happened this week to me is I met this guy -on blogger, so don´t get excited- and he´s really sweet and cute, his name is Manu and he just happens to be Mexican too, now he´s a really nice guy and you should go read his blog NOW!!

So you go read that blog and I´ll write pretty soon, take care.

Love
Me

I need a break from this

2010-03-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

No, not a break from my blog -I´ve taken a break for too long for that- I need a break from my heartbreak.

However before anything might happen I want to thank to everyone for their kind comments, their mails and love all got to me and made me feel so much better.

Here´s what has happened, my bf and I, we talked things over, really really fast as he as always had no time to waste, I understand him though, and knowing that he´s got too much going on atm and I had to let him go -why people say that? it´s not as if he wanted to go, he just had to- it´s a not the right moment kinda thing and what I want is someone that shows a little interest, maybe just want not to feel indifference out of him, maybe I´m the one that´s imagining these kind of stuff, however I wasn´t feeling like living with that, don´t know if I make any sense.

So lately I´ve been feeling really down, on Friday I decided not to go to work, one of the greatest things about working with gay people is we get depression days, haha, kinda funny if you think about it, guess I found just the fitting place for me to work. I know I´ll be OK given time, right now I just want to be alone.

And to say goodbye to this guy that wasn´t supposed to be with me at this moment, the only song I like from Green day as it makes me feel all tingly inside every time I listen to it

Green Day - Time Of Your Life
Cargado por BulleT_iN_A_BiBle. - Videos de música, entrevistas a los artistas, conciertos y más.

Love
Me

I´ve got an Owie

2010-03-19T21:25:00.000-07:00

Well, actually what I´ve got is a f´çkin´ heart failure -a metaphorical one- here´s the deal

As I´ve told you before my boyfriend doesn´t enjoy showing affect in public spaces, therefore he doesn´t kisses or hugs me anywhere but private places, usually I get to steal a kiss from him every now and then and I´m happy, he´s happy, everyone´s happy, right? wrong, dead wrong, what happens when I´m the only one that seems to make any moves at all -I mean trying to kiss him- how do I know? cause I stopped trying to kiss him and he has not once tried to kiss me.

So OK, I put up with that cause I´m supportive, I don´t care, no affection in public? whatever, so I try to get us to get some time for ourselves, it´s been now four weeks that I´ve been trying to get him to go out on a weekend for a date and the result is I´m still waiting for him to make some time, OK you´ve got a life and things to do, but always?

Now you come feeling bad, I do everything to make you feel better, make you smile and forget about your problems, put aside all my issues and listen and try to make you happy, cause I care about you, but one question assaults me... do you care about me?

Anger? I can deal with, sadness? peace of cake, insecurity? my day job, Indifference? That´s the one that makes me feel like shit.

Has this relationship ended without me realizing? are we just like friends now?

WTF is going on?? Feels like I´ve given so much and now I´m left alone, and yet it feels so good when he´s around; one thought is making his way from the back of my mind, one that says I should just leave, let him go and do whatever I want after that, I wish with all my might it doesn´t come to that, I enjoy his company and I know he cares about me, but I wish he would show it, if I´m as important I wish he would show it to me in any way.

Don´t know what to do now

Trippin´

2010-03-15T20:52:00.000-07:00

Today was the day I got home, was in a place far away, you see my grandmother was suffering from depression as her brother died a few days ago, so being the concerned grandson that I am had to go cheer her up, which is easier said than done -yeah I know, sound like I´m Mr. Goody two-shoes, but you know what, I don´t f*çkin care, it´s MY grandma, if you wouldn´t do that for yours then I´m sorry for you.-

Now, let me clear this thing for you, you might think all grandmothers are the all loving, cookie baking, scarf knitting old lady that sits in a rocking chair by the fireplace, heck no, my grandmother refuses to get old and will do anything to prove she´s so young, so for her knowing that her brother died is a huge blow as she´s so young for her family to start dying. So anyways, grandma is a hard person to deal with, she´s the matriarch of the whole family and her feelings are airtight, so for her own good had to get there and help her let her feelings out before she had any kind of health problem; so after a weekend of cathartic work I was more than happy to come back home. Don´t get me wrong, I love her, she´s just complicated.

The whole weekend was deprived of internet which made me realize how much I´ve become an addict of this thing, also, her house is in the middle of Still-town, Mexico, so it´s boring as heck and it´s got nothing to do... well, only thing it´s got is a beach just across the street which was almost empty, but have to admit, a beach all for yourself is not half as fun, still, weekend was filled with a pronounced learning curve in family history which was cool as one has to know where he comes from to know where he´s heading, so right now I´m just tired from the five hour bus trip at night where I can never catch any kind of rest; right now I just need a good night worth of sleep and I´ll be fine. Oh, in case you´re wondering, today was a spare day at work and school so I took the chance to stay home and rest all day.

So anyways, cool to see you all around again, I´ll see you again really soon -I hope- :P

Love
Me

Uhm, Hello?

2010-03-10T10:42:00.000-08:00

...Yeah, I think I still remember how to do this.

Ok, so to everyone that follows and/or reads the blogs of this cool guy an enormous apology from the deepest part of my heart. I´ve got no excuse as to why I haven´t updated this place but know this, I´ve been quite busy, busy, busy, you know, work´s been quite involving, some days I can´t even get to school on time, but not to worry, nothing´s gone to waste -specially with the classes I´m taking- SO the real object of this is to let everyone know I´m doing fine, been wishing really hard to get time to write in my blog but once I get home only thing I wish for is to go to sleep and don´t get enough spare time, so I´m truly and utterly sowwy about it.

Btw, I noticed that since I last left I had gotten a few more followers, welcome everyone, and this only goes to confirm my theory:: the only thing that damages this blog is my presence.

Anyways, just wanted to drop you a line or two, hope to be writing really soon, til then, Dasbidania.

Love
Me

Crushed by the love

2010-02-19T19:12:00.000-08:00

I´m overwhelmed, I mean, I am totally amazed by all the love everyone showed to me on my 100th post. Thank you all for all your kind comments, mails, tweets and congratulatory messages, if love weighted the same as a feather, I´d be crushed under the love you provide me.

So well, on that boyfriend of mine everyone seems so interested on knowing about wish things were doing better, ya, cause they are not doing as great as they should, the reason is that in a relationship things need to be talked over and we have talked about our expectations in a relationship and we are at an impasse. Now I´m known for being careless about relationships, never setting up ground-rules and just enjoying things as they come, but this time I want to do it "by the book" -well, what ever you want to call it, just want to make sure we look in the eye in the important parts of a relationship- I´ve never done it and I guess it just will prevent problems on the long run, but *sigh* what ever.

Anyways, whatever the outcome might be, it will be for the better, ´sides we´re good pals and right now I guess he needs a friend more than he needs a boyfriend. Thanks for reading and thanks for all your feedback.

Love
Me

And this makes them 100!

2010-02-16T10:11:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone, my name is Dzyan, I´m a 25 years old mexican and I no longer volunteer at an LGBT center, nope, not anymore, now I work here and get payed. I have a boyfriend and the mere thought of him makes me smile; people look at me in a weird way everyday because whenever I´m thinking of him I start talking with an accent that comes from the northern part of Spain -cause that´s where he´s from and I just love the way he talks- I´ve had ups and downs but my past is behind me now, suffice to say I´ve learned from my mistakes and I´m moving forward.

Up until last December I studied psychology, now I´m clearing my last few credits at school which stop me from moving forward. When time comes I want to study a Master´s degree about "Sex and Gender Differences" -but you never know for certain what the future holds for us-.

I´m the -now not so regular- writer of this blog. Almost 8 months ago I started writing about me and once I got over paranoid issues about people in my everyday life finding out my real thoughts, I was glad to start writing openly about me in the most open and honest way I could. This is a HUGE deed on itself, as I´ve always been a private person, have never cared for people and I´ve always been secretively as for the motives and reasons I do anything, people never get what I´m doing, but as Shakespeare once said "There is method in my madness".

Along the way of writing in this place, I met incredible people, they´ve been patient enough to me to stay all this time, some more have come, others have gone, some have gotten mad at me, some have advised me, but all of them have helped me become what I am today and for that I am ever so thankful.

This is my post number 100 and I know I wouldn´t have been able to survive all this time without this place and without all the people who´s been with me, for this I´m eternally grateful to you all; so here´s to you my beloved friends

bi Haikera_Baiketsu

The reason I write this introduction of sorts, is because, today, one hundred posts later, I´ve changed a lot, I´m more mature -or I´d like to think so-, more confident and happier about life, I´ve accepted myself as I am and have shared with so many people a little piece of our lives, now I open myself to people and welcome them in my life, it´s taken quite a lot of time and effort, but it´s been worth every single bruise and insult along the way, only thing I´m still wondering is: How much more changed will I be in a hundred more posts? only one way to find out... so stick around to find out, oh, and it wouldn´t hurt you to leave a comment. So see you later and once again,

THANK YOU!!

Love
Dzyan

Hidden Kisses

2010-02-12T21:17:00.000-08:00

First of all, I need to thank for everyone´s good wishes and comments on last post, I´ve titled it at last, I didn´t not because I couldn´t think of a good name, but I didn´t know what it was atm, but now I do :)

This whole week has been really cool, I now have a boyfriend I enjoy spending my evenings with. Although there is something new about it too. As some of you might know, last year I came out to everyone I could come-out to, my mom, my dad, my boss, my dog, my friends even my sister´s ferret, everything; since then I just stopped caring about people watching me "share some love" in public places, private places, anywhere really I just bother about not displaying love whenever I feel like it no matter who´s around.

On the other hand, Ángel -yeah, let´s call my boyfriend that- he doesn´t want anyone knowing about his sexual orientation -which I respect and wouldn´t make him do anything he doesn´t want to- so lately it´s been a real adventure stealing kisses and sneaking them in the shower room, the dressing room, dark streets, everywhere I can, so it´s been a new experience, and I´ve found it really fun and exciting, there´s always the chance of getting caught, so it makes it really exciting, lol.

bi ankkutza

Well that´s it for now, I´m really sleepy from spending the afternoon with him, oh, and the working-out too, so I´ll see you later.

Love
Me

The beginning

2010-02-10T11:10:00.000-08:00

Turn-off the light and feel my way into bed and there you are. Told you I wouldn´t let you spend the night alone, you were feeling a little sick, your back ached and had to make a long trip to sleep on your couch on that empty house, with nothing to eat but pears from a tree, I couldn´t let you go through all that, you opposed resistance but I had my mind into not letting you alone and I can be so persuasive, so I took you home, gave you something for the cold and warm clothes.

And there you are, waiting for me in the edge of my bed, you leave me no space to lay so I pushed you a little, pushed your body with mine, asked where it pained you, you took my hand and make me feel your body, I know we´ve always been comfortable around each other and you like me to feel you and I enjoy it too, you grab my hand and surround yourself with my arms.

Who would´ve known you wanted it as bad as I do.

We spend the night in each other´s arms, trying to sleep proves to be hard, but who wants to sleep when your dream is already becoming a reality? At this exact moment if I have any worries you silence them with the sound of your breathe. Your hands are hard and rough, just like mines, but I can´t stop enjoying when they run amok through my body while I caress your hair and start searching for your lips.

The kisses seem to never end and with each new kiss time stops around us and fireworks start to fire up in my eyes; darkness is no more as the night gets lit up by us two. And thus, the night came turns into day and I receive this new day with the best present of them all, you in my arms.

Bi MultiCurious

What will happen now? what will happen now? what ever the future might bring, I´m just glad I met you, you tender sweet Spanish lover.

Like a rolling stone

2010-02-07T16:32:00.000-08:00

I just love that -Bob Dylan´s- song... haha, anyways, I promised myself I would post what´s been going on in life, because changes are here, and are here to stay.

On school, classes began on Friday -well, not really they began on monday... two weeks ago, but I didn´t have any money for tuition, so after a few loans from don´t know who, hopefully not a drug dealer, but what do I know- hopefully for the last time, I´m already tired of the University and need to move on.

On work, this is my last week working as an LGBT counselor, which is sad but money is needed if I don´t want to end with broken legs.

On this blog, I haven´t been updating much because I leave really early to work and get home really late because of the gym, I´ve been spending there 4 hours daily and no, I´m not compensating anything or will pass-out from exhaustion, I only do like 2 hours of exercise but the fault is a guy´s really.

On a guy really, I met him two weeks ago in the gym, he´s from Spain -woot Spain!- and has a really cool story that I might tell you some other time, for now it´s enough to say that I went out with him yesterday to an old castle for him to know a little about the city and I know I love to show people around, we walked for about 15 km, on the 5 hours we saw each other under a scorching sun and I must say, there´s just something about him that draws me closer and makes him the first thought each morning when I wake up and the last when I go to bed and since today I didn´t see him, I can´t stop thinking about him. Oh, remember when I talked about someone not being around? yeah, it was him; what can I say? I really missed him. So yeah, I´ve got a crush, which just has two kinds of outcomes, the crash and burn or the one where you get lifted to heaven, so right now I´m just taking it really slow for fear of any result, but if I´ve learned anything out of life is things won´t move unless you make them move, so I´ll make things move really soon. More as it develops, but I´ll just have to reach...

Bi undershrub

Just a little higher

So that´s it for the time being, I´ll do another of this when something worth mentioning comes along, til then au revoir

Love
Me

Workout routine -a toon

2010-02-03T05:46:00.000-08:00

Oh Ya, lately I could pick up a truck single-handedly, if you get my meaning, but seriously what can you when the guy you enjoy spending your time with suddenly disappears from the world without any trace?

Anyways, I´m becoming a total authority in the subject

Love
Me

...Sup?

2010-01-31T08:44:00.000-08:00

Where have I been? that´s easy, not where I´ve wanted to, where I´m heading is the actual trick question, still, I´ve been taking this time to figure that one out.

Let me tell you, I´ve been away from this place for almost a week now, haven´t been reading nor writing a single thing nor tweeting, however I´ve been on msn and skype and every other account I own because I promised a lot of people that whenever they had a problem they could count on me because I would always be there, can´t take that back and can´t be that selfish as to go away when people need help.

So I´ve been going through some hard thinking about life, wondering what I want of it and what to do to get it, having no money, -finished- career -yet-, job -a paying one-, a boyfriend or a girlfriend -it´s called bisexuality for a reason afterall- so had to take some time to do the thinking.

bi Seizen

Today, life as I know it is hanging by a tread, on tuesday -as tomorrow is a day off don´t ask me why- gotta tell my boss and give him my two weeks notice, yup. I´m leaving the LGBTQ center, volunteering there has made my life all that more meaningful and I thank all the people I´ve met for letting me into their problems -maybe here´s not the best place to thank as they will probably never read it, but still- that doesn´t mean I won´t be listening to anyone that needs any help, but my need for money to pay my studies is atm paramount, as much as it pains me I´ll have to leave that place.

I´ll be six more months till I clear all my credits at school and on top of that I need to find some job, so it might be the roughest beginning of the year I´ve ever had. Oh, and I need to thank dear friend FMS as he listened to me when I was having the toughest time, thanks man, you´ve always been there when I need you.

On the light side, I moved to a new gym -owned by the school as those are really cheap- and some schoolmates of mine have decided to come with me, so now we hang around for a few hours a day, but they are such woozies they needed to rest for the week. Besides there I met this cool guy with a really interesting story, and I think I´m beginning to like him, wonder if he like´s me back and in what way, all I can tell at this moment is I´m developing this weird northern Spain accent that I can´t stop nor notice and everyone else finds odd in me, but maybe they´ll never know why :P

So OK, maybe this post was futile but had to write it down for me, anyways, I´ll work things through, just know that if I´m AWOL for a while know is because life needs my full attention. Adiós tios!

Love
Me

A friend...

2010-01-26T21:41:00.000-08:00

Warning: "Friendship" has too many meanings

For classified ads a "Friend" is someone willing to give you a hand all the time

Would my friends please raise their hand?

Sunday Toon

2010-01-24T11:25:00.000-08:00

...Dzyan style

Well for a brief explanation about this post, I recently came-out to a friend and it didn´t go as well as expected, I´ve had all those reactions one way or another and sometimes I fell like even when coming-out is a way to show ppl how much you trust them and let them in your life telling them a secret, things just get more complicated *sigh* well, guess not everyone is comfortable with having a friend that´s attracted to guys too, so here´s for Pyrrhic victories!

Love to all
Me

Now, comment or succumb to my awesomeness!

Oh, I´ll get you...

2010-01-20T10:17:00.000-08:00

Finally some time to post, sorry about not updating past days, homework made me its bitch-boy and wouldn´t let me off the shackles -wooh, S&M reference, hardly get one of those (the references not the S&M...well not that either, lol)-

Any who...Training -running- went great, have you ever had an orgasm while running? well, I had six -yeah, I counted ´em, if you´ve ever had one you´d understand- here´s the part about the bad news, rest of the day went smoothly -or as smoothly as days go nowadays- and by night my ankle was aching a little once again, just a little, I wondered how could that have happened, remembered that after training got my cellphone to count my steps, turns out I took 19, 654 steps AFTER running, which is the same as 16 km. + 5 km running...so without any rest during the day I just screwed the friggin´ ankle once again. Next day I couldn´t walk properly... again.

bi Dr. Karanka

Here´s the part about shitty news, yesterday while getting out of home I noticed someone broke into my brother´s car, and was in fact still inside the car, so I yelled at him, he started to run for it and without thinking about it ran after him like a mad man, now one thing you don´t get to do to a sprinter is run-away -where would my self-respect be afterward?-so I started gaining distance on him and noticed there was a guy waiting for him in a runaway car, just when I was about to get to him he jumped through the window and the car started moving like the devil was after them -and he was atm- but as fas as I run I can´t outrun a moving car, and that´s when it hit me, my f*çkin foot! definitely not a good idea. Yup, that was a big...

Soooo, yeah, I´m back at limping now and have to look for something else to do for a cardio work-out for the next few months til it gets healed.... or amputated, I go either way atm, so what will it be now? cycling? spinning? swimming -I wish, but expensive-? FML.

Love to all
Me

Let´s Get Physical

2010-01-17T13:46:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I went to buy new running shoes, everyone that knows me for more than two weeks knows I love to run, I was in the Track and Field team until six months ago when I had a bad injury, tomorrow will be my second attempt at doing it but now with new shoes, as last attempt turned out to leave me in bed and not able to walk for two weeks and limping for a month I´m pretty interested in tomorrow´s outcome.

So thinking of that got me thinking and remembering about my old days at the T&F team, the good old days where guys in shorts up to the upper thigh and Lycra t-shirts helped each other at warming up, we were good, by the time we finished you could see us all sweaty and hot as hell, but tbh, who wouldn´t I mean, we all started with a good leg work-out, who doesn´t like to assist at Squats? yelling "go down, deeper, deeper, YESS! ahh, there you go, now hold it! up now down again, faster!"

Oh, oh, I know, then comes the sit-ups, ya, we could´ve done them in the typical way but I was so friendly to everyone I had to offer my help there too

"Yes, you work that boy, yes, what you mean you´re done, give me 10 more, come on! trade places? ok but only cause it looks kinda fun."
And you can´t go around without working the back, Heck no! telling guys to lay down on their backs was too much of a treat to let that pass.

"What you mean I´m too low? you´re too low, arch that back!" I know, I´m a drill-sergeant but it´s for their own good. In fact I trained them so well I always got there second.

Coach always told me to keep my eyes in the first place, what he didn´t know is that I actually did the whole entire race :P

But at the end of it we were all really good pals, we hugged and spanked each other -another of the benefits from being second place- and had a little celebration every time training ended.

I wish!

But we did have a good time. Anyways wish me luck tomorrow, we´ll see if I´m able to walk after it -though maybe it´s Karma- Enjoy your Sunday.

Love to all

Boyfriend wanted

2010-01-15T16:17:00.000-08:00

Seeking for a full-time fun-loving, energetic and outgoing person to love and hold.

Requirements:

At least 18 years old, driver´s license not needed, experience not necessary

Knows how to laugh and make people laugh, enjoy outdoors activities and the little things in life

All artistic skills welcomed. cooking skills are not a must but be willing to learn together is

Reliable and trustworthy.

Money not an issue.

A killer smile, punctuality and flexibility are required.

Must make an interesting conversation and be a good listener.

Available to travel for long periods of time during the summer.

Kissing skills are optional but will provide extensive training on a hands-on approach once you are accepted.

Excellent oral skills needed, Hot body a plus, clothing optional.

Must live within close driving range to the territory

Must NEVER provide past boyfriends references

Location: Mexico city, Mexico

Compensation: Breathless moments every hour

Send contact information to: Lovelessinmexico@gmail.com

Is this really that hard to get???

The Endless Homework

2010-01-13T13:57:00.000-08:00

Geeze! Homework just never stops, it keeps coming and coming at me, and work that has already come just doesn´t go away on it´s own, everyday more and more chores to do and it just doesn´t seem to "lighten-up" last semester at school I did it all, yelled at it, threw it to the floor and even cry and it just didn´t go away, so decided I should change strategies here.

So here´s a list of the things I´ve done to try and win some time to deliver homework on time:

1. Get the book from the library and brought it home
2. Open the book and find the needed chapters
3. Turn-on the computer to start writing down my analysis
4. Get online -that happens everytime computer is turned on-
5. Check mail, check mail, check mail -I don´t like getting friends, family and work together in the same room, why should I let them get together on my mail?-
6. Answer some e-mail
7. Check new posts on blogger
8. Prepare something to eat -now I´m hungry and can´t expect me to work on an empty stomach-
9. Clean everything I used -I would need to do it sooner or later and it won´t hurt no one if I do it right now, right?-
10. Get back to the computer -Oh look, someone tried to contact me on msn-
11. Have an interesting conversation of a girl and her sad sad story about why girlfriends can´t be trusted -her words-
12. Check mail, check mail, check mail
13. Take a nap -I can´t work while being sleepy-
14. Wake up -several hours later-
15. Clean my desk -with all that mess I can´t even concentrate-
16. Get a shower
17. Change the bed sheets -been a cold couple of weeks and need some warmer ones-
18. Rotate bed -should be done once a month, when was the last time I did this?-
19. Make bed
20. Check mail, check mail, check mail
21. Tweet about how much work I have yet to do
22. Chat with someone in MSN to tell them how homework is a bitch
23. Download music to create a "homework-mood"
24. Sing, Sing, Sing -found Regina Spektor´s album and can´t stop singing it-
25. Go to the gym -that always helps me forget about the frustration about homework, besides, I deserve it, been hours since I´ve been doing homework-
26. Make a post about something nice that happened at the gym -wait, that was yesterday-
27. Comment on some bloggs
28. Check mail, check mail, check mail
29. Look for the book -I know I had it here somewhere, it was on top of the desk... Oh...-
30. Find the book -yay! I placed it in the bookshelf next to a book I have looking forward to read-
31. Read the book -the one I was looking forward to read, not the one from homework-
32. Watch some anime -my sister was watching it and been a while since last I practiced my japanese, yay!-
33. Go to school and try to explain to the teacher homework´s too damn hard and I don´t get anything I´m reading to get an extension
34. Renew library loan
35. Check mail, check mail, check mail
36. Make a quick post about how endless homework is these days

Which brings us to the present moment, there, see, I´m a victim of the environment that doesn´t allow me to concentrate, so STOP DISTRACTING ME!! :P

Love to all
Me

P.S. is that cake I´m smelling? no? well, now I can´t do homework til I taste some cake, maybe I´ll bake one, been a long time since I last cook, Oh man! my sofa is dirty, I should get that clean... no, I´ll take it for reupholstering, no wait, I´ll do it myself....

P.S.S. Today I have a test for a class I´ve never taken and have no effin´ idea of what the class is about and it will constitute 100% of my grade, so please wish me luck.

The forbidden fruit

2010-01-12T11:29:00.000-08:00

Is there anything more exciting than craving that which you cannot have?? steady my old heart. Ok, ok, let me start from the beginning, but first forgive if I type real quick, got lots of homework to do.

So today I called work because I got lots of homework -that never seems to end- and told them I´d take the day off. So went tot the gym really early to a place that´s a few blocks from my house, it´s been a long time since I walk these streets as I´m almost never home and got to go the exact opposite way. Anyways, I got to the gym and as I was the only human soul it got pretty boring, that was of course until I glanced out the window, I was on the third floor and could see a huge house across the street where a large group of young guys were gathering, they seemed too friendly hugging each other and laughing away,"Oh no!" -I thought- "I´d better go help them, they won´t be able to hug all those cute guys all by themselves".

So after a few more glances between reps, I realized they were all really cute and well-dressed, so I wondered "How come no one invited me?", so using all the street-wise I got when I was a kid riding my bike around the neighborhood tried to remember what that place was... until it struck me, THAT´S A LDS CHURCH, and not just that, THAT´S WHERE MISSIONARIES GET TOGETHER!

Anyways after some minutes of staring through the window -was alone, what can you expect from me? I´m only human after all- ended my workout routine and hit the showers. After a few minutes of getting ready I hit the street and while I was busy browsing for a particular song in my iPod, noticed someone was staring at me so I turned to see who it was and saw a little group of these boys that had crossed the street to buy juices and what-nots, among the group was a particular guy that was staring at me but when I looked up he looked away, he was cute so I stared at him while walking their way until he had to look at me, when he did I gave him my most earnest good-guy smile, he answered with one of his own and I swear I´ve didn´t know the human face could turn that shade of red :P so that really made me smile and while I was half a block away I turned around and noticed he was checking me out as I was leaving, he really made my day, lol, I know I´m the worst, sorry everyone, but I didn´t force him do anything.

Anyways back to work but first a huge hug to every cute Mormon gay guy around :) -not to the ugly ones, they don´t deserve them, though if there is one, I´m still to find out-

Bi silverMKI

Oh, and now a song that´s quite ad hoc and it got stuck in my head yesterday as I was falling asleep. It´s 11 years old already, can´t believe it.

Love to all
Me

Today I shed tears for you

2010-01-11T11:12:00.000-08:00

Just a quick and important message, I know I´m not the most religious guy around, nor the most serious, relevant or important. So I´ll let Ryan explain the situation at hand here.

When a person I care deeply as Ty needs help I´ll always be the first one to get there. Ty you are in my every thought, hope you feel better for all that´s good and sacred in this world... words overwhelm me and don´t know how to express how much I care for you, so please be okay. Hope you wake up real soon feeling better.

All my love to Ty
Dzyan

Let´s hear it for the boys!

2010-01-09T22:56:00.000-08:00

Sunday, which means I´ll spend most of the day sleeping away to catch up on hours lost during the weekdays, so in order to make up for that I´ll talk about more important matters, so here I go:

First of all everyone MUST visit Ty at I´ll do tricks for you, he had an accident and I for once send him my best wishes, am worried sick about him but until he gives further info we´ll be kept in the dark as to what happened, can only wish for the best.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back?? goody let´s carry on.

Now, Seth, he´s been feeling a little down last couple of days so I wish him to feel better soon and send him one million hugs all the way to *hint, hint* his blog.

bi boobookittyfuck

Tra-la-la... oh! I´m just making time for people to go there and come back, don´t worry, I´ve got time...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It´s time to give a round of applause to the new-ish guys in blogtown

Ok then; now I´d like to welcome back j from California, He does a Gentleman´s Romance and must admit I haven´ t heard from him before and although he´s just re-started I enjoy reading what he´s got to say, he writes really well and should be read by everyone IMHO.

Surely you´ve heard about Joshua from Africa, 19 and into the movie scene. He writes My Mortal Dream and though deadly I´ve learned about people living there and about traditions, a good blog to open your perspective on the whole country through the eyes of a young fellow as himself.

Let´s move on to Anton, from Anton´s House, he´s such a lovely guy and lately his life seems to be turning for the better, you should read about him, also he´s from -much to his dismay- New Mexico, and I wish him to keep building-on that confidence, oh, did I forgot to say he looks really cute in his profile picture? lol.

Oh, and talking about lovely Profile pictures you have to meet Sam from the UK, Sam Richardson that is, from A Bang Bang Blog, he´s barely starting to post though he´s been on Blogger since August, maybe he´s a Blog stalker ¬ ¬ but he writes what comes from his heart, and he likes Florence + the Machine, so he´s on the cool boys list :)

A huge *hug* to Tommy from Of the Male Persuasion, he´s from Australia and seems to be having a little rough time lately, I send him much love and and all the patience in the world. Cheer up mate :) we all get those kind of moments, but you´re deffo not alone.

Everyone back-up I just found the ultimate High School Dandy his name is Josh from Florida and he´s barely beginning his blog, in fact I´m proud to admit I´m his first follower :P so go say hi to him too.

Last but not least, We have Travis writing at All Nighter Wannabe he´s living life the only way I know how to live it, fast and making each day count *high five* lol.

HOLD YOUR HORSES!!!
It´s been brought to my attention that I´ve made a horrible mistake overlooking another recent blogger, BB from Beloved Boyd blog my deepest apology, in my defense your blog didn´t appear when tried to open your profile, sorry, I promise I´ll read your entries at my scarce waking hours, I mean, gay and mormon, sounds fascinating. Thanks for the heads-up.

So to all of you guys, WELCOME!!

bi sprogg

I know, a long list, but it´s worth it and all of them deserve your time and comments, I´m pretty sure they´ll all appreciate them. So if you have the time just:

SPREAD THE LOVE
Me

P.S. if the -non- appearance of your name in this post has offended you in any way, comments, complains, f*çk you notes and Yo Mama jokes are always welcomed.

Going postal

2010-01-08T06:46:00.000-08:00

Here's the mail, it never fails.
It makes me want to wag my tail.
When it comes I want to wail - Mail!

No, no, no, I think this has already been done...somewhere, but can´t put my finger on it, still, takes a whole new meaning when sang by a grown up. Honestly who the f*çk came up with the idea of wagging my tail for the mailman?? -I mean sounds fun and all but not appropriate for a kid´s show- Answer: not a straight guy, that´s for sure.

Any ways, back to the subject of this post. Yesterday while getting home from school I got to my room and found a letter addressed to Your Majesty, at first I was a little skeptical, I mean I have seen this kind of things in museums and all but never one REAL letter, so after wondering how many disgruntled mail employees had used to attempt murdering someone -Some have ninja-ish abilities and throw them around like shurikens- finally opened it.

Turns out was a Christmas card from Australia from fellow blogger -now MIA- Aaron, this needless to say made my day and renewed my Christmas spirit, wish I didn´t take down the Christmas tree at work just a few hours earlier. So anyways this letter is going right to next year Christmas tree -or maybe if I´m lucky enough I´ll get to get another one for next year *crosses fingers*- Thanks man love it and you too. -I´ll definitely have to thank him in person though-

Still I´m surprised it only took 3 weeks for it to go all the way around the world while it will take me several years to attempt that same deed. Anyways just basking in happiness.

Love to all
Me

Why I don´t trut anyone...

2010-01-05T11:22:00.000-08:00

Argh! I must admit I´m in a bit of a crossroad right now, yesterday went back to work and today I´ll be back to school for some of the last classes I have yet to pass so wish me luck and a ton of patience.

Have some personal issues that still need to take care and guess it´ll need some time til I get there, but slowly things are settling and I´m finding my way in life.

Life is indeed confusing, but you know what I´ve figured out? Sometimes it´s not my fault, sometimes is the fault of the whole world that is sending double-messages here and there, but don´t take my word for it.

Some other times it´s over-alarmist

And sometimes not pleasant enough

So if someday you feel like you´re lost and don´t know what to do next, don´t worry, PROBABLY IT´S NOT EVEN YOUR FAULT.

So don´t worry, just relax, smile and just go with your gut and always don´t ever forget:

Love to all.
Me

Between a rock and a Hard thing

2010-01-03T16:19:00.000-08:00

h, this is First post of the year for me and the last one of my vacations *everybody goes buuuu* I know I know, and now that all the festivity rush is almost gone -because in Mexico we also celebrate "Día de reyes" which is on January 6th to commemorate the day the 3 wise men got to see Jesus [or something like that] and have lots of presents for the small children and eat what we call "Rosca de Reyes"- we can all go back to our normal lives at last. Won´t say I didn´t enjoy the holidays -because no one likes nagging- but I will say that they were so meh, they´re not even worth mentioning.

What intrigues me is now that distractions are gone, now that it´s a new year, now that I´m -almost- out of school, NOW WHAT??

I think I should find a paying job, but my current job as a volunteer for the LGBTQ community down side is I don´t get payed and never will be, but no longer have any savings and can´t ask my parents for money because honestly, they don´t have any, I knew this job was only temporary but I grew to love it so much I don´t want to go anywhere.

Also I want to get into a Master´s degree, so I have to be careful about the dates and more importantly have to go through a selection process which really scares me shit-less, not sure I´m up for the level of the institution, besides from little experience in the area.

bi 6Artificial6

Guess this kind of thoughts usually erupt from every graduate now and then though.

There´s a saying I love from Lucius Annaeus Seneca which states "If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable". So right now I know I have to go somewhere, time for me to move again, hate being stagnant in a place even a place I love so much as work, have to get some long-term goals -at which I suck- and get up in my two shoes for a change, but I still don´t know what I´ll be doing next 6 months, too much at the moment.

Also I´m still looking for that person that makes me go *Aww* at night

bi Overbuary

As the heart I so wanted seems to already been taken.

Any ways, sorry about the rambling, should´ve warned you before had to get this out some way or another.

Love to all
Me

The end is here

2009-12-30T21:23:00.000-08:00

Well that´s it, all around the globe in a manner of hours clocks will tick themselves to midnight, they´ll announce the current year has run out of time, transpired minutes will be here no more, every grain of sand in the hourglass will be in the bottom signaling that whatever has passed is in the past, no going back now, no way of turning back time.

bi Livi__x

So as the last hours of the year keep their steady march to meet at the top of the clock I can´t avoid but to be reminded of all the year round joys, deceptions, surprises, let-downs, romances, sadness, falling ins and out of love, beginnings and endings. This has been one of the weirdest years I´ve had the luck to live, has brought me so many memories, has see me grow in more than size and maturity, but also in wisdom and patience, has given me breathtaking happiness and shattering sadness. But above all, the best thing to come out of this year is that it has allowed me to get in touch with amazing people I have no way of repaying them their time and care, I had a major depression for most of the second-half of the year, and instead of running away from me as anyone else would´ve done, they stayed with me and gave me their support, their patience and their love, for that I can´t find a way to repay them and will always be their must grateful friend.

Two-thousand and nine is done now, good bye and good riddance, close the door as you leave, all that´s left is to look up to the sky and watch the fireworks

Welcome 2010

Hope we can all share it together

Love to All

Please don´t EVER try this at home!!

2009-12-30T09:12:00.000-08:00

Ah, what a wonderful thing Bj´ are, what better way to show someone you trust him/her than placing one of your most valuable goods inside a cavity designed by nature to tear and rip-off flesh?

So many scents and flavors condoms come nowadays for people to experience this threat with a faint reminiscence of their childhood days sucking lollipops and with even less risk from acquiring an STD.

He who has never had the opportunity to be in this hightened state of being should not be looked with disdain, NO! We should instead help this soul lost from the oral delights that give manhood it´s pride and glory.

IF performed correctly this sensual and intimate act of pleasuring that can according to the most ancient tradition of Tantric Yoga illuminate and bring a state of Nirvana into its Receiver.

That is right, but that is IF and only IF you don´t do something like this:

*WARNING*
Next video might not be suitable for sensitive and/or all gay audiences, discretion advised.

So keep it fun and keep it safe people.

*This community service announcement was brought to you by your friendly blogger Dzyan, "Averting disasters since the establishment of Alessandro Moreschi day".

Time Flies

2009-12-27T16:17:00.000-08:00

Wake up, the light coming through the windows and hitting the white walls, they light and reflect so the room looks even more illuminated than it should be, usually light doesn´t pass through my bedroom´s curtains, and the walls aren´t white... and this is not my bed... and this is not my room; last night was so extreme, remember I bent some the rules -no, I didn´t drink at all and anything is out of the question- but had the must fun in a long time. There´s someone sleeping next to me, which of it´s own is a weird happenstance, but it´s not only sleeping by my side, it´s sleeping between my arms, we spent most of the night awake, we talked all night long, but no words were needed at all, all we said was done in actions, with gentle caresses, sublime caresses with soft hands that traveled through our entire bodies, showing to each other the greatest expression of Glory.

Night was so passionate the coldest winter left my clothes sweat damp, those clothes are everywhere around the bed, must try to get dressed before the third person in the room wakes up, he owns this room, he owns the whole house, his heavy dreaming allowed us a night of sensuality, our breathes covered by his loud snoring, which made it even more risky and exciting, had to keep our voices quiet and the emotions loud. This would repeat itself several more occasions, unbeknown to everyone but the two of us, certainly no one could have guessed that what happened in that bed between just two friends.

Been a year since that morning, still remember it like it was yesterday, can tell exactly what I did, remember us playing with our legs in the beginning, remember myself slowly getting closer once you turned around, listening to the rhythm of your heart, you were so excited... and so was I. when my arms surrounded you it was like we found heaven at the exact same time and we took our bodies with us, clothing was so out of place, who needs clothes in paradise? We cling to each other the same way you hold to your last breath fearing it will all end the moment you let go. Remember me trembling that night? I remember your kisses and remember your fire.

It all happened one year ago this day, it all happened with the moon as our witness, it all happened between the two of us, and what makes it ever so memorable? You were my first boy.

bi coubo

Felíz Navidad!

2009-12-24T12:14:00.000-08:00

Ah, Christmas, the time of the year where streets are paved with colored lights, malls are crowded with people with their last-minute present buying, TV shows nothing more than a bunch of kids saving a fat old man dressed in red that in turn will bring present to every well-behaved kid in the world *sigh* what better way of remembering the day Jesus was born?

Must warn you something, I´m not a really Christmasy person, in fact, in my opinion there´s no worse time of the year, usually around this time of the year my dad becomes depressed -if you ever wonder where I learned to be depressive there´s your answer, my brother and sister are quite depressive too- and when it happens he starts becoming passive-aggressive with everyone, also starts drinking and that doesn´t improve his mood, this jolly routine of his has been going on for 8 years now since his father died and doesn´t seem to get over it at all as the years pass, my mom usually spends the days complaining of how tight is money and won´t be happy until she starts to work again. Also we have no decorations, no christmas tree, no christmas carols nor care about all that stuff.

Tonight we´ll have a nice family dinner though and go to sleep early, we´re not really religious people but we try to have a good time.

So anyways, if you don´t celebrate Christmas, have a wonderful night -in Mexico Christmas is celebrated on Christmas eve- it doesn´t matter your religion, tonight is as good a night as any to have a wonderful time with the people you love the most, and if you do celebrate it don´t have a spectacular holiday!!

Merry Christmas!!

Bi jaescott30

Mexico City likes to keep it Gay

2009-12-22T20:27:00.000-08:00

As of yesterday -December 21st 20009- Mexico City allows same sex marriage, forcing the redefinition of "Marriage" between a man and a woman into the legal-union of two individuals of any sex, that by itself is a huge step forward not only to the LBGT community of Mexico, but also of latin america, being Mexico the first big city of latin america to approve of this law.

Bi Nathandorian

So far the only thing allowed to same-sex unions was a sort of civil union that was a mockery as it gave no one any benefits and it bestowed no rights to the couple. So how is this an improvement? Couples now can Inherit goods, ask for shared bank accounts, get free social service -medical service, government daycare, unemployment benefits, among others - and even adopt children, that´s right, however this has risen the most debate among people and might get revised later, but for now a battle has been won here.

This has taken it´s time to finally be recognized, and in some way it really shows what I´ve experienced first-hand, inhabitants of the city are now a little more open and tolerant towards public displays of same-sex couples, something that five years ago seemed so far away and even impossible.

If like me you´ve been an activist to get this benefits for some time this calls for a celebration : ) Something to be proud of.

Bi Amuthalexiel

Graduation Checklist

2009-12-21T06:20:00.000-08:00

Attend to church and get blessings for my grandparent´s sake.............................Check
Not Melt due to holy water................................................................................Check
Get to gala party................................................................................................Check
Being stared at by the 17 year old boy from next table........................................Check -*Shrugs shoulders* Huh?-
Manage to not commit suicide before dinner.......................................................Check
Have a good conversation with my parents that didn´t turn into a discussion on how they never show the slightest interest in my studies last four years...........................Check -barely-
Have the first Waltz of the night with my mom.....................................................Check
Get my brother to attend in his most drugged state..............................................Check
Change to the table of my best friend after dinner -he brought alcohol, we didn´t-......Check
Get a good time with the classmates....................................................................Check
Dance with my best friend´s girlfriend while he got drunk-er-....................................Check
Send the parent home.........................................................................................Check
Get a little drunk............................................................Check
Sing songs I don´t even know -alcohol is a powerful thing-.......................................Check
Sing along with the Mariachis..............................................................................Check
Being told by everyone how much they love me -they were more than a little tipsy-................Check
Get completely wasted with Tequila shots............................................................Check
Be photographed with everyone of my classmates -yeah now we all love each other, right-......................Check
Get home and drink a Gallon of water to avoid the hang-over..............................Check
Get sex with the -second- hottest looking most awesome guy in the world....,.........Check -sorta-
Go to bed around 7:00 am in the morning.............................................................Check

Even with all the odds against it, An amazing night

The boy just wanna have fun

2009-12-18T10:41:00.000-08:00

Oh, dear me! Tomorrow is graduation night, this night has been getting prepared for over 8 months, on one hand I´m happy it´s already here cause it means my whole generation is now officially unemployed, on the other it doesn´t really matters cause I still have to go back to school to clear some credits needed to be completely off the hook, so this is kinda empty victory.

Another thing that makes it a "not so exciting evening" is that I know this party is not about me at all, it´s about my parents and my family knowing I´m getting a degree.

So who´s attending this fine evening´s ball? My parents, my sister, my brother -although he won´t be spending much time there as he had a surgery yesterday and is still medicated at home- my grand parents of course -they are the ones that payed for school and have supported me all this years- an uncle I deeply respect and two of my parents friends that I don´t know/like/enjoy spending time with, that´s just how about me is this night about, don´t get a saying about "MY" party, gosh, Oh, and did I forget to mention my date? no, I didn´t forget, I´m going by myself. Granted I don´t want my grandparents getting a heart-attack when they see me making-out with another guy but from the beginning I didn´t get the chance to ask someone out, mom made it really clear I couldn´t go with anyone. like I can´t be discreet, when I went to my brother´s graduation he went with his girlfriend, but in mine I don´t get to take no one, great, that´s equality for you right there, in my own family.

Bi Tanly

But screw it, got a spare ticket right here, who wants to be my date??

Let´s make it a night no one will ever forget.

To beard or not to beard... mmh.

2009-12-15T09:41:00.000-08:00

I really need an opinion on this one. Granted I will not win any award for the transcendence of this post but I have this huge doubt.

Ok, question is as follows, what looks better on a person, beard or no beard? I´m talking about this new trend where people appear with their two days without shaving beard -not like Santa´s beard, I don´t like it that long, but I´m scared if we try to shave santa he might lose his travel-the whole-world in-one-night-powers so better play it safe- or the 5 o´clock shadow look.

Robert Patinsson, in my opinion this guy couldn´t look good even if his life was at risk, but meh, people seem to like him for some reason -honestly, don´t ask me why-

Beard

No beard

Uugh, Ok, next up, your favorite -not mine- Zac Effron

Honestly guys where you get these poeple...

Ok, so? this

Or this

Decisions, decisions. see why I need help??

I ask this because I have a date later today and don´t know if I should or not shave : /

Comments are very welcomed, thanks.

Love 2 all
Me

I´m free, finally free... for now

2009-12-13T09:16:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, been too long since my last post, I´m sorry, but bear in mind this last week was finals, and finals´ grades, and finals´ parties Woohoo, parties! But from now on is no school for the rest of the year, and until next January : ( sometimes seems like I´ll never get out of school.

Bi phoenixtear

Oh, do I have news, I found Craig, well he found me, but he´s back into blogtown and with a new place, good news is he won´t be wanking for strangers for money, bad news is... he won´t be wanking for strangers for money : P so now I guess you´ll have to ask nicely, tell me if that works out, may try it myself some day.

Last week was a fun one, got to ask phones and msn accounts of a lot of people to populate my broken agenda, usually spend these days at home with nothing to do, -don´t get to go anywhere and meet nice places, instead I´m forced to stay home and watch old X-mas specials, yuck- so this year I took the appropriate measures, hopefully, no, not EVERYONE I asked his phone is gay, and I´m not into EVERYONE but will try to have fun with everyone nonetheless.

Now I haven´t been updating as much as I ought because I haven´t gotten enough time, even if Joey gets angry at me, because let´s see, on Thursday had to go see a friend´s show, he did some ~~naked ppl~~ artsy short-videos and displayed them on a gay bar in a not so pretty part of town, the videos were ~~filled with naked ppl~~ interesting and ~~filled with naked ppl~~ filmed at the place I work so I got to see ~~the naked people~~ the models ~~having sex~~ doing their shots, don´t you just love art??

For this world-class premier I couldn´t go alone, in fact if you don´t want to hook-on people at a bar you have to go with someone or else the ugliest guy in the place won´t stop harassing you, but who to go with, straight friends weren´t much into the idea of going to a gay bar -don´t know why, think they don´t like the idea they might have a good time- and gay friends might think I´m hitting on them and asking for a date, and the (girl)friends I know aren´t much into going to bars on Thursday. So I asked a classmate that HAS a boyfriend to go with me, he has tried to get to talk to me ever since he found out I liked guys but he always chickens out every time, so thought it might be a good chance to bond a little and get to know him. We did have a good time and the next day he hugged me and talked to me like we had been friends for years, which was nice, I wouldn´t make a pass on him -not even if he didn´t have a bf- but it was nice to make a new friend and listen to his story when he was a little tipsy, lol. Also on that night I slept like three hours.

On Friday I got a date in the morning so had to look half-way decent even with the little sleep, it was a fun date, lasted for what seemed a few minutes, even when we talked for a couple of hours. He invited me to a party that night to which I went, it was interesting watching him with his friends and family *gulp* and ended really late and was really far away, so I had to stay at his home, couldn´t get a minute sleep, not what you´re thinking with your evil minds, I slept at the couch, but couldn´t sleep because of a horrible old clock that made such a rack every half-hour, and he... he slept on the floor, still don´t know what I´ll do with this guy, too many complications, and they might be it, all of them, but for now I´ll play it slow, I usually rush into things, but... I have to take it slow for the sake of us.

On Saturday I slept all day long only waking up to get something to eat, had to recover from the week and abuses, never did get drunk once, but had to sleep at some time, and that brings us to today, which I have no plans, had lost a lot of updates on everyone´s blog, sorry for that, and also sorry for making this so long, will try to update more frequently from now on so this won´t happen again.

Looking for "Camboy" Craig

2009-12-09T20:15:00.000-08:00

Has anyone seen him? No, I don´t need a private show, just wanted to see how he was doing with his job-hunt and his life, been a long long time since he took down his blog and though short lived I liked it a lot, but I didn´t got the chance to copy his email -I foolishly said "I´ll do it later"- so if you have it would you be as kind as to send it to my mail or refer him my way pretty please.

bi ArtCondition

Thanks in advance

Love 2 all

Waiting at school... and that story I owed you

2009-12-08T17:02:00.000-08:00

So right now I´m stuck at school waiting for traffic to ease a little, I could wait here or could wait inside the subway station for a train that has almost enough free space as to fit a mouse -yeah, that´s not a great option, also here first two wagons are women and kids´ only- ... or could wait at school watching ugly to half-decent people AND with internet connection and a seat at the cafeteria, this way I´ll make my return home in almost as half the time it will take me one hour before, so I´m pretty much taking second option even if it takes a little longer; comfort has always been one of the strongest points for decision making in my life.

By princess-nyree

So I know I promised a little drama some *counting 1...2...3* three posts ago and I haven´t delivered, shame on me, so I´ll need to explain a little something before that, as you can see in my sidebar I now have a Twitter account -I got it mainly because I was getting the feeling I was something, as many bloggers have theirs and they all talk about their lives, now I´m no exception, again, shame on me for giving in to peer pressure- so anyways I got one and I´m available there for anyone, I check it everyt ime I get internet access, so now I roam the world with a laptop in search for a Wi-fi connection. Back to the story, as some of you know I started dating a guy some weeks ago, right before I took my two weeks off, well, everything was going as well as could be expected -well, without counting last date in which I was taken mall-walking, don´t do it unless you know for a fact your date likes going to malls, i.e. not me- however, after our last date I went with my brother and some friends to play role-playing games -yeah, I´m the hottest stuff and I like D & D 4th edition, no shame in that- among those friends was my first ex, we all had a fun time and after a while -around 5 am- decided to call it a night and I went to sleep and my ex too -as we were in a friends house he gave us a room with two beds- and everyone else decided to stay up to watch a movie and fell-asleep in the living room, after a while and please don´t ask me how it happened, we ended up in the same bed, doing some nasty stuff -maybe not as nasty as fun :) - yeah, I´ll save the details because, let´s face it, you don´t care that much about my sex life.

Well everything was nice and problem free UNTIL -and that´s the key word of the story- until I found out guy I dated had discovered my blog -not really that hard, you know my name, you google it and you find me- and there he found my twitter account, this wouldn´t have been a mistake unless I had been stupid enough to tweet about last night´s deed, alas I was. Now for the third time in the post, shame on me, I know shouldn´t have done that -the tweet... or the sex, I´m not really good when it comes to casual sex, things like this often happen and I feel bad about it afterwards- but know I know better, you learn from your mistakes, and as we say in Mexico, screwing up is how you learn.

Well, gotta run, by know the amount of people in the subway should have considerably lowered,I´ll get a nice little picture for everyone to see when I get home, promised, and add me on twitter, you´ll get vital information about my life, like when they got naked male models at my work posing for a photo-shoot today, was nice. Take care kids.

Love 2 al (edit. woops, I don´t even know any Al)
Me

Edit: now I´m home, well fed, showered, happy, sleepy and found a great blog, just went to Joey´s blog go too or it will be a shame on you this time around
Edit.

Habemus Profile picturem!!

2009-12-06T14:24:00.000-08:00

White smoke coming out of the Vatican confirm the deed, the bells at Notre Dame are ringing non-stop, at San Francisco the earth is quaking with joy, at Buckingham palace HRH herself hasn´t come out of the bathroom for two hours doing the technicolor yawn from the excitement, the Sweden based Nobel prize committee has entered a heated discussion about it, should be entered in the outstanding contribution for Peace for Literature or a category all its own? and don´t even get me started on the Pulitzer.

Fact is that NOW I have a profile picture and I love it. In case you´re wondering the picture was done by my baby sister, and in my opinion it captures my whole essence.

Ok, ok, bi know you must be wondering why am I wearing a turtle´s shell in my back? truth is I haven´t got the slightest idea, but she told me in one of her dreams I wore it whilst dancing in the streets and she thought it was weird, I thought it was hilarious, so from that day on I´m carrying one -just goes to show you all that madness runs in the family- as for the cane, that it represents how I lit up the dancing floor.

BTW I´m waaay cuter in real life... and a better dancer.

Love 2 all
Me

On my way to Bollockbuster, I mean, rent this movie

2009-12-05T14:49:00.000-08:00

Haven´t seen any of these movies, but this is my version

That IS what happens, right?

Love to all
Me

P.S. Post number 69!! how much joy has that little number brought me : ]

Am I back? To be honest...

2009-12-03T09:32:00.000-08:00

I´ve been asked if I´m back to the bloggingworld, well, I think the very least I could do is provide an answer for that. But first and only to keep things straight -first thing straight around here :P -, will tell you why I stopped blogging a little while ago. Truth is writing my mind in here has helped me, it has improved my writing skills and allowed me to get in touch with wonderful people everywhere in the world and I can´t put a price to that, I´m amazed with this last fact and feel truly lucky for people that have made my life that much richer. However, writing also takes off the lid of my emotion container.

Bi Nightowl-ghoul

Sometimes emotions spur out without control and overwhelm me -like some other things that have spurred out of control over me-but I´m in control most of the time.

So the answer -I know, I love the suspense- after much consideration, I must admit I miss doing it -and blogging too :P - so today marks my triumphal return to blogging YAY! *applause* thank you, thank you! I´m pretty sorry for not being around lately, but I was never truly gone.

Not much recent in my life, last exams of the semester quickly approaching, last monday had to give a presentation in front of the whole psychology department, shit going on with my grades, apparently teachers missed to grade me some months and due to the low average failed the classes, my principal won´t listen to me and change those grades -friendly advice: don´t ever date your principal- so now I need like a ton of cash to pay for those classes and approve them again, and will have to stay for six more months at school, Yuck.

Tomorrow is going to be a party organized by the school -so no alcohol- and pretty much that´s about it, Oh, and a really bad stuff happened -even worse than grades- but that will be for next post, be sure to check for that one for it´s not going to be visible for a long time.

So to celebrate my return was thinking of a song to add to this post, at first I thought about Chumbawamba´s Tubthumping but thought too much of a one hit wonder, after that I thought about Queen´s We are the champions but I started feeling that was too much nudity for my blog, and IF I start posting nudity it´ll escalate things so fast I´ll be banned from blogger faster than the guy posting nonconsensual sex with goats -sorry, no link there- and for some reason after that I began thinking about "Old McDonald had a farm". But then I came to my senses and remembered a good old song that I learned when starting to learn english back in elementary school

Because let´s face it, it´s incredible, that someone so unforgettable as you, haven´t forgotten I´m still alive.

Love to all
Me

World AIDS Day

2009-12-01T12:02:00.000-08:00

What? you thought I´d miss the chance? NEVER!

Be cool, be sexy, be a f*cking sex machine, be whatever you want to be... just BE SAFE and let´s together say

bi Powka

AIDS is no joke.

WAIT!!

2009-11-18T09:42:00.000-08:00

On Hiatus

Sorry posting takes way too much out of me and not getting as much fun as I once did.

By Heile

Still, maybe I´ll be around, take care.

Under a blue cold moon

2009-11-17T11:00:00.000-08:00

-So we´re settled then -Dzyan typed over his keyboard without anything in particular in his mind - I´ll see you in a couple of hours, see ya then. -of course, after all this a moment of clarification kicked in, the kind of moment when the succession of things that have just happened really sink in and people realize what they did.

-You have a date -said the voice in the back of his head- You haven´t gotten a date in months -that voice, the voice that talks people out of things, the voice that whisper in everyone´s ears to prepare them for the worst, that voice everyone has heard more than once in their lives, it´s voice know to everyone as "self-doubt"- do you think he´ll even like you? what if he gets bored? .

-Shut up you, you know I haven´t payed attention to you in months and I´m not having any of your pessimistic thoughts now -unbeknownst to everyone else, Dzyan usually chats with these voices that spring in his mind every once in while, they usually argue with each other and reach to conclusions over what should be done next, this is also known as insight. Self doubt, even when it´s got a negative connotation is an evolved part of the human brain that grew from the more primitive part called fear, which helps people get away from dangerous situations, but when heard too much can lead to a life of solitude.

And so time passed, he got to his destination on time, sharp as a razor, he sat there and got a message -I´ll get there in 5 minutes- Dzyan however has never been keen to wait sitting, even sitting for classes was an exercise for his will, so he just walked around, 20 minutes elapsed and far away his silhouette was visible at last, it was the silhouette of a remarkably cute 21 year old boy, that even when they have been acquainted for over a year, he didn´t know Dzyan´s secret intimacy with men, Dzyan has always been at an advantage there as for even if his date was hard to recognize as gay he has developed an eye for that and had knew he was from the beginning, they had grown apart because they have been busy over the last few months, however over the last week they had started talking to each other and gotten close enough as to get a date.

-Ed, so glad you got here
-So sorry, wasn´t my intention, I was just...
-Hey, doesn´t matter, you´re here now

Wind was blowing in their faces, weather had been getting colder since the sun came down more than half an hour ago, they took off and started talking, walking the streets, Dzyan has always enjoyed walking, it eases him and makes conversation more pleasant for him. He wondered in his mind how this particular uneventful day free of school and work could´ve become the first date he has gotten in such a long time.

When the weather got even colder they got into a coffee shop, the smell was inviting and the warmth was welcoming, Ed held the door open for Dzyan and insisted on paying for the beverages, which put him a little unease as he had never been treated this way and in fact, was Ed´s role the one he usually assumed during dating. Conversation carried on smooth and without problems, although a little anxiety could be seen in his date, so Dzyan tried on different occasions to calm him down holding his hand and slowing things down so that he didn´t feel uncomfortable. After an hour of this, Dzyan´s legs got once again a little more than restless and he knew he had to start walking again, he didn´t feel the cold for his body was always warm, even today he wore only a plain black t-shirt he couldn´t feel but his blistering temperature, his date however couldn´t stand it, even so, they got out and walked together on the cold, Dzyan was so repentant he couldn´t sit still for a longer time, so to keep Ed warm he went on and hugged him while they walked against the freezing wind, and so their bodies kept warm.

Night was already at it´s peak and they knew they had to make their way to their respective homes, and even while Dzyan made his best effort in leaving Ed off at the nearest bus stop, Ed insisted on walking him to the farthest point he could, so they walked on the street, Dzyan wondered if he should go ahead and try to sweep him off his feet, kiss him then and there with only the moon as their witness, but he refrained, he had already done harm to other people with his recklessness and Ed was special, he wanted to take it slow and make it right, time has always been Dzyan´s worst enemy, seems like he always race against it, like he always wanted to beat time in it´s own game, but time is necessary, time is needed, time is wise.

So when they reached the point where the subway and the bus touch each other they knew they had to part ways, they hugged and thanked each other for everything, and walked their separate ways not before promising to go out some other day, but for now, staying only as friends.

When Dzyan got home, he sent a message on his cell phone to thank once again for the coffee, he has never truly believed in waiting 24 hours for a thank you note when you really are thankful. He laid in bed and glimpsed back on his day, - Ahh -he thought- things like these only happen bi night

Tijuana Makes Me Happy

2009-11-15T11:07:00.000-08:00

Never been to Tijuana actually -way too far up north- but as they say if Mahoma doesn't go to the mountain, then the mountain will go to Mahoma -old mexican saying- which means a little Tijuana came to me, in the way of a concert which was really good, loved it so much I think everyone should listen to it a little at least

Electronic Mexican Music FTW.
Unfortunately the best looking guy around in the whole concert was... -without false modesty- well, yours truly, which makes me wonder which one is more true an affirmation, either I´m too good-looking or I go to the worst places ever to find a guy, and as I don´t think first option is right I´ll try and go to better places.
But that´s not all, on Thursday I got to see THE BAND, the rock n´roll band I´ve loved since I was a teenager with long hair and washed-out jeans -my jeans now are washed-out too but that´s because I wear them too hard, always running, crawling and on my knees (well, not as much as I used to now but...)- The band I love above all things, the one and only AC/DC and god do they still rock, had multiple rock-gasms the same night and if I were a smoker I think a cigar wouldn´t have been enough. So from the Black ice album, I give you "Rock n´Roll Train", which in MY humble opinion -though this post has been everything but humble- it´s one of their best songs b/c they remind me of how they usually played back in the days as opposed by the single "Black ice".

I know a huge difference between genres in music, but who cares. on that same day I´m proud to say I got my graduation picture, so now I have pictures of me wearing a toga with all my friends, which makes me think I´ve never been to a Toga party, wonder if people would attend to that one, so RSVP to me on that.
On bloggers´ news
-It´s sunday after all-
Found two new guys that are starting out, "Ron" how´s a friend to "Brett" :P, and "Ron" IS keeping score so if I were you I´d go there right now. And Ty who promises He´ll be doing tricks for us, I for once want to see that.
Also Pierre came out to his mom and you know, it takes a lot of guts to do that, so go Hi-five him a little, he deserves that and more. Also I haven´t been reading or writing as much as I´d wish, but bear with me a little, I´m ending a part of my life here with school ending and all so have to take some time off once in a while to get it done right, but I always read and appreciate your comments, You ROCK.
Tomorrow no school, no work, but also no gym :( but will have time to myself for a little while, hope I don´t get bored. That´s all for now, take care and Toga, yes? no? talk among yourselves.

Love to all
Me

To Mambam

2009-11-11T21:27:00.000-08:00

May the sun dispel the clouds in your path bringing you light and happiness wherever you might be.

Some days it just seems sun won´t come out and cold will stay forever with us in the eternal winter of our lives. That´s what loved ones are for, they can always hold you close to their chests and bring warm to your heart, hope I could do it.

And to everyone who´s sun is gone and seems it won´t come back, don´t let it bring you down and know that the sun always comes up spreading its light on every shadow. After all, the darkest hour is always just before dawn.

Love to all -specially Mambam-
Me

-sorry, can´t make the sun come out in the UK. but can send you its gentle heat-

Please, Do not feed or tease the animals

2009-11-11T10:34:00.000-08:00

That´s the message in all Zoos, "Don´t feed the animals", it is because the dietary control in those places is quite strict, otherwise we´d have morbidly obese animals at every one of these places -and I can´t imagine the sight of a fat gazelle or giraffe, although to thought of an obese elephant would not perturb my sleep-; besides if people were to start feeding them they´d do so all the time and animals´d become used to asking for food to every visitor they get. Would get up at the sight of a person wishfully thinking food is coming, and when they pass right in front of them without so much as a piece of a candy bar they might get upset, and for the love of me, wouldn´t like to see an upset bear -I´ve seen them "dancing" on bars and they aren´t really that good, but then again, different bears-.

Food is the nourishment of the body, but what really feeds us, what nourishes our souls, what replenishes our love for life, ourselves and the world, are hugs. Hugs lower blood pressure and increase the levels of the neurotransmitter known as Oxytocin, a hug strengthens one´s self-esteem, reassures you, makes you feel close to a person, dispels feelings of loneliness, fights fears, erases traces of doubt, clears your mind, casts-away sadness, brings a smile to your face, lets two hearts beat as one, dries your tears, shares the warmth of two bodies, crashes personal frontiers, replaces words, let´s you close your eyes and dream, dream about a better time, a better place, dream a dream about your loved one and let´s you share it with, right then and there with that one person that makes you feel like the world could end any moment and still you wouldn´t care, all the people around you disappears and time stops, and even if it´s for only one second, you know, you just know the world is yours.

Hugs are like crack to me, I become an addict obsessed with getting my next fix and nothing else matters to me until I get that need satisfied. I´m officially a Hugger Anonimous. I´m in a recovery state, can´t take no one´s hugs, for if today I get one, tomorrow I´ll need two, next day will be four and the day after sixteen, and so on. I´d become so obsessed with hugs I would no longer be interested in anything else, would not give a damn about anything but getting more of them, currently I´m more afraid of getting one than getting a ham-sandwich. So if you don´t want to see me like this

DON´T HUG OR TEASE DZYAN!

Stop the pendulum

2009-11-09T10:58:00.000-08:00

Warning: Don´t read, don´t worry and everything will be OK.

The alarm starts playing the same song I´ve grown to hate for it´s the herald of a new day and the end of the night, my eyes open and everything´s so familiar, wasn´t I awake a minute ago? feels like I just blinked and suddenly it´s already time to get up again, get out of bed or I´ll fall under the weight of my bedsheets and stay for who knows how long. Start walking, limping actually, my ankle complains like a disgruntled employee to a neglecting manager. Grab my new used laptop -it´s new to me anyways- and start it up, light my way to the kitchen with it´s light, leave it in the dinner table and prepare coffee in the darkness -it´s been four months since I do this and feel my way through the kitchen like an expert- open the fridge and get some yogurt out, check mails, drink everything up, get dressed and hit the road.

Outside freezing wind has stopped searing through the air, sun has came out but doesn´t warm, it only burns your skin, feels cold, and even that´s nothing compared with cold I feel inside. Get to the gym to get my daily fix of workout, the only thing that makes me feel something, maybe it´s because of the pain, maybe it´s because of the relief I get after pushing myself to the limit, either ways it makes me feel good. Make small talk with everyone I know, people are usually surprised when I ask them their names and actually remember them, go out of my way to say hello and ask them about issues they have, no longer does anyone know each other names. Get a shower, usually singing or whistling, one can never get too comfortable with his own body and lose inhibitions -everyone is more worried about people watching them naked than they are about checking each other out- but not anymore, no more songs echo in the changing-room, not feeling like singing today. After that is off to work.

At work I just sit there, waiting, waiting for someone to come, those are the good days, otherwise I´ll just sit in front of a computer not doing a thing, eventually I´ll log into facebook and find out that my boss has earned all available trophies from a farming game I dare not play, I´ve noticed he also wins those on weekends so I might say he´s working extra-hours, the poor thing, that might explain why he makes me wait for him to open the door between 10 and 30 minutes outside in the hall while he gets there in the morning. Guess I had higher expectations of the job, thought I would be doing something, anything, turns out, I´m not most of the time. Next thing on schedule: get home eat my meal with the family, food stopped tasting anything more than flavorless gruel a long time ago, my mom is a good cook, I just eat too fast to savor anything, too hungry. Run to catch the bus and get to school.

Hour after hour wasted, could be somewhere else doing something important, not sitting in a classroom listening to teachers´ and students´ senseless conversations that have nothing to do with anything. Only good thing is the human interaction, and even that nowadays it´s just scarce. On my way home my eyes are closing, lights in the subway hurt my eyes, they no longer tolerate it, seen their share already and are ready once again for darkness. Get home, shower -again-, have something to eat and then lay in bed, a new day is´t just a blink away.

Bi Squint

As a new day raises, the cycle begins anew, nothing different, just the same, people may change, but in essence the same and I have to ask myself, how does that make you feel? Thing is, I´ve stopped feeling, Happiness and sadness are just opposite sides of a pendulum, the higher you get on one side it´s just as high as you´ll get on the other, you can´t feel more happiness than sadness, that would just defy the laws of physics.

Might take a while, but the pendulum will get to the other side, it has to, that´s law, the harder you swing it, the highest it´ll get, but it will go the other side just as high and as hard. The only option is to stop this come and go, to stop feeling, this does not come without a price, it always takes it´s toll, creativity lowers, individuality disappears, automatization begins, even walking becomes but a way to get from point A to point B, people gets blended into the scenics and are no longer relevant, cars are seen as obstacles to be avoided and everything seems like in a movie where you only watch but can do nothing about what´s happening.

Stopping emotions fills you with emptiness -now that´s an oxymoron-, emptiness however it´s not a bad thing after all, it´s just nothingness, Zen practitioners try to attain that feeling for years, only difference is they live in the here and now, I live in limbo stuck in time. Good thing about it is no longer do I get hurt, no longer do I feel alone, bad thing, no longer feel joy, with some luck I´ll get that back sometime soon. In the mean time I´ll just stay laying here in complete nothingness, on one hand because it´s more comfortable than start feeling again -needed to get a break from all emotions- and on the other... well, quite simply...

-Still this isn´t dedicated to anyone, it´s just that the chorus fits into this perfectly-

Morning fresh

2009-11-08T21:39:00.000-08:00

Yawwwn, I would like to wish everyone a good morning! alas I can´t, because it´s 11:00 pm. still that doesn´t mean I´ve been awake for more than two hours, and I´ll be going to bed again in about 10 minutes, so I´m taking this moment to post a little.

bi adnrey

However first of all, I´d like to welcome Michaelluke from everyone´s favourite Smutty stuff -which seems to be offline at this moment- and my personal favourite It´s getting better, would like to chat with him soon. Oh and a welcome back to JP who was away :( but came back :) Also was this week was Wolfi´s 17th and Eddieh´s 18th birthday -a blog which I had the luck to find the exact day of his b-day party, how lucky am I?- Also, Landyn´s 19 birthday and I noticed everyone got together to make a nice birthday blog for him, and no one invited me, which makes me really angry

Bi FaceRot

But I did get the chance to wish him a happy birthday on msn. Oh, and Just´s son turned 13, can´t forget about that, sorry I didn´t attend the party, but wasn´t invited :P still, hope he had a wonderful day, sure you couldn´t be any prouder.

Also one of my best friends came back Dave got a new power cord and if it works long enoug I´d like to talk to him -not much anyone can do, sorry ´bout that- but for the most part I´m always available for anyone willing to talk to me-. Also back is AJ which has been away for too long if you ask me.

But also bad news, seems like Ethan might not be blogging anymore, and will stop reading other people´s, Hope he feels better soon and blogs a little more about what´s going on in his life.

Also new to blogging is Jacob which needs to be welcomed to the community so if you get the time go say hi to his blog. Oh, and one old favorite of mine LonelyBoy actually went to his BeLonGTO reunion, I´m so proud of him and you all should be too, if you know him go congratulate him. I love that boy.

Also I´m so glad everyone enjoyed my last post, I was feeling really lonely and sad, somehow that didn´t come across as good as expected.

Well, that´s it for me, I´m turning the equipment over for the night, which has turned out to be really good, playing Ultimate Alliance 2 with some of my friends and my brother on his Wii -yeah, I still get some fun from videogames, but only when around friends- and I´ll be making a real post soon I promise. -well today is still sunday so I felt like making dominical announcements- Hope to see you round soon.

Love to all

Best Friends FOREVER

2009-11-07T07:58:00.000-08:00

When I was a young kid and went to elementary school, no body would play with me -can´t quite put my finger on the exact date but pretty much was at the very beginning-, no one would even talk to me for most of those years, it was sometime around that time that I met her, she used to skip gracefully between everyone, such a grace was almost incorporeal, always smiling seemed like she was mocking everyone all the time, long loose hair, perfect school uniform every time, she came to me and I let her into my life because she seemed the only one interested in playing with me. It seems now to me, we spent most of our time together, she would come to my house and be with me for hours, my parents didn´t see any particular reason why we shouldn´t be together because we always seemed so happy, played along, took long walks and whatever young kids that age usually do. Granted, she wasn´t That fun to be around but she was with me, she kept me companied for long seasons, sometimes we would linger together in big parks, and even if there were lots of kids around us We just kept together, it was such a strong bond no one would ever be able to break, we always managed to find our way back to each other, which really was interesting for at times we kinda grew apart because I got to know some guy at school which I liked and she got mad at me for talking to someone and just went away -well you know how kids are, they can´t be blamed-, but that never lasted long, before I knew it the boy I talked to would go away, find "cool" friends and never even glanced at me again, and then she would return to comfort me, she would hug me, envelop and accompany me.

We were good to each other, she even followed me to the same middle-school, we were always together, seemed inseparable, still it´s so good to find that through such hard times she would never grow tired of my presence, you know how things are at that age, everyone´s so worried about the changes they are going through, but she never got into trouble with no one, I on my behalf wasn´t as lucky which only made Us much closer to each other.

At last I went into high-school, was a weird time, got to meet so many people, so many that I almost completely forgot about her, must admit that -as selfish as it might seem- I never got the time to think about her, she would phone sometimes but I told everyone I didn´t want to talk to her, when she knocked on my door I would hide and fake no one was home, my parents asked about her once or twice but I just didn´t know how she was doing -yeah, I´m really not a nice guy-, but never as much as missed. Now whenever I got into trouble Igot to fight my fights and seemed that people had my back covered, no use being around anyone that couldn´t so much as help me beat people up.

Not so long ago she came back, convinced me to start making this blog thingy because I was having so much trouble in my life and I could not post a thing so far because I have been spending so many time with her -and when I´m with her time just seem to past right through me-, I owe to her so many things, so many problems, so many hours of boredom, so many tears, so many long nights, so many friendless years, so many... so many it looks as if I´m destined to send the rest of my life with her, today I look back and realize she never did went away, she was just waiting for her exact moment to make her glorious comeback, most of my friends know about her, know our history together, they know we don´t get along so good and even if they try and stop me from meeting her again their efforts are thwarted by my best efforts to get in touch with her, they really worry about me but I just choose not to pay any heed to their advice, they would call to advice me better but I just choose to not answer their phone calls and turn my phone off. Don´t know why I do it but at times I just need to be with her to remember all our best times, and rejoice in her presence, she seemed to make all my problems go away...when I was a kid, now I´m no longer a kid, I thought she would go away when I grew up, I thought when I met people I would no longer need her being here, I thought I would no longer have to suffer from her presence, and what´s worst, I thought I wouldn´t seek her again, run into her arms, let her swallow me, let her shroud me with her mantle.

Maybe she´ll be with me until the very last of my days on earth, even if I try to get away from her, she always finds her way back. Now I don´t get a rest from her, she follows me, follows me into my very dreams and torture me in them, can´t get a good night sleep, can´t get no rest, can´t get away.

I still remember our first conversation at school, when I was younger, sitting at the limits of the play-yard watching other kids run and play joyfully, screaming and running as all kids do. She appeared out of the blue, jumped into my back and gave me a reassuring smile, asked my name and then went on to introduce herself "don´t worry Dzyan, I´ll always be with you, my name is Loneliness".

Dia de muertos... well...not anymore, but still

2009-11-03T21:19:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I've been meaning to make this post all day long and haven't been able to do so, have been busy with work and designing an intervention plan on low-selfsteem patients, yeah I know not an excuse, but I do this as my hobby so now that have the time will tell you a little about the day before, it was completely awsome!! spent the whole day on the street, been years since I last celebrated Día de muertos and the wait was totally worth it.

First got to be at a small exhibition about skulls, now, we usually paint skulls with the names of our deceased and put them at an altar, usually they're made of sugar or a new variant -introduced about 10 years ago- chocolate, however this ones where made of cardboard and given to various artists to decorate, they look like this

There were even more -like 30 of these- and they all looked incredible -yeah, mexicans and ours skulls (calaveras) can't get enough of them- the first one is one that enjoy a whole bunch, it has written on its forehead "I'm in paradise...and with lots of time to enjoy it", second one's got flowers coming out of its eyes, which are the yellow flowers with which we decorate offerings, also has got a demon and an angel playing by the side of a flower-made cross. Third one has got an angel coming out of its left eye and a demon coming out of its mouth, decorated with a crown of leaves and smaller skulls, last one is my brother's favorite, it looks like it's made of dirt and a small branch is coming out of it, they all have their own meaning, but I'll figure them out. There are more of these but those where the ones I liked the most.

On the evening we went to get a look at Ofrendas made by university students, this year they were all made in honor of Edgar Alan Poe, so they all had something related to him in one way or another, they had quotes from his books and scenes too, what really impressed me was this one skull

You see all the colors and the small crow in the tree, that's just awesome, the floor filled with smaller calaveras, it's just great. Now I realize it must be weird reading about someone so excited writing about death and skulls and offers for death people, but that's just tradition over here, you can't stop death, but don't need to be afraid of it, or maybe it's because we're afraid of death that we make jokes about her.
Funny thing though, all this comes from a mixture of aztec traditions and Christianity brought by spanish people, Aztecs were used to bring sacrifices to their Gods -yeah, we used to offer the hearts of people to Gods, but it was an honor to die in such a way, not a torture like many people think and offerings where selected to a few, not war prisioners, they were turned into slaves- and along came the spanish, Gods changed, rules changed, sacrifices changed, now instead of the blood and heart of a human sacrifices became flowers, bread, candies and chocolate and most important of all gold. So tradition's the same, similar sacrifices, different God.
So in short, Yesterday was great, so good not even the Catrina -that's how we call Death and it's a she- lost it

And of course "El Pan de muerto" -death bread- couldn't be missing for this much expected occasion. Have more photos but as I'm running out of Scotch-tape will have to save them for the next post, right now I'm just really falling asleep. So I'll catch you soon.

Love to all
Me

Thriller...Thriller night

2009-11-02T07:13:00.000-08:00

Today is Día de Muertos :) This is my favourite holiday of the year, it even beats Christmas -well I never get anything, I´m always a naughty boy- and Día de la Independencia -which is mostly a reason to get drunk-, no, this tradition involves celebrating life, and I´m good at that, not many people enjoy life as much as I do and would advice everyone to do so, the how is quite easy, loving what you do and doing what you love it´s always a good way to start. Also is a day to remember departed ones, not in a sad way, but think of them and leave them an Ofrenda -Offering (no, not human hearts, we left that one tradition a little time ago, or did we???)- in which we place a picture of the dead, decorate it with flowers, light a whole bunch of candles -to lighten their way back to this world- and lay the table full of food the departed loved in life -yeah, mexicans love food- for this is the day dead people come back and play with the living. Also streets are filled with skulls and bones, so how can you go wrong with Día de muertos?

Bi bonnfire

So what does this also mean? No school today, and what else? No work :) couldn´t be happier. As today I had nothing to do yesterday I couldn´t be bothered to get-off of bed, was freezing my ass at -don´t laugh- 15º c (59ºf) and decided that no one could bother me to get up, so I slept most of the day. Ah, and party was fun, didn´t get to see my ex a lot so spent it with my brother and some good friends.

I will ave to excuse myself as in my last post I told everyone I had two new followers but didn´t write about them so I´ll have to correct this now, also add my newer reader :) all of which couldn´t make me happier. So here we go Eeyore -aka Ben- from Gay Mid-schooler, must say I´m a follower of his blog for some time now and like it a lot -though you have too much drama for such a small boy dear boy-, Biki who´s got two blogs: Life on a Printed Plane and Unscheduled Scenic Routes, well...she also has third blog, but that one´s private. Wait, did I say she?? Yes, my first follower that´s a laday :D most welcomed, and Schnellie -schnell? Ich frage mich, ob er so schnell wie er vorgibt zu sein :P - from The Fashion Monster, a really good place with good music and image selection, alas is in german. Thank you all for reading along.

So long day ahead of me -long as I have nothing planned to do, but I´ll definitely won´t spend the day grounded at home- let´s get it started shall we?

Love to all
Me

Thanks

2009-10-31T16:30:00.000-07:00

I just don´t know how to thank all the acceptance I´ve been getting lately, thank you all, you´ve made this guy a happy guy, thanks all for your kind comments, however there are a few things that must be clarified, Aek, you´ve known me almost since I started doing this blogging thing, should know by know that trying to understand me it´s too hard, don´t understand me just love me :P and that goes to everyone, also it´s not that I don´t like how I look, but rather that I don´t have a picture I like -also I don´t have many as my fb account can testify- and to Brett, if it were for me you could call me "boyfriend" but whatever you like to call me will do :)

It´s incredible how little I manage to accomplish when I have nothing to do, not much to do at work and even less at school, on thursday I beat-up myself because instead of staying and talking to Ethan I went to school and wasted my time doing absolutely nothing -terribly sorry hun- and... Whoa, whoa, whoa, are my eyes betraying me? Is this true? I have 50 followers, my goodness, when I started doing this never thought I´d get so many people following this, it´s not because 50 people read my blog -there are a little more actually- but that 50 guys aren`t ashamed of following my train of thought, and that´s so weird. Thank you so much everyone -how many times have I said this post alone? think I´ll never get to say it enough :) -

Ok, so today it´s Halloween so if you´re going out -or have already gone out- I hope you get a lot of fun and find yourselves a good custome, it´s been years since last I dressed up and went to a party, however today it´s the birthday parties´ of both my former boyfriends, one is on the beach and I got invited, have no money and couldn´t make it, my ex insisted to pay for me -again- but no, will not go, but will have to go to his party next week on a bar near-by -was in fact menaced to get a failing grade in my class-. The other party I wasn´t invited until twenty-four hours before the party, so now I have to go, last year I didn´t and if I don´t this year it will just be a bad friend on my behalf.

Agh, hate when I don´t update this blog for days as so many important things happen and yet I don´t want to make a 14 page post that might make wish everyone to cut-off their wrists. But in a vain try to sum some things, had to talk to a friend because his mom found out his dad was cheating on him, I have never been in that situation so I don´t know how to better help him, so if anyone has any insiders tips please help. Also lots of conferences about how to go prostitute oneself -how to ask for a job- at school, they bore the heck out of me. On friday had to teach a class and had absolutely NO idea what it was, named MANOVA for variable analysis :S, which turned out rather OK, considering half-an-hour before the class I had absolutely no idea what it was or how it worked. Also I found out Drew doesn´t like me which has come as much of a shock to me :(

Also as you might notice I changed a little my layout, hope you like it. Have a happy holiday, I know I will because after Halloween comes Día de los muertos, a day I truly love -actually two days, one for kids, one for grown ups that died- because it´s a day we don´t mourn their deaths, it´s a day we celebrate their lives. Well, have to go get ready to a party, so I hope to catch you again soon.

Aaah, but first go check this blog where Peter writes, he´s thinking of coming out to everyone and needs some advice, so if you have the time go give him some words for the wise :)

Smell ya later

Love to all
Me

Starting over

2009-10-28T22:49:00.000-07:00

Welcome, come on in and make yourselves at home, this has always been a place for me to be completely open, to open up my mind, and be myself, sometimes it´s not that interesting, some other times it´s not even interesting at all, but nonetheless I keep on writing. But in order to be completely honest, not only with you, but with myself, I must get something out of the way before I´m able to keep on doing it -writing- and thanks to recent events this coming out has been made simpler to me, but to be honest I wanted to do this from a loooong time ago but couldn't gather the strength to do it. Might not be something so big for you, but to me it´s a HUGE deal as it is MY life.

OK, the deal is this, I´ve never lied to you, my name IS Fer, but it´s not -huh??- fact is, that´s my grandfather´s and my father´s name, they relate to that name as they have always been called that way, but not me, I don´t like that name, it´s my name also but I don´t feel it like mine. MY name, I mean the name I answer to, the name that belongs to me, the name that makes me who I am is actually THIS. And that´s how I´ll be referring to myself from now on, because I can´t be someone I´m not, even if I tried to be stay low-profile I just can not, not even to protect my own privacy. So there, this is me being at my MOST honest, I just can't lie, I suck at lying, I guess I lost practice over the years, maybe it's just that I have nothing to fear, whatever happens I'll take it.

So in order to celebrate this confession -one that has made me really nervous and feel utter unease- I´m making some adjustments to my blog -this is also because I get bored easily- so I hope you keep enjoying this and have a space in your heart for me, even if I change my blog, my face or my name.

The reason I changed my address is because I realize now I´m not Lovelessinmexico, when I named my blog I was going through a lot, and I mean a LOT, now I´ve met people that love me, people that make me feel loved and I love back, this is the main reason of my new URL, however I´ll be keeping my e-mail address and the name of my blog, this because I like it and makes me remember my humble origins and I am a maudlin guy.

-Ah, yes, I still owe you a picture, but I don´t like many of my pictures and haven´t found any that reflects who I am on the internet, but I assure you I´ll get one soon-

Love to all
Me

I like it Smooth

2009-10-26T17:26:00.000-07:00

As regular readers might know already I´m addicted to Followers, to know people might actually read what I have to say makes my heart feel like jumping up and down -but I rather suffer this heart attack than having no followers at all- and on this occasion I have the pleasure of having as followers two exact same opposites, a man that every reader recognizes and loves for his literary style and needs no introduction what so ever -and still it would be an insult not to give him one- Dr. Mandragora from Sine Logicum and a Completely new blogger Cooper -very welcomed to blogtown- from Cooper´s Corner, so let´s make him feel welcomed and go say hi to him :) -actually I tried to be his first Follower but Just beat me to it (course you Just! COURSE YOU!!)-.

Ok, so now that I´ve managed to get down from the table and do a little "new follower" victory dance I have to tell you about something I´ve discovered from direct observation at the guys at the gym, MY dad showed me how to do this when I was 7, by 15 started doing it once a week, when I turned 17 had to do it every other day and by 19 it turned into a daily routine. Still guys don´t actually know how to do this correctly. If you haven´t started yet you will and should learn how to do it correctly as it´s part of the whole being born a Man, if you already do it just check it out too, you might learn a thing or two.

Shaving is not a science, but don´t do as this jack-a$$ and do it in as many stokes as possible until you can do it in only one otherwise you´ll end up with a shaved face and an irritated skin. This becomes part of the morning routine of every man eventually, just like combing or brushing your teeth. Now if what you want is a clean, smooth appearance elsewhere then I found this one too, -Ok, I know it´s a Gillete commercial, but I´m pretty sure you can get the same outcome from any other brand:

So any ways, hope this help men everywhere, and if it didn´t at least it didn´t hurt either.

-This public health service has been brought to you by your reliable friend at Loveless Incorporated.-

Love to all
Me

The grass is greener on this side

2009-10-24T21:41:00.000-07:00

Yay posting, feels like ages since my last one, I won´t lie to you, what´s commonly referred as brain, in this particular moment to me would come in as handy as a paper-weight. Feels like it would only help me for two things, nothing and the same -that´s actually an old mexican saying-. Today I got out of my test just in time to get to my brother´s birthday party, that unfolds itself as I´m writing this, just taking the time-off to write a couple of lines and talk to some really important guys I have the privilege of knowing.

Certification test was not as hard as I thought it would be -maybe it´s just that I´m way smarter than I give myself credit for (yeah, right)-, however, if I never again read a text that starts "An 11 year old boy has got problems in school..." and has the audacity to continue with "his parents don´t care about his health" and/or "he´s been administered 1001 psychological tests and his results are as follow..." and even after all that information they dare asking
"would you:
a) give him treatment
b) pat the parents on the shoulders
c) send him to a mental-institution
d) give him a sandwich -not a ham one that is- and a hug."
Well, not really that obvious, but the thing is some questions were like really obvious if you read the questions and not made questions on your own mind, and what does all the information have to do with the question anyways???

So today I´m a little tired, actually got to sleep for half-an-hour even when there´s a party all around me, but was feeling SO frustrated I had to go to the first gym I stumbled into and guess it was mature gay hour, but didn´t realize that until well after I had payed, changed outfit and done like an hour of good work-out -yeah, I thought it was weird when while I was changing that guy was staring at me while naked and kept watching me for a good whole minute, but was too busy minding my own business to notice after a while- but it was like three o´clock in the afternoon, how was I to know? you might think, Oh what you complaining about? well, for one thing, those guys were from ages ranging from 40 to 60, and I´m not into mature guys -respect them as I may I´m not into that and my respect to them ends where their respect to me starts- and on the other hand they were creepy muscles mountains, they looked alright if you´re into cross-generation, mature, bears and/or leathers, but I´m not, and this creepy guy comes my way and starts trying to make conversation, sure, I´m always in for a good conversation but after a while noticed he was really staring at me in the weirdest most uncomfortable fashion and had to put some distance between us, so went to the changing rooms and started getting my street clothes, got them on and the moment I´m getting my backpack he enters and blocks the entrance with his body, keeps up with the light-occasional talk, I´m thinking, need to get out of here someway or another, so he starts getting his clothes off, asking "and what are you doing tonight" now I knew that was my cue, so I told him I was going to go celebrate my brother and sister and I was kinda in a rush so got between the little space he left between his body and the door and got to slip away not without having to scape from the grasp of his hand with all the strength and agility I could muster at the moment, so I don´t know what he was about but wasn´t staying to find out.

So people respect each other, we´re all civilized here. Gotta crash now, last two days been really tiring and need to get some rest now. Take care of yourselves and don´t be strangers, keep in touch.

Love to all
Me

Burning down the House

2009-10-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

First let me assure you no one was in any real harm and anything of value was lost.

Next and to bring to life an old tradition... I want to thank my speechless commentators Aek and Aaron, I think I still have the ability to leave people in a perplexed stupor :) And to billy for his comment too, I'm always glad to hear from new people, thanks to everyone. And a warm welcome to new follower Barry from The Irish Oriental Garden come on in and make yourself at home. Oh! also I haven't had the chance to read a lot of posts lately -I'll explain this in a minute- but I heard Dave has reached the milestone of 50 posts, a great hug -wherever he might be- and all my love to him, so go and congratulate him NOW!

For those of you that never pay attention to my shout-outs and for those who just returned from congratulating Dave I have to explain something, I kinda "accidentally" set fire to my kitchen. It all started this morning with a call to my cell-phone while I was at the gym -morning? I thing it's called morning once the sun comes up, still it was really early- telling me I had to go make even more surveys, and being the diligent worker that I am -or rather the good friend that I am- gathered all my things and came home running, took the ham-sandwich my mom made for me this morning and left it in a pan to let it toast -love when the cheese gets grilled and the crunching sound of white-bread when you bite through the toasted crust and the smell of hot ham, mmh, I think I'm having an orgasm- after that, I realized I was coming out of the subway and couldn't eat with my hands dirty -bad habits you gain while studying bacteriology- at the bathroom I realized I need to take care of some business, so I went, realized my jeans were dirty from the day before and had to change them, while I had my pants down -alone- noticed my legs needed some cream, while thinking of cream it made me remember the last time I had a coffee, yeah, I was checking up some papers from school, school, that made me go back a day to the class I was having where I needed to make some homework I think I did but wasn't sure how my grades were doing so turned on the computer to go check my grades at the school's web-page, in the mean time I notice a subtle scent in the air, which makes me remember how hungry I am, at that exact moment I took a key out of the pocket of the jeans I'm just sliding up my legs, Where is this key from? so I start trying to remember the last place I was with those jeans on, yeah, it was the gym, it must be the key to some locker, I had just come from the gym and that reminds me I'm hungry, at that point I recognize the odor lingering in the air, it is the aroma of a sandwich, one which I remember I was craving, one which remember I was thinking of eating, one which I remember I left IN THE PAN!

So while I run to the kitchen -with my pants still unbuckled- see more light than usual coming out of the kitchen's threshold, so got there running and with a towel start putting off little fires in the room, luckily, nothing more than a couple of plastic recipients where lost and everyone was safe and I assure you it's the last time I eat quickly-cumbusting sandwiches.

OK, OK, I might be a little spacial right now, but I've got a good reason, a mighty powerful reason might I add. On Friday it's my certification exam, so if I ever want to practice as a licensed psychologist I must pass this exam, now don't get me wrong, I know I'm good at what I do -all false modesty aside- but take an exam that will test more my memory of the last four years than my actual knowledge will be a little more fustigating, that is because the test will be divided into two days in which three four-hour tests will be administered, one on friday's evening and two on saturday, for this I will need a little luck and a whole lot of patience.

Anddddd that's not the worst part, the down part of this all is that on Friday will be the birthday of my brother and my sister, they were both born on October 24 with a slight difference of twelve years, the same day! that's just a wonderful coincidence as they weren't see-sectioned, and I won't be able to attend to neither party, :( my sister will have lunch with all his friends from school and the rest of the family on friday right after school, and my brother will have his on saturday at the same time with his friends here, mean while I'll be stuck in school with a boooring exam. Hate that. So yeah, I'm really pissed off, also on saturday is a race I wanted to run, but as I have no ankle for that that just sucks. Hope I'll be bringing some good news soon, at least the grade at my test. Wish me patience!! -I really need it- :D
Oh, and never trust a sandwich -not a ham one at least-

Love to all
Me

Dante got it wrong

2009-10-20T11:14:00.000-07:00

Dante Alighieri, though a master in his own right, made while writing his novel entitled "Divina Commedia" an unforgivable mistake, it is written in such book -which relates the story of Dante and his travel through Hell, Purgatory and Heaven (whether you believe or not in such places is not the matter of discussion)- that upon the threshold of Hell is inscribed "abandon all hope ye who enter here", when in fact upon said threshold is written in glowing letters a far more terrifying inscription, one that makes the most brave man shake in his boots, one so terrible that it´s only sight not only makes people "abandon all hope", but in fact it makes them wish -if they haven´t yet- wish never had been born; thus it prepares them for the worst and far beyond, those words are, in fact, the very utterances you hear every time you know life as you know it has finished, the must dreadful line in the world: "I have something to tell you".

However such an omission should not be credited to Dante, as it was in fact a publicity stunt from his editor, as he knew no man would ever read such book, for men are truly terrorized at the very sight of them, still credit where credit is due, he convinced Dante to change the eight circle of Hell -to MY good-luck- from the place where humorless entertainers -such as graceless court jesters, bad writers, modern days politicians and me- where laid to spend eternity into the more poetically -but not totally unrelated- one described as the circle of Fraud. Now to this change Dante only agreed after negotiating that God should be portrayed as a fully naked woman with a roasted pork in one hand and a glass of wine in the other -this however was changed in the final version by his editor too, and being replaced for a glowing orb of luminescent light (all this unbeknownst to Dante of course)-, meanwhile the only thing the book could think about was how with its new acquired nudity scenes that may lead to casual sex and demons would make him way cooler than his older brother "La vita nouva" where a guy falls in love with a girl that dies, that would show him. -oh, and there´s also no nudity, it´s the thirtieth century what were you expecting?"

But back to the topic that concerns us, the words "I have something to tell you" on their own have nothing inherently evil nor harmful, they could in fact become the beginning of a pleasant conversation in a nice coffee house near a Parisian boulangerie, or at the hall of an all girl school in the middle of recess, this however is only when the conversation is between two human beings that have reproductive organs on the inside rather than on the outside. Alas, for men while listening or producing it, such a phrase -generally accompanied with a frown and spoken with disdain- never precedes a memorable moment.

Usually, when given to someone the we-need-to-talk liner the look on their faces becomes a freshly made masque of clay that has just been poured with water, eyes sink, eyebrows fall, mouth slowly opens and cheeks hang from the sides of the face. However if the one on the receiving end is your own person , this sentence of doom -one which the most cruel and sadistic judges would never dare to say-, the earth around your feet seems to become quicksand trapping them and making it completely impossible to run away, heart shrink and sinks into the innermost part of the chest, lungs seem to loose their ability to draw fresh air and muscles tighten to the point of producing an overall pain that paralyzes the rest of the body and renders the listener into a torpor-like state that completely deactivates all defensive mechanisms available to that person and makes him just *sit and listen*.

Throughout the life of your most humble narrator, the need of saying the afore mentioned line -which shall not be repeated for the sake of the men of all around the world reading- has only presented itself two times -besides the one in which his parents were to realize of his "different" sexual inclinations- and neither were, on their own rights pleasant for anyone. One of such involved the breakage of a "love" relationship, the other one however was one in which results were more of a life changing experience. One in which, as happens to many people, our hero discovered that his true calling was not that of being inside a laboratory studying bacteriology and opted -despite the hatred that it might´ve bred in all his family- become but an adept of a more gentle discipline that is known as psychology -for to all lights and if we must be honest to each other, it´s not by far a science-.

So men of all races, colors and flavors, be Afraid. Beware of anyone that might come up to you and say such an unbearable phrase, don´t ever use it lightly, words have power, and those words, said in that exact same order have the power to scare sleep, shatter dreams and make the earth quake. Next time you hear it RUN, run as fast as your legs can, if someone is holding you by an extremity my recommendation is this: bite it off like trapped coyotes!, you might survive with one less arm, but broken hearts take more time to heal, and when ripped from the chest by the person you love the most it stops the world from spinning.

When was the last time you used it?
Love to all
Me

P.S. I must warn I might not have crossed referenced "some" information posted here so I might end up in the eight hell either ways

My big 50 or How I grew up and could no longer fit in the closet

2009-10-18T11:40:00.000-07:00

Today is a date of celebration as I´ve done fifty posts already, fifty more posts than I thought I could be able to do four months ago. Now, if you´ve been a follower of this blog for more than two days, you might now that I´m all about celebrating special occasions so thanks to my dear old friend FMS decided the topic to celebrate this milestone for me would be the day I came out to my parents. Good friends of mine have been coming out to their own parents for the last two weeks, Phil, Liam, Jason, Brett, FMS, to mention some brave guys that had the balls recently to achieve this deed. Also I thought about doing this post a whoooole lot of time ago, but could never get around to do it, maybe for the better, it I would´ve done it sooner the result would´ve probably been: "I towlkt, hogged... uuuhm... towlkt some more and then wi left". So yeah, I´ve improved a little in my writing and redaction, but still have a long way to go, but please be patient with me.

It all started a Thursday evening on July, over 14 weeks ago -wow, it´s scary how life can twist and turn in a three and a half months period and still keep perfectly still in so many ways- had tried to come to my parents since the weekend, but the condition wasn´t the ideal one, mood at home was flinging from extreme happiness to extreme conflict -as it usually swings around here-, shocking news can´t be brought to a conversation when conflict is abound for people would use them as a scape goat, but they can neither be discussed in times of extreme happiness or people would just hate your guts for breaking their scarce gleeful times. But that morning and that time was just perfect, my sister was at school, and my brother was sleeping, as he´s a sound sleeper I knew I had an hour to have a decent conversation with my parents, one which wouldn´t be too lengthy as he´d wake up to go to work and even if things happened to get ugly and shouts started happen my brother wouldn´t wake up -hell, he wouldn´t wake up even if his bed was on fire and Nero was playing his violin by his side-.

Mom and dad were drinking coffee like every morning, and watching morning news like every morning, I had woken up one hour earlier and drank myself some coffee and made up a bag foreseeing...well, the worst and waltzed right to the living room, walked to the TV set, turned it off and pronounced the most feared phrase available in any language "We need to talk". My parents were really worried for only one time before I had had the need to say such a scary line, and it also changed our lives -but that´s a story for another time-. Mom said Uh-oh this is going to be important, Dad said OK let´s talk, ha, couldn´t see what was coming his way. This is how conversation unfolded.

Me: I need to tell you some things, our relationship has been on the rocks for some years now, I realize I am to fault for I have kept all my life a secret to you -I am a really private person in my life, and you for bad or for worse have a first row sit to my innermost thoughts- and I think it´s time we talk a little about what my life´s become, I realize that if I were to die right now or anything would come to happen to me you´d know absolutely not a clue of what my life is.

I most tell you some things that you might not like but are truth nonetheless and I hope you come to accept them for they are who I am.
First, I broke up with my last girlfriend in November, I never did mention her to you before but would if things would´ve gotten more serious.
I have drank beer, I drink it with my friends at parties or clubs but have never in my life gotten drunk.
I´ve never done drugs though I have friends that use them -at that moment had to stop for I needed to gather some bravery to tell them the REAL reason I needed to talk to them which my dad took as his cue to start with a speech of his own-
Dad: Listen son, I know I´ve tried to get to know you better but you always push us awa... -at this moment I raised my hand signalling him to stop-
Me: Wait, I´m not done, -he was just puzzled, he knew something BIG was coming, I never go to the extent of directing the conversation-, andddd as I was saying I´ve got a boyfriend
Dad: a...awha...what?
Me: A BOYFRIEND dad, and it´s not the first one, and it´s not a phase, I´ve been attracted to guys ever since I was 14. -my dad was left trying to think of something to say, mouthing of un-audible thoughts that past speeding through his mind, with his gaze stuck to the table-
Mom: I kinda suspected it -not because I´m overly evident, in fact other than subtle hints given away when I´m talking to girls or gays (or my pride bracelet now) you could never tell me apart, at this I started smirking for I was reminded of the time my mom walked into my room without knocking the door, slamming the door and catching my ex and me spooning on my bed while trying to get some sleep, of course if she had gotten inside fifteen minutes earlier she would´ve catch us forking, suddenly the angry tone in her voice was gone and a more worried one took its place, the topic was never mentioned and she was left to rationalize the event into whatever she thought would be more fitting, also she might´ve found it more odd since I never acted as guilty-.
Me: Well, I just thought you should know this because you are my parents and I love you, and if you would want, I would gladly talk about it with you openly so we can all live with this as a family.
Dad: -Dad is a man that always always always have something to say and he prides himself over that, even if it´s to point out the obvious he´ll talk (which gets annoying over the years but that´s who he is and he makes a point every time he´s got a chance that he´s not changing), so his silence was really getting to me, that and the fact that his whole face was white started worrying me, he´s got heart issues which only worsened after that day-...I just don´t know what to say...
Me: You could say you love me
Dad: Of course I love you! of course... -he stood up and went for a hug, he hugged me as hard as he could for as long as he could until he realized my mom was behind him waiting for her turn at a hug, all three of us crying now-
We love you so much, you´re our son and this does not changes anything.
But...are you sure about this
Me: Completely
Dad: But there is a lot of discrimination, and people usually hates gay people, and and...
Me: But I´m strong dad, and I´m a grown up now
Dad: Listen, I know that being gay is not a bad thing, but I´ve got friends that get treated really bad by their peers, also HIV is always an issue with them
Me: Dad, I take care of myself, always had. -People usually relates homosexuality with HIV for some reason, such a wrong perspective always infuriates me-
This actually went on for some time, Dad tried to convince himself that what I was going through was not as bad as people usually imagine it being on the outside, I just reassured him for that´s what he needed the most
Dad; and you told your brother?
Me: He knows -he once while trying to turn off my computer watched some porn left there for everyone to see (What? is my computer, and my room, I would think people have the decency of not touching my stuff while I´m out, and I knew this because my brother told his best friend and his best friend happened too be my boyfriend at the time)-,
Dad: and your sister?
Me: Nope, not yet.
Dad: please don´t tell her, she´s in that age...
Me: I won´t
Dad: OK son we love you
Me: and I love you.

Aaaah, the memories, if I could go at it again I wouldn´t change a thing about it. Our relationship has somewhat improved, and my dad´s heart condition has gotten a lot better, now he´s on a diet and has lost 10 kg, my mom´s still as cold as always, but that´s just how he is and I talk to her about things I could´ve never talked to her before, like when people that go on TV that are really ugly or how ugly they dress and actually make her laugh -well, I´ve learned stuff the lasts three and a half months-. And oddly enough my dad was watching this morning "In or Out" rather attentively to see what he could catch on "different lifestyles".
So as a glance back, things have improved, now I´m me, I can be myself and don´t have to hide any more, I haven´t introduced any bfs to my parents but I don´t know how they would handle it, of course, now I had to get one first to introduce them to each other. Hope this helps anyone that´s trying to decide whether they should come out or not. And as I always say,
"A life lived without being yourself is like a song that´s not heard, worthless"
Love to all
ME

I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

2009-10-17T14:32:00.000-07:00

Well, As Brett showed me his, now I have to show you mine

By JustBLD

But first thanks to all you guys that worry for me and my family, your good wishes and prayers have made my sis feel better with just a good night sleep, still have to take care of her and be careful not to develop the same thing she is, but for now everything is just fine :) Oh, also today is Doug's birthday so go and wish him a good day while you're at it. and you should also congratulate Brett too if you haven't yet, he just came out to his mom, Hooray for Moms!! :D

Ok, So Brett showed me his on Thursday but I didn't get the chance to post about this until today because a lot of stuff was happening, but today I had the chance to take a picture, you know, needed to get the right light, sometimes it hangs too low so you got to push them up again which people in the street find amusing. Also I've been showing mine since Monday for everyone to see, and quite frankly at first it got me feeling really self-concious, people staring at you, I just knew something was amiss and was preparing to get insulted by people as not many guys wear theirs at plain sight -that's right, they usually cover it- well, not my case, I'm just proud of what I've got.
And as the days went by I just started noticing guys -specially- who were particularly interested in the sight I was providing -and really, who am I to deprive people from a sight of me?-. Actually today I wore it out and proud and a friend to whom I'm not out yet stared at it at every chance he got -out of the corner of his eye- but didn't say a thing -can't ask him for much, he's just shy (and really unattractive)- however it was still weird, even gave me the suspicious eye, I'm not about to come out to him yet, let him just wonder, that way it'll be less of a blow to him.
I know you must be saying: "Show it all ready!!!" but I'm just a huge teaser, so with out further ado, here's what your mouth has been watering about since you started reading:
TA-CHAN

My pride Bracelet, YAY! just what you were thinking about, weren't you?
Oh, and my hand, also while were're at it I'll show you my other arm.

My sister did that one for me, and if you look closely it has got a button to open and wear as a necklace :) I wear it all the time, Oh, and in case you were wondering about the black and white one, I usually have one just so I can exchange it with someone for one of his/hers and have something to remember them by, love to wear bracelets and have done it for the last three years now.
So here are mines, now let's see yours.
L.ve to all
Me

P.S. next post is really important to me, so be sure you catch it

Out of the frying pan into the fire...Updated

2009-10-16T17:29:00.000-07:00

About two hours ago my baby sister got home from school feeling a feeling a little sick, half an hour ago I got from school -a great waste of my time-, and she was feeling much much worse with chills and high-temperature, so my parents started suspecting it´s swine-flu -AH1N1- tried getting her tested, but as she was getting dressed she passed out, so now I`m home alone serving as ground-control, receiving calls from my parents about the situation and updating the rest of the family, tough moment here. Damn it all!

**Update**
So it´s been five hours since I posted and what´s changed so far? nothing, my sister went to get a test at a health center and only their answer was: "we don´t have what it takes to make tests, nor any other part of the country, so we´ll just have to wait and see, if by sunday she doesn´t get better it might be H1N1" WTF?? So let´s hear it for mexican public services, F*çking idjets. Tomorrow she was going camping with her scout group, was an important day for her as she was going to get promoted to... whatever the next group they have for 15 yo girls. Maybe next time, still, I´m her big brother and worry about her. Thanks for your good wishes, really appreciate them.
Love to all
Me

65 Questions of Doom

2009-10-16T10:25:00.000-07:00

OK, So I saw this at Octavius´ blog -Here- who traced it back to JC whom, in turn traces it back to Nigel. So here are my answers:

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
I shampoo the moment I get in the shower, rinse, and repeat on end, What? it says so on the instructions label.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Red

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
*Remembering, Remembering* Hell NO!

4. Do you plan outfits every day?
I actually have a very good system for planning my outfit, I get up with my eyes still closed and grab the first thing that comes into reach, so I have good days and have days I have to get back from work running for another shirt -this is in fact true-

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
I feel like dancing ; ) -refer to question 18-

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
Mmmh, let´s see, Oh, a brochure on STD´s

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?

I usually don´t dream, but in the last one my brother brought himself a 16 wheeler and became a trucker :P

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Not new, but I got to know him a little better :)

9. What are you craving right now?
A cup of coffee

10. Do you floss?
No, I use moth wash

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Bad memories childhood memories

12. Are you emotional?
Not at all, I´m a rock... well, the name of the blog is "the maudlin story of a bisexual boy" and I just happen to be that bisexual boy, so pretty self-explanatory

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Nope... I don´t think I´ve ever even counted to a hundred

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
I lick it, oh how I lick, but after a while I just start sucking, and if it turns out good enough I might bite it a little : P wait, what were we talking about?

15. Do you like your hair?
I do, but I´d love to have it a little longer

16. Do you like yourself?
I love myself, with all my ups and downs

17. Would you go out to eat with George Bush?
No, why would I ever? would you eat with my aunt Petunia? I think she´s just as relevant

18. What are you listening to right now?
Mika´s Love today

19. Are your parents strict?
Weren´t until I turned 12

20. Would you go sky diving?
I would love to sky dive but I´m afraid I would not unfold the chute on time

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Only with fruit, and maybe enchiladas, Mmmh enchiladas.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
No, but I would like to meet some celebrities from blog-world

23. Do you rent movies often?
No, I watch very few movies and the ones I do I get them on HBO

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Besides my eyes? No

25. How many countries have you visited?
Only the USA once when I was 7

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
What you thing I was born as a 21 yo guy? -though oddly enough it is somewhat true.-

27. Ever been on a train?
No, but not a train guy, I would love to get into a plane again, last time I was in one I was on my way back from the USA

28. Brown or white eggs?
Neither, I deeply HATE eggs

29. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes, an old one that used to belong to my brother

30. Do you use chap stick?
Only when I run out of red lipstick -just kidding, sheesh!-

31. Do you own a gun?
No, and neither should anyone else

32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yes, I could win a chop stick eating contest -I wonder if there is such a thing, and if so, would you have to eat chop sticks?-. I learned in japanese class

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
With the luck I´m having... no one.

34. Are you too forgiving?

NO, it´s quite hard for me to forgive, and have a rather good memory so hard to forget also.

35. Ever been in love?
With life, and with my former boyfriends and girlfriends, but only the first one still carries on

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
At this time? (midday) probably getting drunk

37. Ever have cream puffs?
No, I´m not a big fan of pastry

38. Last time you cried?
Mmmh, three months ago, when I was breaking up with my boyfriend -tears and silence usually tell more than you´d think and lets people thinking about the wost, so bad news are easier to break to people (use this wisely)-

39. What was the last question you asked?
Would you PLEASE stop staring at me?!

40. Favorite time of the year?
Spring, lots of rain to get wet in.

41. Do you have any tattoos?
No, not really into tattoos, but I never say never

42. Are you sarcastic?

No, I may be rude, insulting, sarcastic but never an exotic dancer

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
The movie? I haven´t, the effect? I do everyday.

44. Ever walked into a wall?
No, usually walls stand aside whenever I´m walking

45. Favorite color?
Green, although red is a shoe in for second

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Sadly... no, I haven´t, looking up for the chance.

47. Is your hair curly?
Not really, but it isn´t straight either, it´s just wavy

48. What was the last CD you bought?
Probably the best of AC/DC five years ago, got into my CD reproducer and played it until it broke down from usage

49. Do looks matter?
Just for "recreative" uses, I prefer having friends that have something to say, and boyfriends that have make me laugh.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I can´t even forgive people for not getting my name right.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
Not really, I don´t use it, have all the people I want to talk to in my messenger account

52. Do you like your life right now?
I love my life.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
I don´t even have a TV in my bedroom, also I can´t sleep with too much noise or light

54. Can you handle the truth?
Truth I can handle, what gets me really upset are lies

55. Do you have good vision?
I do have a good close vision, but I have to wear glasses to see things far away.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
In a room? sure, in my classroom. I doubt there´s someone that doesn´t have 3 people they don´t like

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Like once a month, last person I talked was my grandparents on monday to check how they were doing

58. The last person you held hands with?
Mmmh, my sister last weekend -lame :( -

59. What are you wearing?
A black t-shirt, white open shirt on top and some blue jeans

60.What is your favorite animal?
The fox, reminds me of their cunning and in some traditions Mischief

61. Where was your default picture taken at?
Google if mind doesn´t fail me

62. Can you hula hoop?
Nope,but if sometime I get into a life threatening situation that can only be avoided by hula hooping I´ll let you know

63. Do you have a job?
Volunteer job only

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
New balls -to juggle, don´t get excited, I do have balls-

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Nope, My ego doesn´t fit through a window, If I´m to go out of anywhere I do so in the most flashy way available ;P

What now? you expect me to beg you? answer them too!
Love to all
Me

Sad times

2009-10-14T16:29:00.000-07:00

So thanks all for your comments, good news is I survived my hunger, bad news, a chicken didn't, also, I was kind of hoping no one noticed what Phil did and he was the only one, luckily enough, btw, I never got my birthday cupcakes :( get well kid.

You ever had something that made you feel like a living? I´m talking about that one thing that defines you, the one that make you feel alive, the thing that without it your life would be totally useless? everyone has got a thing that makes them dream, a passion if you would, some people have their children, some others have lecture, some others´ passion is in getting laid. Well... I have a passion *sigh*
Seems like I´m skipping vital information here, so let me start from the beginning, I injured my ankle a week ago, have waited a whole week for it to heal and be able to walk again with freedom, however, it just hurts like hell whenever I step on it -no one knows this but you, I´m just used to pain and soaking it-. Now about my passion? Ironically, Running, that´s right I´m a runner and feeling the wind soar in my ears, watching as the sun rises in the horizon, getting into the woods in the morning chilling freeze is my passion, I even got a few medals, and now...
Today I tried to start running, tried to do a 5 jog on the treadmill and you know what came out? a huge screech from my thoat at the fifth step.
Also all my friends went to the beach today, so now I'm alone, yes, no classes but also no one to spend the week with :( and now my keyboard keeps switching to japanese for no apparent reason and haven't found anyone on-line with whom to talk, I know, shouldn't abuse the kindness of my friends, but just wanted to talk to someone.
Sorry, just wish this week improves somehow,さようなら
Love to all
me

So what´s our choice?

2009-10-13T11:13:00.000-07:00

Whoa, so I get home yesterday after skipping some class -shh, don´t tell my parents- and find nine new messages in my mail´s inbox, I got worried, something must be wrong, and then I realize it´s letters of support for my latest post, OMG! who would´ve guessed it was going to make an impact on people. I admit not having the eloquence of Dr. Mandragora, nor the vocabulary of FMS, or the creativity of Dave, sincerity of Drew, insight of Bob or light mood of Torchy! I only write with passion, type with my heart and back every word that comes out with my actions and sometimes it just so happens that what comes out is -even when seems it´s been holding on by paper clips and rubber bands- an acceptable comment on my side.

I appreciate all YOUR comments, and I apologize now, for I don´t have answers, in fact have more questions than answers, but sometimes what´s more important is not finding the right answer but the right question.

So maybe violence is ONE answer as Matt. said, it is true that passiveness has brought victims only more abuse, but in the big picture and if we can learn something of world history is that the only thing that violence has brought to us is only a escalation in the methods incurred by the perpetrators, what started as sticks and rocks turns into rifles and guns, so what happens when pushes become guns at school?

Told ya, I´m all about questions. I have been through the path of violence and know thanks to life experiences it only brings more violence, luckily, I live in a country where possession of fire guns is restricted to the military and police officers, but a knife can always be concealed anywhere, homemade bombs are quite easy to do and famous around students nowadays... wait... if violence generates violence, and passiveness generates victims... what´s the third choice? How we break the cycle?

By _xXCrossMyHeartXx

Aaah, but probably you´re tired of this, like life isn´t hard enough, I don´t have all the answers, hell, sometimes I have no answer at all. Still, you know of any other option please let me know, this world needs them.

Ok, I can´t send you on your way with a bitter taste now, so I´ll post something to try to cheer you from world´s best show ever created.

And now with a cheerful spirit go say hello to Just, he´s starting out in blog-town with his But Time Makes You Bolder blog, but I´m pretty sure you´ve already heard of him, he´s got a cool history that must be read, I know a lot of people can relate : ) Oooh, and a welcome to new follower Rythym Changes that joined as I was writing this, but you all know him, now in case you´ve been living under a rock since like April, his blog is THIS, so go, go now and read him, Thank you Rythym. Now I can keep the score even between number of followers and number of posts, YAY FOLLOWERS!! I´ll need one for next post now, oooh, who´ll be my savior?

So I´ll write about me later, I just realized I have done absolutely no work the whole day -shh, don´t tell my boss-, where did my time go? Also would you be as kind as to send me some food? I forgot my lunch and have absolutely no money to buy even the cheapest candy bar : ( til my work is done, Adiós.

Love to all

Don´t let us ever forget

2009-10-12T10:26:00.000-07:00

OK, yesterday I was off topic, and today a question might come up to you, why post about National Coming Out day the day after? on one hand, we don´t celebrate that here, on the other hand I wasn´t aware of the date until Dave mentioned me about it some weeks ago and the reason I haven´t commented on something like that so far is not a secret, everyone knows I´m a softy, and personally don´t like sad stories, they make me...well, sad, but I realize today sitting in this office, this LGBT community center´s office, young Matthew was brutally, cold hearted and stupidly killed -stupid because only someone stupid enough, insecure enough, idiot enough would kill someone, just because they are different- and that just cannot be remembered for one day, he won´t be dead just one day, his aggressors won´t be assassins for one day, his parents won´t remember him only one day, nor his, nor that of everyone that has died of discrimination, of fear, of hate, of people that are just so damn Stupid. Every day I work to help those little kids, everyday I give my all to orientate, give comfort, guide all those who need it, everyday I receive kids with a smile on my face, everyday I listen to their doubts, everyday I give them answers to make their lives a better place, and people just COMES AND KILLS ALL THOSE KIDS??!!!!! PEOPLE JUST THINK IT´S SO DAMN EASY BEING DIFFERENT!!! oh sure! different is so easy, the least traveled path is always a loneliest one, so why not make it a lot harder harassing, hitting, bullying them, and you know what the hardest part part of it is? people lets them.
Bullying takes three "participants", an aggressor, someone to receive the aggression, and bystanders. The first two roles need no explanation; the third however...is the people that watches the whole process, sees the victim suffering, sees the aggressor taking advantage, sees the pain, humiliation, insults, punches and does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! about it. And still, the LGBT community could do something about it, there are people that are willing and able to help them, and together they make up a front against such assaults, so when people needs free inside that community, what happens? EXACTLY THE SAME!
What maddens me to no limit is that the kind of assaults to Matthew have stopped somewhat, and NOW bullying comes from within, gays against gays, lesbians against lesbians, now the problem is not about people being of a different sexual orientation, now people think they are superior to their peers, now we have an elitist group? now is the time we say: "I won´t speak to him, he´s a too obvious gay", "hey! you seen that queer?", "he´s such a slut". Is it the fact that we no longer have a common enemy we have turned against each other? does us being equal doesn´t defy the whole "I´m better than you" attitude? Do we really have to wait for a young boy to die to raise our voices and be together again?
Should we celebrate who we are a day a year, or the whole year long? and what better way to celebrate who we are than sharing with those around us in equality?
Now is the time to ask yourself, When was the last time I was discriminated? but also you have to ask yourself, When was the last time I discriminated?
A thousands of lives have been lost, and thousands more will be lost unless we become together, we accept each other, we defend each other, personally I was a victim of bullying and every time I stood up for myself and fought to my last breath for myself, cost me a lot of scars and bruises, now I fight for others too, for they will no longer have to fear and face adversity alone. But you don´t have to be a counselor to do it, just raise your voice!! make yourself count!! let people hear WE ARE TOGETHER!!
So unless you want history to repeat itself, not only from an enemy from without but from someone from within, let us never forget.

By irv artshark

Love each other
ME

You make me smile

2009-10-11T15:55:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, haven´t posted in ages, but bear with me for a while, been quite busy and don´t get enough time during the week, for that I´m deeply terribly sorry, still I ~~want~~ need to thank all the people that follows and has got the patience to read this new post, also, there´s nothing I like best than coincidences, and for this 43th post I got my 43th reader which needlessly too say makes me feel an orgasm of joy, so if you wanna ~~cum~~ come with me let´s give a warm welcome to Aaron author of the new blog A beautiful Caos, I think he´s totally new to blogging so let´s pay a visit, also let´s welcome Raulito5 who enjoys writing about politics in his three blogs -THREE? I don´t even have time to update this one, now I´ll go cry myself to sleep under the table :( - which are Top to bottom, Trickle Down BS and even one in spanish Cuentos de la tìa Eloi -I myself am not a political guy, but I´m glad someone else thinks it´s weird they gave president Obama the Novel peace price on such a short time, but won´t say a thing for I know nothing on the subject-. Anyways, I have a bunch of blogs to catch on, haven´t been able to read anything so far :( sorry, but I´ll try to make it up soon.

Ah, Also, this week, Phil came out to his mom!! if you haven´t heard it shame on you, shame, shame, shame, he´s an amazing kid and I love him so much since day one, so if you still haven´t you should congratulate him NOW. Also was Jeremy´s and Me, Myself and My Hand´s birthdays this week, Congratulations to both of them.

OK, I´m on fire, sot let´s see, who else do I know, Ah! on Tuesday I met Brett from Who´s keeping the Score, nice kid smart kid, and also enjoyed a couple of great conversations with S.p from Bi-Zone. Aaand had an interesting chat with James P from Blackwaxx, yeah I know, I´m far too talkative, but that´s how I´ve been spending my spare time, and so far it´s worked, however it leaves little time to post, Actually this post I started writting aroun 10 am. it´s already 6 pm and I can´t seem to finish it, been talking to Drew and Dave.

By JamieFenn

Still, let me think what I´ve done so far... I´ve been stared at, flirted, hit on aaand look lasciviously for the last week while getting surveys at a school, a university were half the population is gay, that just so happens is a couple of blocks from my house, so I wonder, what´s stopping me from throwing myself into the arms of the next youngster that flings my way? I don´t know... guess there must be something more to a relationship than looks, I know, how can you get to know someone if you don´t GET TO KNOW THEM, ach, which brings me to my next question, what is it that makes us stop and question ourselves if it is OK to talk to the cute guy next to us, the good-looking fellow watching us from the other side of the subway wagon? What makes us second guess about ourselves? if someone is looking at you and you´re interested, should he/she make the first try at communication? What would happen if we started a conversation with someone?? Something shall be done about it, I have to do something about it.

In other news, my whole class is going to "attend a congress" on the beach of Acapulco, which means they will be passing out besides the hotel pool by the third hour of their trip and until they get home again on Monday, now I can´t go, don´t have the money nor the liver to spend there. Still, my ex tried to convince me to pay for my expenses, I won´t go, he might want me to re-pay him and as I don´t have money he might ask something I´m not about to give him. So good news I won´t have to deal with him for 5 days, bad news is all my friends will be gone and I still have to go to school : P

It´s been a long week, and I don´t know how long it´ll be before I get to update this again, still, I promised I would update my facebook account a long ago and still haven´t found the time :( hope I get the time to update soon, but as you can see, if you don´t find me here, you can always find me on messenger. I´m always there for you. So take care and don´t make me miss you. Dasbidania
Love to all
me

I´m in love

2009-10-07T22:15:00.000-07:00

Yup, I´m in love *dreamy eyes* I fell last night from the first moment our eyes crossed in each others path, this is just so indescribable, it all happened last night when I was getting home from school, lights were out inside my house, my bedroom´s door was closed and still I could see a dim light coming from under the door, that´s when I knew there was something going on inside my room, so I swallowed what little I had in my mouth, so hard, and so dry only a loud *gulp*came out, I opened the door, light piercing in the darkness of the night, drapes shut, lights down, and the only silhouette you could see said it all, was waiting sitting in my bed -kinky, just like I like them-, as I walked in my face could only show a grin of happiness, no, it was not happiness, it was THAT smile, the smile that comes out ever so naturally when you know you´re in total control of the situation, that smile you make when you know you´re about to get what you have deserved, after waiting so long for that moment, I didn´t ask how it was possible that in my house, in my room, in my BED there was something so huge happening, how was it possible that my parents have allowed entrance to something so breathtaking for me, then I figured, they had it all planned out, now it all made sense, the telephone calls, the chats that suddenly stopped whenever I walked into the room, the suspicious looks in my parents´ faces, they did it, I asked out loud in a low voice "what are you doing here?" only a smirk and silence came as answer, and then, I knew I had to take advantage of my situation, if I wasn´t maybe someone else might´ve done it and I wasn´t going to let anyone but me to make the most out of this unprecedented situation, so I did what anyone else would, I stretched both my arms and hugged, hugged as hard as I have never hugged in my life, pleasure experienced was only enough to answer with a quiet stillness, with passiveness a low hum came out but to this point I´m still not sure who let it out, all I know it felt good.

So as the night passed on us both, the two of us as turned on as we were I decided to pass my fingers along and decided it was time, time to start pushing some buttons, so I pressed enter, the feeling in the tip of my finger just made a preternatural connection I just can´t believe, now a loud *sigh* came from me as the logo of Windows disappeared letting me into the desktop, it was so beautiful, my first laptop : D I could only dream of one before that, so forgive my excitement, to most of you this must look like a complete overreaction, to my it´s a dream come true.

By ChillzWow

So in other computing news, exactly one month ago I set up Blogpatrol in my blog and today I´m so proud of saying in that month I got 2575 visits, that´s just UNBELIEVABLE!! I can´t express enough gratitude with words and I know a little dance would only be appreciated by those who enjoy people making a fool out of themselves, soooo I better not, still will think of something soon : )

Ahh, yeah and it turns out -as today I had criminal psychology class- I have the psychological profile of both a burglar and a scammer, so I were you I wouldn´t believe anything that came from my mouth : P -just kidding-.

Anyways, I´m too sleepy now, already 12:00 and tomorrow have to get up and conduct about 3, 000 surveys for an investigation I´m conducting, so lots of work ahead, and work too, so it´ll be a loooong day. Take care, kiss your mom, brush your teet, hug your pet and above LIVE your life like it´s the last day, just to be sure.

L.ve to all

What worries me

2009-10-06T09:26:00.000-07:00

First of all, and only because it means a whole bunch to me, need to thank all the guys who commented on my last post, Thanks to Ethan, Aek and Octavius for their unconditional support, and to Cougar, for his words have given me a feeling that I´m not alone. To Dave, well he knows I love him even if I might get angry, is not at you but rather at life -my life to be accurate- and I hope you forgive me for being such a child sometimes.

Anyways, on saturday got to talk to a lot of guys I really love, for example, got to barely say good night to Torchy! and send him off to bed -though I should´ve offered him to tuck him in bed but lost the chance : P - still, was feeling pretty down and Drew was there for me as always, I really don´t know what I would do without him.

As for the title of this post *sigh* what worries me lately is not that I´m becoming a little more depressive as days go by, nor the fact that each step I take hurts me -went to a concert on saturday and hurt my ankle- or that sleeping poorly really gets me down, or that by thursday I have the face of a zombie and usually scare the heck out of old people in the subway. What really gets me is the fact that people who care about me are getting more and more worried for my well-being, I don´t want anyone to worry about me, I´m really not that important : )

and I don´t want anyone to feel bad about me, friends at school are look at me and think the worst is happening, give me so much support and let me off the hook of so many things I should be doing, friends on the internet start chats with me just to check on me, and because I usually write the first thing that comes to my mind as status late at night when I get home -which are not always all that positive-. Still what I´m trying to say is I´ll be OK, not used to having so many people worried about me, nor trying to cheer me up, I feel really weird and sometimes uncomfortable to be talking about me all the time, told you, not that important, just appreciate your concern, I really do and don´t even know how to thank you all for all that, you have shown me so much love, I just don´t know how to repay you all, feel a little ashamed of the thought, hope I might be able to do it overtime and in kind, till then know that I really appreciate all your concern. Thank you, once and again.

By WickedNox

Still, today is tuesday, I don´t look as bad as I will later, was approached by a girl at the gym to ask me my name and got to talk -you know the old "I´ve never seen you around"- and guys staring at me at the subway and at school, don´t really know what to do about that, a little awkward but flattering at the same time. I think it´s because I don´t feel so good that I don´t start a conversation with them, still you were in my shoes, what would you do?
That´s it for now, you see me around I´m always in for a chat ; ) hope you get the time, til then.
Love to all
Me

P.s. All this excitement and I forgot to congratulate my friend, one of the guys that gave me the warmest welcome anyone could wish for when I started all this blogging thing, My dearest friend FMS who just recently came out in his birthday and I couldn´t be more proud of him. I love you man!!!

An idle mind... is what I need

2009-10-03T07:37:00.000-07:00

So sorry, I know it´s been a while, been thinking about what I´ve recently done, and came to realize that lately I haven´t been up to anything good. Tests week is over now -wish you could all see the sparkling reflection in my eyes-, had to spend mornings in a study like trance so boooring! worst part was the papers due for before evaluation time, tests were easy enough but writing papers is just not for me. Also I got really really late to a test on Wednesday and professor didn´t let me take it, so I completely and utterly failed that subject, still was worth it, was in company of a person I love a whole bunch -on messenger, but was a fun conversation-.
As to the lack of updates I owe it all to my feeling of emptiness, I've been feeling down and why write something that will only worry the people that reads this? I don't want pity so why write about how bad I'm feeling? so now things should start looking up -HOPEFULLY- and I decided I need to get back again in the saddle, living in memories and fantasies is great, but what I want right now is get back on my feet and hit the dating scene once more -do I hear people clapping? I damn better should be :P - it's been good being by myself for a while, but now that I think I'm doing better I should start looking for someone, still, I have no idea where to find that someone, not where he is or where to start the lookout, never been to a bar all alone, period, not once, not alone that is, still don't think that should be the place to look at for nothing but a night of uncommitted fun, sooooo, I'm pretty much at a crossroad :S

By Pat's Gone to look for America's photostream

However sitting here and waiting for someone to fall on my lap -although, as tempting as it might sound someone just falling into my lap- probably will never happen.

*sigh* seems like a storm is coming, hope you don't mind me using you as my umbrella.

By spako

Right now and more than anything I want to thank all the guys who commented on my last post, thanks for their kind words that really made me feel welcomed and glad I shared those thoughts into the world. I specially want to thank Mr. Urs with whom I shared this week one really interesting chat, and I hope it repeats itself once more and again and again, and to Brett, I told you I would use Flickr : )
Aaah, that's all for now, hope to see you around.
Love to all
Me

Childhood memories

2009-09-30T15:01:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this one is about me and my past life, I have a lot of memories about my childhood, but today while talking to Liam and Drew I remembered something I haven't thought about in ages, something that's hitting all the world as we speak, the thing that makes the world go 'round, Money.

While I was a little kid and I mean five or eight years my family didn't have any economical need as we were pretty good, I even got to go to Disney World when I was seven : ) great memories there. However that all changed in 1994, when the elected president took over and the former president ran away to Switzerland leaving the whole country bankrupt. Have you ever heard the term "smelly poor", well, I couldn't even afford the smell. Got into delivering bottles of 20 L (4.40 Gallons) of water to people's homes when I was eight, it wasn't as hard as it might look like, although delivering to the third floor and beyond was the catch.

So you think being attracted to guys and adolescence is hard? try doing it while trying to feed your family and then you tell me about hard. Weirdest part is, I'm the middle son and I worked to help my older brother to get through the univesity, I'm not complaining, I've always been the hard worker -still it wouldn't have hurted him to help a little- and someway or another got to highschool, then I started to work for my parents, helping them sell food at the same middle-school I used to attend months before -Oh, yeah, they were there while I was studying too, most people would be ashamed their parents at their schools day in day out, not me, I was proud of them- but left-overs were pretty good, my dad hasn't always been the cook he is now, but he HAD to learn, and later I would too, grades weren't that good at school, but I was tired by the time I got there, but at least I could eat something before going, THAT was a great difference.

Got into the Uni, started studying chemistry and microbiology, stopped helping my parents to study real hard, at the third year I realized I wasn't cut to do something like being in a laboratory studying the causes of diseases, I wanted to help people, and I knew I could create vaccines, help people with infections, but I wouldn't be working with people, I would be working with lab-rats and the like. So dropped out and started teaching english -I know, mine isn't that good either, but you stand in front of a class telling them you know more then they'll listen-
after that I got into psychology as a last minute choice, I wanted to listen to people's concerns and help them out, still not knowing what was up with me and trying to be part of the "normal" ppl I couldn't get to "explore" the same sex relationships, up until then I was pretty worried with surviving to get into any kind of relationships -except for my first gf which dumped me just before I quited at the Uni- when I finally accepted I liked boys was the time I decided I have found the community I want to be part of and help get stronger : ) I could also like to work at a school as a counselor, but maybe later.

So there you go, a little more about me, so if you were to ask me why I don't care about money, I would say, I lived without it for a long long time, and if you were to ask me why I want to help people, I would say, wouldn't you?

That's me in a nutshell, no, it wasn't meant to make you feel pity about me -hate pity- nor I feel ashamed about myself, as a matter of fact I'm proud of myself, been a long way to be who I am today, I mean, I'm not swimming in money, but have enough to be here today with you, and truth be told, that's all that matters to me. Be happy and enjoy today, you might miss it tomorrow.
Love to all
Me

Home at last

2009-09-28T22:27:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm home now, and let me tell you two things that might answer Aek's comment, yes, the exam was that easy and yes, I am that good, tests are the only thing that takes me under ten minutes to finish :P and would like to thank everyone's comments on all my latest posts, thank's a plenty for your support on my Party pooper one, and in my Such is life I'm so glad it did something for you, just wanted to write my thoughts out, and if only make you smile a bit like goleftatthefork, thank you so much for your support. Also I'VE GOT NEW READERS!! :) let's begin with y78ilm and his blog The pursuit of what matters to me, after that we've got JC from Who's Life Am I Living?, now, sadly I haven't have had the opportunity to talk to either of them, however I have had the chance to talk to the techguyinshorts, he's just starting, he's got this blog @techguyinshorts, and he's a really nice guy, writes a blog with his boyfriend too about tech stuff, should go take peek.

I'm always happy to welcome newcomers, and as such I really don't know how to say goodbye to blogs, it's actually the first one that leaves while I'm here, I'm pretty new here and so don't know if this gets easier with time or it always will hurt like this, either way, so here it goes good bye Andre, you have brought to me such joy and I will really miss you so much, damn, don't be a stranger and pay a visit once in a while, you SOB, you're really hard to say goodbye to.

Sorry, I'll get a hold of myself...

Ok, so on a lighter side, I had my hair cut on the weekend -which was all I could do besides taking my sister to the movies- and you most know something, just as with my birthdays I hate the day I go to go cut my hair, I always walk out feeling that I don't like the job done, and also like my birthdays I only have two each year.

The lady that cuts my hair is actually a 50 yo woman whose sense of what's trendy died in 1985, and as such can't get to cut my hair the way I like it, I know, I should find someone I like, no such luck, have spent the last 20 years of my life looking for that someone and still no such thing.

*sigh* well, right now I just need a shoulder in which I can lean on

By wattaip

I haven't forgotten the thank you I was going to give you, so for each one that got to say something nice to Liam here goes a present on my behalf, valid in everystate from Monday to Sunday : )

By Fer

See you when I see you.
Love to all
me

Testing testing

2009-09-28T16:21:00.000-07:00

Gossh, did a three hour exam in ten minutes, now I have a recess long enough that I'm falling asleep, hate all this free time and nothing good to do with it, posting now in my dad's ipod which I managed to steal -don't tell him- and wasting my time with it, doesn't have messenger so I can't chat with anyone :/
So today I might post something later at night, still have another test in a while and won't study at all for it's rubbish, rubbish about psychological tests in the industry, so I'll post the surprise a little later. Til Then.
Love to all
Me

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIAM!!

2009-09-27T13:42:00.000-07:00

A short post for the time being, but by no means less important.
Today is Liam's birthday, it's been a whole year since last one, it's a paramount day for someone to be congratulated, specially when you're not feeling so good, as he is, I know that kid and love him so, so if you have the time and a kind heart go to his blog and wish him a happy birthday, I know it would mean a lot to me and even more for him : )

By gintonic13

In the mean time, I send him the biggest, strongest, non-lethal hug I can offer and wish him a wonderful day and wish it stops raining in his eyes, for no one is worth crying for. And a gift to every one that visits his blog too as I'm feeling like a giver today. I'll add it in my next post, already have it with me -but it's a surprise-

Have a great one all
Love to all
Me